


Lurk

by meganetrash



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Boarding School, Denial of Feelings, Dorms, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, High School, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Humor, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Dork, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Language, Minor Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Minor Original Character(s), Mutual Pining, Private School, Self-Discovery, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smoking, Tsukishima Kei is a Nerd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2018-06-02 15:50:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 47,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6572275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meganetrash/pseuds/meganetrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Tsukishima's last year in high school and all he wants is some peace and quiet and to focus on his studies. Count on Kuroo to ruin a perfectly good plan.</p><p>(an elite boarding school au where tsukki is an honours student and kuroo is the new guy in class with a bad reputation)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Distractions

**Author's Note:**

> The title is inspired by the song "Lurk" by The Neighbourhood

If you asked Tsukishima Kei, he’d say the most important thing in life is having a plan. If you asked anyone else, they’d say he’s a boring, arrogant snob.

Which would, of course, be a very hipocritical thing to say, because almost everyone Kei knew was a boring, arrogant snob. 

High school was hell, to put it lightly. It was a private, all-boys boarding school full of pretentious, spoiled brats. The famous Shiobara Academy, one of the best schools in Japan, accepted only the smartest of hundreds of candidates, or, alternatively, the richest. Kei was both, which made everyone else jealous.

No matter how much money they got from their dead grandparents or uncles or some other relatives, nobody could compare to Tsukishima Kei, who was tall, blond, athletic and got all flawless grades in every single subject. The only thing that made a gap between him and perfection is the fact that he had never made a friend. 

Not that he needed one, though. As he liked to say to his mother when he saw her worried look after seeing him lock himself inside for months during summer break, human interactions can only be a distraction from his goal. Ever since he could remember, it was only him and the books. He picked up a few hobbies on the side, such as reading, listening to music and volleyball.

Whenever a classmate asked him how he maintained those perfect grades, he’d just scoff sarcastically and tell them he just works hard. ’Working hard’ was probably and understatement, but with all the whispers that were already cirrculating about him, he couldn’t afford to be anything but humble.

Tsukishima was a perfectionist. He’s always been an over-achiever and almost too ambitious for his own good. It resulted in him being a high school senior at the age of 15 and also being all alone. It wasn’t all as glamorous as everyone thought it was. It was lonely and tiring, and most of all, scary.  
It was scary that he could die alone, that he could do all this, get his PhD, write books, cure cancer or anything else he set his mind to, but he will never feel like that’s enough. Nothing was ever enough, he was never good enough, even when he couldn’t get any better. He knew how to act proud, he just never knew how to feel it. 

What was it that he was really looking for? He had all his goals set, but it didn’t seem as though he would feel happy and accomplished when he reaches them. So what did he really want, what did he really need? Tsukishima looked around, looked at his classmates. All of them were two years older than him, and none of them had their future as figured out as he did.

No, they didn’t have a clear path in front of them. They had fun, they lived in the moment, they went with the flow. Kei just laughed at how incredibly stupid that sounded in his head, and how he’s lucky he’s not such an air-head. Sometimes, just sometimes, he almost wished that he was. They must have it so easy, not constantly worrying about everything that can be worried about, just chasing after girls and getting drunk every weekend for no reason.

It was pitiful. Their lives, however easy they might be, are pathetic. They’ll be miserable later on, they’ll hate themselves for fooling around like that. They won’t be able to accomplish anything meaningful. Everyone who didn’t have abnormally high expectations of themselves was as good as dirt to him. 

Tsukishima looked around again. Boys in expensive uniforms were laughing in groups. They all smelled of fresh mint, their hairstyles were neat and shiny, and their teeth were so white they could almost blind. Every single one of them was like that, and Kei was no exception. He never wanted to physically stand out more than he already did, with his naturally blond hair (no one believed that it was natural, but it was) and his height that was way above average, at least in Japan.

Sometimes he wished he was simple-minded, more normal, more like everyone else. Maybe he could have fitted in and lead a perfectly boring life. But deep down he knew that nothing about him was perfect, that he wasn’t normal, and that that wasn’t something he would ever be able to change.  
***

„Good morning class“ Ms. Oshima, their Japanese and homeroom teacher, greated them as cheerfully as ever. Ms. Oshima was one of Kei’s favorite teachers; she was a short old lady full of life and very passionate about her job. Her silver hair was tied up in a perfect bun, as always, and she had small clip-on pearl earrings. Compared to most professors, Ms. Oshima could be a ray of sunshine. 

„As you know, you only have two semesters left here, until you go to college. I hope you’ve all at least looked through your options, because this is not a descision you can make in the last minute“ she had a smile on her face, but her tone was serious. The boys all glared at her, trying to state that she’s completely ruined their good vibe and the casual atmosphere. 

„Now, now, let’s enjoy this last year of high school and don’t stress too much about college!“ Ms. Oshima smiled nervously, as to apologise. Tsukishima just rolled his eyes, because he knew, as well as everyone else, that over the years she really grew to love her class. She was just that kind of person, the one who has so much love in her and just wants to share it with everyone. He sometimes admired her ability to handle so many dumb teenage boys in one place.

As passionate as Kei was about education and gaining knowledge, upon entering high school he had decided to never be a teacher. Even if these kids were all supposed to be smart (special emphasis on ’supposed to’), and their grades really were exceptional, they were still just kids, and in his opinion, kids are just too damn draining and annoying. 

Ms. Oshima suddenly jumped a little bit, making everyone’s attention draw back to her. It seemed that she had remembered something, and by the subtle glow in her eyes and a cheeky smirk, it was something really interesting. Everyone became curious in the matter of seconds, waiting patiently for her to finally share the exciting news.  
„Oh, I almost forgot to tell you the most important thing!“ the teacher exclaimed before she tapped over to the classroom door. „We have a transfer student this year! I hope you all get along well“ she came back with a boy who was a whole feet taller than her by the sleeve of his black blazer. The guy looked like he had seen better days. His eyes were shifty, with dark circles under them, and the word chaos couldn’t even begin to describe his black hair. He wrote his name on the white board behind him, looking quite uninterested and sleepy. 

„My name is Kuroo Tetsurou. Nice to meet you“ he said it in a flat tone, like it was rehersed a thousand times before. „Kuroo-san, why don’t you take your seat?“ her eyes shifted over the classroom until she finally found an empty seat „Here, right next to Tsukishima-san!“ 

For some reason, she looked very satisfied with the fact that she placed the new guy next to Tsukishima. Oh yes, she was one of those invested homeroom teachers who wanted to solve everyone’s problems, wheter or not they had anything to do with school. From their first year she noticed that Tsukishima was always alone and tried to make the other boys include him in their group activities, but with no success. 

After Kuroo sat down, Ms. Oshima continued her talk on future and the great unknown (no pressure, though) and Tsukishima tried his best not to look at the boy next to him. As soon as he processed the unruly mess on his head, Tsukishima also noticed that the first two buttons on Kuroo’s shirt were unbottoned and his tie was crooked. 

This guy obviously slept through his alarm, or maybe he’s just too lazy to look decent, Kei thought. Even while focusing on his flaws, Kei couldn’t deny the fact that Kuroo was attractive. He was nearly Tsukishima’s height, but way more muscular, he had a sharp jawline and dark, mysterious eyes.

„Focus, Kei“ he reminded himself and tore his gaze away from Kuroo.

Kuroo’s head fell on the desk while Miss Oshima was still talking, but she didn’t seem to notice, since they were all the way in the back row. „Sleeping in class on his first day. Pathetic“ Kei noted mentally. This guy was definitely not someone who had high expectations of himself. That was the worst type of humans in Tsukishima’s opinion. 

„Okay, homeroom’s over, you have English now, in Room 5. Good luck this school year!“ Miss Oshima opened the door and waited for everyone to exit the classroom. Kuroo’s head was still burried deep in his own arms and not even that damn loud bell could wake him up. Tsukishima had no other choice than to wake him up. „Uh, Kuroo-san, we have to get to our next class“ he said while cautiously patting him on the shoulder.

„Oh! Uh, yeah, I just... Sorry“ he couldn’t form a full sentence, but Kei couldn’t help but notice how hot his sleepy voice sounded. „It’s okay. Let’s go“ Tsukishima was a just a little bit pissed off, since he didn’t want to be the one stuck with the transfer student, and a sketchy one at that. „Umm, sorry, I don’t think I’ve caught your name?“ Kuroo asked after a few seconds of awkward silence. „It’s Tsukishima Kei“ he absoloutely couldn’t let his voice break down now. 

„It’s a pretty name, but a little long. Can I call you Tsukki?“ Kuroo was suddenly energetic, like he didn’t just fall asleep in class five minutes ago. „I’d prefer if you didn’t“ Tsukishima replied reluctantly. „What should I call you then?“ There’s really no way to shake this guy off, is there? „Just Tsukishima is fine“ he hoped it would put an end to the conversation, but it didn’t. „I still like Tsukki better“ Kuroo pouted slightly. 

For the first time in his life, Kei was happy to see Mr. Nishimura, their grumpy English teacher. There was still one major problem – Miss Oshima asked them to remain the same seating as they did in homeroom, at least until she comes up with a different one, which meant he had to sit next to Kuroo in every single class. He just sighed, trying to make peace with the fact so he can gradually forget about it. 

Kuroo was not easy to ignore, he made sure of that. Sometimes, he didn’t even have to talk. He was just so captivating that Kei found it hard to take his eyes off him. Watching Kuroo trying to blow his fringe away from his face and getting frustrated after the millionth failed attempt was definitely more interesting than Mr. Nishimura’s lecture. At some point, Tsukishima noticed that he was smiling, and as soon as he did, he prayed to God that no one, especially not Kuroo saw him staring so creepily.

„Kuroo-san, can you please focus on my lecture and not your hair?“ Mr. Nishimura’s monotone voice called him out. The whole class giggled, while Kuroo just mumbled something resembling „yes, sir“ and left the fringe to cover his left eye. Mr. Nishimura continued, despite of being almost completely ignored, and Tsukishima had to find something to distract him from the boy on his right side. 

The window? It was a warm April morning, the sun was already too bright for his taste, and the cherry blossoms looked stunning. Nothing special. Other boys were just clicking their pens or pretending to look at the text book, some sketched or scribbled something in their notebooks, and Tetsurou was staring right at him. What?

Kei turned his head away, trying to remember the last time he had felt that embarassed. At this point, he had no choice but to pretend he was following Mr. Nishimura’s lecture, or at least read his textbook, just to look less suspicious. „Hey, Tsukki“ Kuroo whispered. „Please do not distract me during class, Kuroo-san“ Tsukishima responded, as quietly as he possibly could. Kuroo pouted again, but stopped talking for a while, which was all that mattered. 

Tsukishima had a hard time concentrating in Mr. Nishimura’s classes anyway, but now it was absoloutely crucial for him to not look at Kuroo. The rest of the class seemed to be at least a little bit interested in the new student too. Why did he transfer in the last year of high school, why was his hair so messy, who were his parents, just how rich was he... The only things that seemed to matter in this goddamned school.

Tetsurou was indeed interesting, but to Tsukishima, it wasn’t just the gossip material. What intrigued him more was the fact that this guy actually wanted to talk to him. Was it just because he was the closest in proximity? Kuroo seemed to be a friendly, outgoing guy, he could probably get along with anyone. Then why Kei? He ceased to notice the obvious – that Tsukishima was a nerd and a loner and the worst possible person to be associated to if you wanted to have a social life.  
***

The day went on surprisingly slow, but the classes had finally ended and Kei was free to lock himself up in his room and read a book. Alone, surrounded only by the silence. If everything goes according to plan, he will do the same thing for the rest of the school year – attend classes, go home to study, don’t talk to anyone, don’t think about anyone, just focus. The path ahead of him is clear and all he has to do is follow. 

Yet there was an uneasy feeling in his gut that perhaps he was going to encounter some challenges. And one of those „challenges“ was probably Kuroo Tetsurou. Really, he shouldn’t worry so much about that guy. He was just a transfer student, obviously a low-life, good for nothing, and it was just a coincidence that he was seated next to him. Maybe even his homeroom teacher’s last futile attempt to make Kei make friends. Still, it shouldn’t bother him.

But it did. It bothered him that the guy was so magnetic, the guy who he had barely known looked like he was staring right at Kei’s soul with his dark feline eyes, yet he himself was impossible to crack. 

Someone was knocking on Tsukishima’s door. „For fuck’s sake...“ he said under his breath before he ever stood up to see who it is. Probably just some classmate asking for homework. Not many people had Kei’s number, especially not people from school, simply because he didn’t like being bothered every two seconds to take photos of his homework for some dumbass who can’t do it himself.

The first thing he saw was the mess of inky black hair. Just like that morning. After seriously considering shutting the door without a word, he decided to be a decent human being for once in his life. His mother would be so proud. 

„Hey Tsukki!“ a deep yet cheerful voice greeted him. „Yes, Kuroo-san, how may I help you?“ Tsukishima tried to sound as hostile as he possibly can, hoping that Kuroo could read from his tone that he was busy and didn’t want any company. Even if he did, the older boy still stood there, grinning, reeking of trouble. 

„Geez, Tsukki, no need to sound like a receptionist! Why are you always so formal? We’re friends!“ Kuroo just went into his room without any prior notice. „In fact, no, we’re not“ Tsukishima corrected him as he adjusted his glasses. „Bullshit!“ Kuroo giggled, like the option of Tsukishima not considering him a friend was completely impossible.

„Anyway, you’re here for homework, aren’t you?“ Tsukishima proceeded. „Nope, no, I’ve already finished my homework!“ Kuroo looked so proud of himself, it almost made Kei laugh „I was wondering if you had a balcony“

„Uh, yeah, but why?“ Tsukishima tilted his head to the side. „Great! Lead the way!“ Kuroo jumped up from the bed. Tsukishima showed him the tiny outdoor space that could technically be considered a terace, but barely had enough room to fit a coffee table and a chair. „Ah, great! My room is like, ten times smaller, and I really wanted some fresh air“ the older boy took in the view.

It was less than impressive, really. Just a forest with some foggy mountains in the distance. Tsukishima’s parents had mansions all over the world, so he’s seen glistening oceans, enormous cities and enchanting gardens. The plain grass outside his school couldn’t really compare.

Kuroo reached into the pocket of his blazer and took out a small box. „Kuroo-san, I hope you know smoking is strictly prohibited on the school grounds“ Tsukishima said strictly. „Are you my mom, Tsukki?“  
„I do not wish to participate in the concious violation of the school’s rules. Leave my room, now“ Kei commanded, without stuttering. „Fine, then go out with me“ Kuroo suggested. „Excuse me?“ the blond’s jaw nearly drop. „Let’s just go to that forest. It’s not school grounds, so I can smoke there“ he explained. 

„Sorry, I don’t want to look at you while you poison your lungs and take a day off of your lifespan“ Tsukishima deadpanned, making Kuroo laugh histerically. „What’s so funny about dying from cancer, Kuroo-san?“ Kei looked at him judgingly. „You’re such a goodie two-shoes, it’s adorable“ he responded. Tsukishima almost laughed at the irony of being called adorable. If there’s one thing he’s not, it’s adorable.

„Why can’t you just go alone?“ Tsukishima tried to make Kuroo away, but apparently this guy was like a parasyte. The worst thing about it was that some part of Kei actually didn’t want him to go. He supressed that part. „Don’t wanna“ Tetsurou replied simply. „Oh my, Kuroo-san, that’s a great argument. Totally opened up my eyes. Suddenly I see why I need to help a very annoying stranger break the rules. Have you ever considered being a lawyer?“ 

Tsukishima attacked him with all the sarcasm, all the sass he had in himself, yet it just made Kuroo laugh. His laughter was probably the worst part of it all. It sounded like some kind of a dying animal, although Tsukishima couldn’t pinpoint it. „But I’m not a stranger, Tsukki. I am your friend“ Kuroo looked him in the eye while smiling sheepishly. It was almost enough to move Tsukishima.

„How many times do I have to repeat it. We. Are. Not. Friends.“ Tsukishima was now getting irritated. If Kuroo doesn’t leave his room this second, he doubts he’ll be able to keep up being nice.

„Ten minutes. That’s all I ask. Just keep me company, we could talk a little bit, get to know each other, and then I won’t bother you for the rest of the day“ Kuroo negotiated. „I’ll set an alarm and I will not stay a second over ten minutes“ Tsukishima agreed unwillingly. Maybe going for a walk isn’t such a bad idea. It always helps him clear his head.  
***  
„Okay, I think we’re safe here“ Kuroo whispered. „Remember, I’m not the one breaking the rules here, you are“ Tsukishima reminded him, but it was actually more to convince himself. Yet he couldn’t help but feel his heart pick up the pace a little bit. 

Tetsurou took out a cheap black lighter and a pack of mint Marlboros. He put the cigarette between his lips and stared at the flame of his lighter. Once he breathed out the first smoke, he made a relieved sound. „So, are you a chainsmoker or something?“ Tsukishima asked to break the silence. He admired the way Tetsurou held his cigarette and how it seemed to fit into his overall image. He was surely a pro.

„Nah, only when I’m stressed“ he shrugged „And after I fuck“

Tsukishima almost choked at the sudden (and unnecessary) comment. „You really have no shame, do you?“ Tsukishima was clearly disguisted. Kuroo must be one of those playboys who can’t keep a meaningful relationship because they cheat on every girl with at least two others. He could see why girls fell for his classic bad boy act, but it was still stupid. 

Kuroo just chuckled, again. „Why are you stressed now?“ Tsukishima dared to ask. Tetsurou took another drag and thought about it for a while. „Well, it’s my last year in high school, I’m supposed to be thinking about college and shit, but I still have no idea what I want to do with my life“. Just as he thought. Kei’s impression of Kuroo being a lazy low-life was justified. Then why was he standing there with him?

„It just hit me this morning – hey, I’m a senior! I don’t have much time left. I’ve been postponing this decision for years because it just seemed like a drag, but now I have no choice“ Kuroo continued, earning a mocking laugh from Tsukishima. „Hey, it’s not funny! These are real problems! Can you at least pretend to be compassionate?“ Tetsurou whined. „I really don’t like people like you“ Tsukishima stated simply.  
„Well, tough luck. Because I like you“ Kuroo exhaled one final smoke and crushed what was left of the cigarette under his shoe. 

„Does that mean you’ll bother me in the future too?“  
„Oh, I intend to bother you a lot more“

Tsukishima chuckled, and then they both started laughing. Why were they laughing? Kei wanted to mock him, he really did. But Kuroo Tetsurou wasn’t like every other guy. He wasn’t serious about his future in the way Kei was, true, but he had the warm and friendly aura that Kei lacked. They seemed to complement eachother nicely. Would it really be so bad to have a friend, after all?


	2. First Friendship

Kei repeated the steps in his head. Get up, turn off the alarm, get ready, go out, do not think about Kuroo Tetsurou. The newest and arguably the most important step was also the easiest to forget, so he had to repeat it to himself multiple times a day. 

Thinking about him wasn’t just a mild inconvinience anymore, it was more of a routine. In the morning, he thought about Kuroo’s sleepy voice and his useless attempts to fix the black nest on his head. During class, he stared at Kuroo struggling to keep his eyes open and looking up at the clock every two minutes. In the evening, he thought about Kuroo smoking in the forest, alone and silent.

He invited him to the forest a couple more times after that first day. After a while they just cut the senseless chatter and stood there in silence. Kuroo was focused on the smoke coming from his lungs, and Tsukishima was focused on his fingers and the slight movement of his lips.

It felt almost therapeutical to Kei, by far the best method of stress-relief he’s tried. He got to admire an engima that was Kuroo Tetsurou, and as time went by it became a habit. Or a need. Either way, the line between those two was smudged and Kuroo was a part of his everyday life now.

„So my roommate, Yaku, you know, he’s a really cool guy“ Tetsurou once told him „He paints a lot, and he also sneaks out sometimes, to god knows where. Every time I ask him about it, he just blushes and tells me to shut up. He’s probably seeing someone“

Tsukishima liked listening to Kuroo’s stories. He knew a lot of cool people. Kuroo’s roommate, for instance, was an artsy kid from class B that he’s never actually met, but Kuroo always laughed when talking about him. He had a lot of theories as to why Yaku’s never at their room, and they were all amusing.

„I was thinking, he could be in some kind of a cult or something“ Kuroo pondered, his expression remaining completely serious „I mean, he does wear a lot of black clothes, but I thought that’s just what painters do. Who knows, maybe he hangs out around graveyards and talks about the apocalypse with a bunch of weirdos?“ 

„You can’t be serious, Kuroo-san. From what I heard about him, he’s a very nice and tame person“ Tsukishima had to cover his mouth to stop himself from laughing.  
„Ahh, Tsukki, Tsukki, my poor, pure Tsukki...“ he shook his head like an old monk „Humans are just like the moon. Everyone has a hidden side“

„Wow, really deep Kuroo, I’m impressed“ Tsukishima sighed ironically „Anyway, why are you even interested in where Yaku-san goes?“

„Because I like knowing other people’s secrets. I like unraveling that hidden, dark side“ his voice was suddenly deep, making it all sound even more comical to Kei.  
„If that’s why you hang out with me, sorry to disappoint you, but you won’t find my ’hidden side’“. Kuroo just grinned and threw away his finished cigarette.  
„You should really quit those“ Tsukishima furrowed his brows „You’ll die early if you don’t“

„Yeah, kinda what I’m trying to do“ Tetsurou chuckled. Kei was taken aback a little bit, but he decided to shake it off as just another one of Kuroo’s weird jokes. He really had a, well, unique sense of humor. „And you should eat a little bit more, Tsukki! Look at how thin you are!“ he added. 

Tsukishima chose to say silent again. He couldn’t even count the number of people who have told him that, but he ignored it every single time. Pretend you didn’t hear it and forget about it – that was his tactic for dealing with the comments on his height and weight. 

He knew about all the gossip that was going around behind his back, he just chose not to act on it. „How is he so tall and blond if he’s Japanese?“, „I’ve heard it’s physically impossible for him to smile“ and „What a shame, that permanent frown will ruin his pretty face!“ were just some of his personal favourites. 

„Tsukki? Are you okay?“ Kuroo asked him quietly. He suddenly snapped out of his own thoughts and remembered that Kuroo was still there, walking him back to the dorms. „Uh, yeah, I was just thinking...“ he mumbled „Maybe Yaku-san really is a part of a cult“.  
Kuroo laughed too loudly and the irritating sound echoed down the corridor. Tsukishima knew in that moment that he will spend too much time thinking about that laughter. 

By the time he thought of a clever way to break the silence, they had reached Kei’s room on the last floor. It was one of the rare single bedrooms that only the richest students could afford, and they were all pretty rich. This was the first year that Tsukishima enjoyed that luxury, but his parents insisted on it. The official reason was that he had to focus on studying for college entrance exams. The real reason was not so pretty. Kei cringed at the mere thought of it.

„Oh yeah, I forgot you didn’t have a roommate“ Kuroo observed „Must be lonely“.  
„Not really, I’m fine by myself“ Kei shrugged it off again. He was telling the truth – not having a roommate actually had a positive influence on him. Not that his previous roommates were bad, he was just the type that prefered solitude. 

„Well, if you ever do get lonely, I’m always here!“ Kuroo chuckled while wrapping his arm around Tsukishima’s shoulders carelessly. He seemed to be the affectionate type, which was really getting on the blond’s nerves, but he couldn’t say anything. No matter how much he complained, Kuroo just didn’t seem to understand the concept of personal space. 

They were almost there, just a few steps away, Kei had to remind himself. It was a weird feeling, having a friend. He almost felt like he could be open with Kuroo and just let himself enjoy his teenage years. The key word being ’almost’. He still had some bittersweet memories of the last time he chose to go out of his way and do something moderately dangerous. He wasn’t going to repeat that. 

„Looks like we’re here!“ Kuroo exclaimed, arm still around Kei’s shoulders. „You know, you really don’t have to walk me to my door every single time. I’m capable of finding my own room“ Tsukishima repeated for the uptenth time that week. Kuroo never wants to hear it. It was a little weird at first, but Kei guessed it was just a habit of his, making sure his friends get home safe.

„Sooo, Tsukki...“ Kuroo suddenly prolonged his syllables and this screamed trouble to Kei, but he decided to let him finish „I was thinking, maybe we should exchange numbers, y’know, just in case?“ 

Oh god. Tsukishima didn’t like giving out his number. He hated texting, and he hated talking on the phone even more. His phone practically only had one function, and that was to call his mother three times a week, like she demanded. It was more of a report than a normal, casual conversation, but he got so used to it that he did it almost mechanically. 

„In case of what?“ he asked suspiciously. „Well, you know, in case I need help with school... and stuff?“ Kuroo offerend „Please, Tsukki, I promise it’s only for school purposes!“

Tsukishima didn’t believe him for a second. „Only if you promise not to bother me too much“ he tried to compromise, or rather, to convince himself that he really didn’t want Tetsurou’s phone number. He typed his digits begrudgingly, while the older boy looked ecstatic. 

„Thanks, Tsukki!“ his smile was so bright Tsukishima had to look away immediately „I’ll see you around then!“ With a wave and a small spring in his step, Kuroo disappeared down the hallway, and Kei needed a moment to compose himself. What the hell has just happened? He ran straight to the bathroom to splash his face with cold water. It didn’t help. 

Kuroo Fucking Tetsurou just had to appear on his last year of high school and ruin his perfectly mundane life. Just when he thinks everything is going according to plan and there’s no way his plan can go wrong, he appears. It would’ve almost been funny, had it not been so unfair.

It took him so much time to get back on his feet, to build this hostile facade to keep him safe, and now it was falling apart again. He was mad at himself for letting it happen again, and he was mad at Kuroo for existing and transferring to his school and trying so hard to befriend the most antisocial in the whole country. 

Deep down he knew it wasn’t anybody’s fault, least of all Kuroo’s, and that it was his choice to live in denial, he just never knew it would be so hard. Let’s just survive these two semesters and then I’ll go to college and get far away from all that’s dragging me down, he thought. It was empowering to think that he’ll finally be able to get rid of all these toxic people and all the metaphorical cages outside and within him.

Until then, he’ll survive wearing a mask and suffocating from anxiety every day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I posted the first two chapters together because they're kind of short and I still haven't figured out my updating schedule (school's really hard ok)  
> Also, forgot to mention that the fic name is inspired by the song "Lurk" by The Neighbourhood. Give it a try!  
> PS: Comments and kudos keep me alive so yeah


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is focused on KuroYaku friendship and a little bit of their respective backstories we

Kei would like to think Kuroo didn’t change anything. Some days it was easy to believe in that. It was easy to believe that Kuroo was just a transfer student who somehow decided it was a good idea to bug Tsukishima every day. 

But Tsukishima knew he was going to become a lot more problematic than that. He already knew that Kuroo knew a lot more about him than what was on the surface, and it was all too early.

As the semester progressed, Kuroo wasn’t any less energetic than he was on the first day. Tsukishima admired that – his own energy had already been crushed by tons of homework and tests. When he asked Kuroo how he could always be so positive, the first response he got was a giggle. And then a whisper: „Because I get to look at the moon every day“

Of course Tsukishima had told him that wasn’t possible. You look at the moon at night, obviously. But how could the moon, a mere satellite that we barely get a glimpse of, improve anyone’s mood in such way? The more he got to know Kuroo, the more he got used to the weird and mysterious aspects of his personality.

Kuroo still insisted on spending every lunch break together. As time went by, it became less annoying and more of a routine to Tsukishima. After so many years of spending his lunch breaks alone, Tsukishima expected it to be a lot more awkward, but Kuroo never seemed to be bored around him. 

The only time Kuroo ever got serious was when he was smoking. He was so fixated on smoke, like it was some kind of an artwork that demanded to be admired. He never just puffed it out, he took it all the way in and then just parted his lips slightly to watch it leave him slowly. 

As much as Tsukishima thought it was cool and artistic, there was also something sad about watching Kuroo silent. Maybe not sad, just unnatural. Tetsurou without a smile is like a sky without stars.  
***  
On Tuesday, the final bell rang and Kuroo didn’t go out for a smoke. He didn’t even go in the direction of his room, just waved to Tsukishima and went down a hallway silently. Tsukishima found it strange, but decided not to ask any questions. Just as Kuroo himself said, everyone has secrets, and Tsukishima didn’t even want to waste his time trying to figure him out. 

The problem is, he is an over-thinker and no matter how much he tried to keep his distance, once some got past his walls, he got attached too quickly for his liking. That’s why it was crucial to remind himself that Kuroo was just a transfer student that just tried to get his attention and be friendly. How pointless.

There wasn’t really anything anyone could gain from Tsukishima, besides maybe being left alone because everyone was afraid of him and help with homework. If Kuroo tried that hard for him just to improve his grades, then he must’ve really been desperate. 

When Tsukishima went out to the library that day, he spotted Kuroo returning to his room with a guy with an owl-like hairstyle and silver highlights. He was strange enough to be hanging out with Kuroo.

„Hey, isn’t that the friend you were talking about? The blond one with glasses?“ the stranger pointed at Tsukishima. Kuroo looked at him anxiously, and then at Tsukishima. It was a weird situation altogether. 

„Oh, hi Tsukki! What are you doing here?“ he asked while running his fingers through his hair. Tsukishima recognized it as Kuroo’s nervous habit, since he tends to do it a lot when he smokes. He also did the same thing when he asked for Tsukishima’s name. 

Before Tsukishima got the chance to answer the question, Kuroo’s friend jumped in, looking really hyper. „I’m Bokuto!“ he introduced himself „I’m Kuroo’s friend from Advanced Algebra class!“ 

Tsukishima accepted the boy’s hand, receiving a bone-crushing handshake. Kuroo was in Advanced Algebra? That was one of the few advanced classes Tsukishima didn’t take, and by far the hardest. He figured he and Kuroo were in different algebra classes because Kuroo was taking lower level class. The homework he asked Tsukishima to help him with was really basic.

„Is that so?“ Tsukishima finally spoke „I’m glad to see Kuroo-san made some more friends. No place like advanced classes to find people with similar interests, right?“ Bokuto agreed enthusiastically, failing to notice the sarcasm in the blond’s voice. Kuroo knew he screwed up as soon as he noticed Tsukishima cock an eyebrow, but there was no way out.

„Look, Tsukki, I can explain everything!“ he almost yelled. Bokuto’s expression turned into one of horror. „Shit, bro, did I say something wrong? Oh my god, I exposed you, didn’t I? I’m so sorry bro!“ he whined. It was all too funny to Tsukishima. Are these idiots really in an advanced class?

„No worries bro, it’s my fault. Uh, see you tomorrow!“ Kuroo waved and Bokuto ran off in the other direction, leaving them alone. „Let’s go to my room so I can tell you what this is about, okay?“ he muttered and dragged Tsukishima along with him.

As expected, Kuroo’s roommate was not there, but it was clear that two very different people were sharing a room. While it was a relatively small space, you could see right where it was divided in half, although there wasn’t a line.

The left half of the room was tidy, with wonderful paintings, drawings and photographs hanging on the walls. Tsukishima supposed it was Yaku-san’s half of the room, and he was right.  
Meanwhile, Kuroo’s side of the room was as messy as his hair.  
There were clothes, empty cigarette packs and cans of various fizzy drinks all over the floor. Tsukishima was surprised that Yaku-san was okay with that, seeing how he was almost a neat freak, and mildly disguisted. He too liked his room clean and orderly, but it was Kuroo after all, so he shouln’t have expected any better.

„You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Kuroo-san. Just don’t waste my time by sending me homework that you clearly don’t need help with“ Tsukishima cut him off before Kuroo could start talking. Why would he do that? It made no sense at all to Tsukishima, but again, it’s Kuroo. Nothing makes sense with Kuroo.

„I have a deal with Yaku. He sucks at algebra so I do his homework and he writes my English essays“ Kuroo explained, ignoring Tsukishima’s prelude. „But I still don’t get it. Why would you ask for my help if you can do it on your own?“ Tsukishima was geniunely curious about it, but Kuroo looked ashamed.

„I mean, I could’ve asked for your help in English, but then you would see how dumb I really am. It’s embarassing“ Kuroo admitted „And I had to had some school-related excuse to talk to you.“ 

„You’re not dumb, Kuroo. You’re in advanced algebra, for fuck’s sake! Not even I could get into that class!“ the bitterness was obvious in the blond’s tone, but neither of them cared at this point. Kuroo was in awe, staring at Tsukishima wide-eyed. „Making yourself look dumb when you’re not just to keep your stupid bad boy reputation is seriously pathetic“ Tsukishima mocked him, but somehow the other boy couldn’t get mad at him.

He was right, it was pathetic. It’s just that, he had this act memorised for years now, and it just became a part of him, even though his true nature was very, very different from that. Maybe he didn’t have to pretend around Tsukishima. The fact that this boy, who he had only known for about a month, managed to see right through him, was scary but impressive at the same time.

„But I really am bad at English, and you’re practically fluent, so you’d laugh at me for sure...“ Kuroo looked somewhat vunerable, and Tsukishima wasn’t sure if he liked that side of him. It’s like he really cared what Tsukishima thought of him, and that was something entirely new to Kei.

„Christ, do you think I’m that much of an asshole? Is that how you see me?“ Tsukishima sighed „I like teasing people, but I don’t hurt them on purpose“. It was just a simple concept really, almost a given, but somehow Tsukishima felt like he was exposing too much of himself. He might’ve lost the illusion of being mean that could’ve driven Kuroo away before it was too late.

„No, no, don’t get me wrong Tsukki, I know you’re not a bad person. It’s just that, sometimes, you can be a little intimidating“ Kuroo was a nervous mess and Tsukishima was enjoying every second of it. You don’t get to see the King of Provocation blush every day. But he could get used to that.

Yaku wasn’t supposed to return from his tutoring session until 6pm, and it was only 4pm, so Kuroo figured Tsukishima could stay for a little longer. The blond boy was admiring Yaku’s paintings. They were mostly flowers in warm, peachy colors, a landscape of the ocean and a portrait of an unknown woman. She had a bright smile, a baby pink summer dress that stopped right above her knees and strawberry blonde curls. 

That painting caught Tsukishima’s eye – or rather, he couldn’t stop looking at it. He examined the soft shades of pink, how well they blended and the calming effect they had on him.

„Yaku is really talented, isn’t he?“ Kuroo suddenly spoke, making Tsukishima shiver a little. He was so lost in his thoughts that he forgot about Kuroo even being there. He liked silence, he liked looking at art, and he liked hanging out with Kuroo. Life suddenly didn’t feel as heavy as it usually does.

„I wish I had some kind of talent like that“ Tsukishima admitted quietly „It must feel great to produce something this beautiful, don’t you think?“ His eyes were still fixated on that particular painting, it was simply breath-taking.

„Are you kidding me, Tsukki? You’re the smartest guy I know. You’re good at everything!“ Kuroo exclaimed. He was exaggerating, of course, but getting some praise for his hard work every once in a while wasn’t that bad. It’s not like he had anyone else to encourage him like that.

„Oh, hey, I forgot to tell you! Bokuto invited me to hang out with him and his roommate tomorrow and he said you can come too. I mean, if you want to...“ Kuroo suggested. 

What was happening? Obviously some kind of miracle had happened and he was now friends with Kuroo, but why would another complete stranger suddenly invite his to hang out? Was it even possible that Bokuto didn’t hear those nasty rumors everyone was spreading about him either? Was he a transfer student too?

„Mhm, sure“ Tsukishima nodded against his will. Kuroo was bad enough already, he really shouldn’t make more friends. It was a weird way to think, but Tsukishima always thought the less people he let in – the better. And there was this gut-wrenching feeling again.

„Uh, cool! I didn’t think you’d accept it!“ Kuroo chuckled, looking somewhat relieved „We’re just going to play some games at their room, maybe order pizza, no need to be so nervous!“ It was obviously hard for someone as outgoing as Kuroo to understand the anxiety meeting new people induced to Tsukishima. 

Kei continued to play with the hem of his shirt, looking down to avoid Kuroo’s focused gaze. He was doing it again – staring at Kei like he was cracking a code, zooming in on every detail, making him uncomfortably self-conscious. Why was he always doing that?

„You’re so strange, Tsukki“ Kuroo said with a soft smile on his lips „The more I find out about you, the less you make sense.“ Kei didn’t really know what to think of those words. It was like Kuroo was genuinely fascinated by him, but at the same time, he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something very dangerous about Kuroo.

„I could say the same thing about you, Kuroo-san“ Tsukishima smirked in his usual snarky manner „You’re always so full of surprises. Who knew an idiot who doesn’t even know how to use a hairbrush is actually good at maths?“ He was feeling more like himself already. 

„Can we keep my hair out of this for once, please? It has done nothing to hurt you“ Kuroo whined. „Well it hurts my eyes every day“ Tsukishima continued, not paying attention to Kuroo’s pained expression. He was enjoying this a lot more than he should.

Suddenly Tsukishima’s eyes averted to the clock on the wall above Kuroo’s desk. „It’s late, I should probably get going“ he mumbled while standing up. The thought of all the homework he had yet to complete made his skin crawl. 

Kuroo got up and followed him to the door in silence. He always hated to see Tsukishima leave, because hanging out with him was unexpectedly entertaining. Yaku was about to come back any minute now anyway, so at least he won’t be bored. Studying obviously wasn’t an option.

„I’ll come to your room tomorrow after class so we can go to Bokuto’s together, okay?“ Kuroo spoke after a while. Tsukishima just nodded, they exchanged their goodbyes and the door was finally closed. Both of them immediately felt a strange emptiness. 

***

Half an hour later, Yaku returned to their room, slightly disheveled. His cheeks were red and his hair, although short, looked messier than it did when he left.

„Woah man, are you okay?“ Kuroo dropped the magazine he was reading as soon as he noticed him. Yaku took of his shoes and his blazer before collapsing on his bed. „Yeah, I’m fine, just a little tired from playing volleyball“ he managed to say, while his breathing was stabilizing. 

„I thought you were tutoring some first-year kid?“ Kuroo questioned, tilting his head slightly to the side. He was now completely focused on the shorter boy, who was still staring at the ceiling. He’s definitely hiding something, Kuroo thought. 

„Well, yeah, but after our lesson ended, he wouldn’t stop whining until I tossed to him. He’s such a child sometimes“ Yaku sighed „No, all the time“. Kuroo couldn’t help but notice how the corners of Yaku’s lips turned upwards. 

„Ah, that brings back memories. I used to play volleyball in my old school, but my parents wouldn’t let me continue here because my grades have dropped“ Kuroo remembered. He felt an unexpected wave of sadness wash over him. He missed volleyball.

„Oh, I’m sorry“ Yaku said quietly. He already knew nothing he could say had the power to cheer Kuroo up. Kuroo never talked about his past, but volleyball seemed to be a specially touchy subject, something he’s been bottling up for a long time.

Kuroo knew that Yaku was a caring person and wanted to help everyone. It was one of his best qualities. He even agreed to tutor a lost cause for free, and if that wasn’t enough of a proof of his kind nature, nothing is. Kuroo never met the guy Yaku was tutoring, but from what he heard, he was a handful. 

 

„Have you finished all your homework, Kuroo?“ Yaku asked. Kuroo turned his head away and bit his lip, which spoke for itself. Yaku shot him a judging glare and threw a pillow right into his face.

„Hey, what was that for?!“ Kuroo protested. Instead of answering him, Yaku just pointed to his desk and ordered him to do his homework. „Yes, mom“ the taller boy teased, but obeyed him anyway. He sighed, stretched, digged into his backpack, then his drawers, and managed to make a huge mess before actually getting started on his work.

„Seriously, why do I always have to be the mature one?“ Yaku complained. He got up and went on to take a shower. The sun had already set, but he wasn’t going to let Kuroo go to sleep until he had finished all his homework.

Kuroo always wondered why Yaku had such a need to take care of everyone, but after some time he realised that’s just who he was. It must be tiring, Kuroo thought, yet he admired Yaku greatly. 

Besides tutoring a bunch of his friends, making sure Kuroo did his homework, preparing every meal for the both of them and cleaning the room every day, he somehow managed to get perfect grades and even found the time to paint. Kuroo could never be that disciplined, even if he tried.

When Yaku came out of the shower, Kuroo was focused on his homework, which put a content smile on his face. „Hey, Yaku, I never asked you this, but who’s the girl on that painting?“ the black-haired boy suddenly turned around in his chair.

Yaku blinked a few times, caught off guard by the question. People usually didn’t ask him to explain his paintings. They would just compliment them and sometimes admire them in silence for a little longer, but nobody wanted to hear the story behind them. 

„Uh, that’s my mom. I based it on a photograph taken on our last trip together, five years ago. She passed away when I was twelve“ he explained. A small smile didn’t leave his face as he was looking at the painting. Now Kuroo was the one who couldn’t find the right words.

„I’m sorry“ he whispered, his eyes glued to the floor „It’s a beautiful painting, though. She must’ve been a beautiful woman“. He took more time to look at the painting. It was obvious why Tsukishima liked it so much.

„She was“ Yaku was still smiling „But why’d you suddenly ask me about it?“ His voiced seemed to be lighter, and weight was lifted off of Kuroo’s chest. Once he got tounge-tied, he never knew how to get out of it.

„Oh, it’s just that Tsukki liked it a lot, so I wanted to know more about it“ he chuckled. The image of Tsukishima’s sparkling eyes came back into his mind, making him feel a little warmer. „Tsukishima-san was here?“ Yaku panicked „And you didn’t clean your room before inviting a friend over?!“ Kuroo couldn’t help but laugh.

„Relax, it’s just Tsukki. True, he was a little disguisted by me, but I’m used to it“ Kuroo admitted. Yaku just shook his head in disappointment, as to say ’I did not raise you this way’. The taller boy still found it hilarious, but looking back, he probably should’ve cleaned his room.

„Anyway, are you done with your homework yet? You should go to sleep soon if you don’t want to be late for class tomorrow... again“ Yaku scolded him. Kuroo was just closing his notebooks and returning them to his backpack. 

„Don’t worry, it’s all finished, I’ll just take a quick shower and then I’ll go to sleep“ Kuroo promised. Sharing a room with Yaku definitely made him a better person, or at least a more organised one. With all the effort he’s been putting into school this semester, and his roommate constantly bugging him about it, he felt less anxious about the end result.  
***  
Of course he was late to school again. 

Yaku was in their small kitchen making them breakfast while Kuroo hit ’snooze’ for the third time that morning. He was always allowed two snoozes before Yaku went in, took off his blankets and dragged him out of bed. Complaining (on Kuroo’s side) and death treaths (on Yaku’s) became a part of their morning routine.

Cold October air touched Kuroo’s skin as Yaku threw his blankets away violently. They always had their window opened because Yaku was slightly claustrophobic, and Kuroo swore he’ll freeze to death one of these mornings.

„Rise and shine shitface, your history class begins in twenty minutes!“ Yaku yelled. Kuroo was still in fetus position, pathetically trying to warm up. „If you don’t get up in less than three seconds, you’re not getting your breakfast!“ his roommate threatened from the kitchen. That was enough to send Kuroo sprinting out of bed.

Yaku was already in his uniform, his hair looked neat and he was wearing expensive cologne. Kuroo, on the other hand, made a funny contrast to that. Only in his wildest dream did his hair look as tame as Yaku’s, and he was still in his plain black t-shirt and red pyjama pants. At this point, it was useless to try to get ready in twenty minutes.

„If you want to get good grades, you have to at least get to class in time“ Yaku preached as Kuroo ate his strawberry oatmeal. He doubted Kuroo’s lazy ass would ever change, but at least he could try to make him a more responsible. Really, being a single mother of a 17-year-old baby was tough.

Kuroo finished his breakfast, got dressed and tried to make his hair look like less of a catastrophe. Seriously, who thought it was a good idea to have a tie as a part of a high school uniform. His old uniform was much easier to put on, and he didn’t do well with ties. They were just too complicated. 

Once Yaku pushed him out of the room, Kuroo dragged his feet towards the classroom. At least he had second period, which was biology, with Tsukki, and that alone made the day ahead of him look a lot more bearable. Of course, Tsukishima took advanced history, so he had to suffer through the first period alone, but he has something to look forward to.

***

„Tsuuukiii!“ Kuroo yelled out when he saw a tall blond figure walk toward him. Tsukishima looked indifferent as always, but he’d be lying if he said seeing that idiot didn’t brighten up his day a little bit. Kuroo was still waving like crazy, not even trying to hide his excitement. 

„Hi, Kuroo-san“ Tsukishima greeted him flatly. They were polar opposites, yet they got along so well. Surely no one would’ve expected for the two of them to become friends, actually, no one was expecting for Tsukishima to ever make friends. But it was a proof that miracles do happen.

They stood by the classroom door, watching as a wave of students all hurried to their classrooms. Tsukishima sometimes found the loud footsteps and chatter a bit overwhelming, but with Kuroo beside him, it was bearable. 

Kuroo just stood there and looked at him with those tired but perceptive eyes of his. Somehow, Tsukishima wasn’t creeped out, or even uncomfortable with that. Just as Kuroo said, he’s always solving some mystery in form of a human being. „Hey, Tsukki, are you still up for hanging out with me and Bokuto after class?“ he asked. 

„Uh, sure“ Tsukishima confirmed. He was still gazing at his shoes, Kuroo noted. Somewhere along the way he had started making mental notes on the little things Kei did. He didn’t want to forget these moments, as he felt they would mean a lot to him further down the road. He meant what he said to Tsukishima back then – he planned to stick around for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was still short-ish and not really exciting, but I promise that will change soon.  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and thank you for comments and kudos! Seriously tho, comments are what I live for.  
> 


	4. Twister

Since he had met Kuroo, Tsukishima had a lot less quiet, alone time to speak of than before. He did miss that, but at the same time, he was beyond surprised to realise that Kuroo, as loud and intense as he was, didn’t drain him out like most people did.

That’s why, whenever Kuroo asked him to spend time together, he almost never said no. With the exception of busy days before finals, they were hanging out most of the time, so when Kuroo wanted to introduce him to his new friends, he accepted.

Which did not mean he didn’t feel anxious about it. He’s only seen Bokuto once, and it was evident the he was a troublemaker just like Kuroo. Sure, they both took advanced algebra, but that didn’t mean they weren’t complete goofballs outside of that class. 

He didn’t bother to change into casual clothes before Kuroo came to pick him up. No one’s ever seen him in his casual clothes inside of the dorms, because putting an outfit together was an effort that wasn’t worth it. Unless his mother made him dress up for a special occassion, Kei prefered his uniform anyway.

Kuroo, on the other hand, showed up at his door in something that was not a uniform and Tsukishima felt all sorts of strange things at once. 

It was nothing special, really. An oversized red hoodie and a pair of blue jeans. A rather plain outfit, except this was the first time Kei had seen Kuroo like that, and he didn’t know what to think of it. 

And he was wearing that white, magnetic grin again. „Hey, Tsukki, long time no see!“ he chuckled, casually leaning on the doorframe. 

„It’s been an hour since we saw each other“ Tsukishima sighed.

„I know, but I’ve missed you in that hour! An hour without you is like a year without rain!“ Kuroo teased, placing a hand on his heart. It was always a clear sign that he was being overly-dramatic on purpose. It happened a lot. 

Tsukishima moved Kuroo out of the way and locked the door behind himself. „Why are you still in your uniform, Tsukki?! You know you can wear anything you want out of class, right?“ Kuroo looked at him wide-eyed, like it was a crime against nature to wear a uniform outside of school.

„I just feel more comfortable this way, that’s all“ the blond explained with his hands in his pockets. It was already enough that he’s took off his blazer. However, Kuroo still didn’t get it.

He was one of those people who hated uniforms and loved to express themselves in any way possible. As for Tsukishima, well, he thought there wasn’t much to express in the first place. To develop a personal style, you have to have a personality, and he didn’t have one.

„Hmm, let’s see...“ Kuroo murmured to himself „Bokuto said it’s room 240, so I think we’re close“. Despite of going to this school for three years now, Tsukishima was bad at navigating and he had no sense of space, so he just let Kuroo, a transfer student, lead the way.

„Ah, we’re here!“ Kuroo exclaimed like an excited child. He and Bokuto must’ve been really good friends. But then again, Kuroo was just fiercely extroverted and took every opportunity he had to have fun and meet new people.

A black-haired boy slightly shorter than Bokuto opened the door for them when Kuroo knocked insistently. He politely introduced himself as Akaashi Keiji, and Tsukishima immediately thought he could get along with this guy.

Akaashi was just as calm and collected as Tsukishima, at least on the outside. It just looked like he was at peace with the fact that he’s friends with an idiot, and he could give a tip or two to Tsukishima.

„Bro!“ Bokuto yelled as soon as he saw Kuroo. They already had their own handshake. The other two boys had to just stand there and wait for them to finish a two-minute long ritual. A standard fist bump marked the end of that spectacle and they could now carry on.

„Bro, this was the first time we were able to do it perfectly in one take!“ Kuroo realised, and both he and Bokuto had comical looks of surprise on their faces. Tsukishima might’ve let out a short laugh behind his hand, when Kuroo wasn’t looking. 

„Yeah, Akaashi, we’ve been practicing for days! Isn’t it cool?“ Bokuto looked like child seeking approval from his mother. Their friendship had a funny dynamic, with Bokuto being as hyperactive as he was, and Akaashi’s neutral face and exhausted breaths.

„That’s nice, Bokuto-san“ Akaashi praised the older boy with a fond smile. Bokuto’s expression at the moment reminded Tsukishima of a proud puppy after getting his treat. It wasn’t hard to see how much Bokuto respected and valued Akaashi.

„So, Akaashi will bring you snacks and I’ll go get us some board games!“ Bokuto exclaimed, rummaging through his drawers. Kuroo quietly explained to Tsukishima that Bokuto takes his board games very seriously.

***  
„Bokuto-san... I don’t think Twister counts as a board game...“ Tsukishima’s expression turned into one of terror when he saw the game Bokuto picked. „C’mon Tsukki, it’ll be fun! You don’t have a lot of fun, do you?“ Kuroo wiggled his eyebrows like a creepy old man.  
Tsukishima looked at Akaashi, hoping to find some support, but it looked like he had already accepted his faith. He’s probably used to it, living with Bokuto. Tsukishima silently prayed for his soul and thanked god he had no roommates.

He gave up in the end. After a game of rock-paper-scissors, Akaashi got to spin the wheel and Tsukishima was left alone on the board with two beefy, over-sized children. „Time for one last prayer“ he thought.

„Bokuto, left leg red“ Akaashi announced in a very monotone voice, but he couldn’t hide a giggle after seeing Bokuto try to get his leg under Kuroo’s. The two of them were already pretty unstable and it seemed like Akaashi took pity on Tsukishima and let him stay in the corner. For a while.

„Tsukishima-san, right hand green“. Now he was the one who had to get past Kuroo, and it was no easy task. He took some time to strategically plan his path and ended up placing his hand right next to Kuroo’s. It wasn’t that bad.

After attempting to do his next move, Bokuto tripped over Tsukishima’s leg and got disqualified. He wasn’t very good at accepting failure, so he crawled to Akaashi and started whining on his shoulder. 

It was just Kuroo and Tsukishima on the board now, and Kuroo looked determined to win. He had a mischevious glow in his eyes as he placed his leg over Tsukishima’s. They were already pretty tangled up and it was clear they weren’t going to last much longer. 

Bokuto couldn’t resist providing very enthusiastic commentary.

As they reshuffled their positions a few more times, Kuroo’s shirt lifted up a little bit and he had blow at his hair to prevent it from blocking his vision in such a crucial moment. His hair tickled Tsukishima’s neck as he was practically on top of the younger boy.  
The small giggle Tsukishima tried to hide was what made Kuroo collapse and take the other boy down with him. Tsukishima could barely breathe under the mass of Kuroo’s body, but that might’ve not been the only reason.

Kuroo hesitated a little bit before untangling their limbs. He looked at Tsukishima like a deer in the headlights, and although that moment lasted for a split second, Tsukishima noticed red blotches on his cheeks.

Then again, it could’ve just been his imagination, because Kuroo looked as calm and collected as ever just a few moments later. „Well, this was fun!“ Kuroo said while stretching his arms „How ’bout we play some video games now to relax?“

Everyone was down for that suggestion, especially Tsukishima, who felt both physically and mentally exhausted after that intense game of Twister. Bokuto was still beaming and set on „beating Kuroo’s ass“ at Mario Kart, which gave Tsukishima and Akaashi some time to talk.

„Bokuto’s really I handful, I know, and it’s even worse when he’s paired up with Kuroo“ Akaashi sighed. Tsukishima took a moment to analyze Akaashi from head to toe, something he caught himself doing quite a lot when meeting new people.

He couldn’t find a single flaw. Unlike Kuroo and Bokuto, Akaashi had a calming effect on him, his voice was always politely toned down, and his physical appearence was on a whole new level. 

From his chiseled cheekbones and feathery black hair, down to his slim fingers and effortlessly elegant movements, Akaashi was so beautiful in all his natural simplicity that it scared Tsukishima a little bit.

Him and Bokuto were polar opposites, yet best friends. It gave Tsukishima some hope that he will eventually adjust to Kuroo and maybe even form a real and valuable friendship. That thought didn’t sound scary for the first time in his life.  
„I totally beat him, Akaashi!“ Bokuto cheered after their game was done. Kuroo groaned and insisted on a rematch, but Bokuto was just too happy to care. „Good job, Bokuto-san“ Akaashi smiled whole-heartedly. Bokuto looked like he got praised by god himself.

It looked like Akaashi really liked seeing Bokuto happy and proud of himself, since he always smiled when Bokuto smiled. Tsukishima could feel their closeness and almost wished he had that kind of trust in another human. 

Kuroo must’ve caught on to Tsukishima’s brooding and empty stare, since he tilted his head to the side a little bit and looked at him inquisitively. He didn’t even notice Kuroo staring at his at first, but when he did, chills went down his spine and he tore his gaze away.

„Uh, guys, we should probably get going“ Kuroo was the first one to break the silence. Bokuto pouted and looked at Akaashi with his best puppy eyes, but the strict expression on the younger boy’s face was a clear sign it wasn’t going to work this time.

„We had a nice time. Thanks for inviting us“ Tsukishima said as he put his shoes back on. „Tsukki, you’re such a polite little grandpa, I don’t know if it’s cute or embarassing“ Kuroo squealed while pinching his cheek. 

Of all the annoying things Kuroo did, acting like his mother was one of Tsukishima’s least favourite. He slapped his hand away and shot him a death glare, but that wasn’t an uncommon occurence anymore. 

„Excuse me, just because you don’t have manners doesn’t mean no one else is allowed to have them“ Tsukishima replied with double the snark in his voice.

„Aw, look at you two, fighting like a married couple!“ Bokuto teased, but only got a nervous chuckle from Kuroo and another death glare from Tsukishima. „If I ever want to get married to someone like this idiot, please shoot me before I make such a tragic mistake“ Tsukishima deadpanned.

Although it was supposed to be insulting and not even sarcastic, Bokuto started laughing, and so did Kuroo. „Don’t worry, no girl in this world hates herself so much to vow to a lifetime in Tsukishima saltmines“ Kuroo giggled. 

After some jabbing and a second round of goodbyes, the door was finally closed and Kuroo insisted on following Tsukishima back to his room. „I really had fun, you know“ Tsukishima admitted while pulling at his sleeve „I didn’t say it just to sound polite“

Kuroo’s startled expression soon turned into a smile. „Aw, Tsukki, I’m so glad“ he said and swung his arm over Tsukishima’s shoulders „I thought you’d be uncomfortable or annoyed with me and Bokuto“. 

„Woah, don’t get ahead of yourself. I never said I wasn’t annoyed with you and Bokuto“ Tsukishima returned to his defense mode. 

Kuroo laughed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a pretty short and rushed chapter, but I didn't want to abandon this fic completely (because I love writing it with all my heart) so I just had to make myself write to get back in the mood. Don't worry, I don't have the heart to leave it unfinished, I already have the next chapter planned out and it's going to be F U N : )  
> PS: Comments mean the world to me and I'm all for constructive criticism so come yell at me


	5. The Appearance of Daishou Suguru

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm kind of ashamed to just appear after all these months but yeah i hope you forgive me and i hope you choose to continue to read this because i'll definitely continue to write it!

Kuroo was far from a jumping ray of sunshine. He often slept in class, spaced out and had black circles under his eyes that must’ve kept some kind of secret. 

Yet whenever he saw Tsukishima approach him, it was like a switch was flipped and his face just lit up instantly. He would stay like that for the rest of the day, never letting the corners of his mouth fall down.

That was strangely magnetic. Tsukishima supposed that people like Kuroo, who are above average on the conventional attractiveness scale, possessed that power. When he saw Kuroo smile, he almost wanted to smile too, but that would just be weird. He could barely remember what his genuine smile looked like anymore.

He was greeted with this smile every single day, even on a gray and rainy morning such as this one. The calming sound of the pouring rain made everyone in the class sleepy, including Tsukishima, and Kuroo started snoring as soon as he took his seat.

The sky was so dark that it was hard to believe it’s already 10 am, with no sign of the sun anywhere near them. Kei actually liked this kind of weather, mostly because it gave him an excuse to stay in bed all day. 

Kuroo and Tsukishima usually spent their lunch break outside in the forest, but as it was raining cats and dogs out there, they had to stay in the canteen with the rest of the students.

Tsukishima heard utterly pointless conversations all around him and wished he had brought his headphones. All his classmates talked about pretty girls from a nearby all-girls school, and all he could do is roll his eyes at their gross train of thinking. 

But it was to be expected, after all. All the guys from the prestigious Shiobara Academy that he attended ended up with girls equally as rich and spoiled as themselves. They become politicians, lawyers or bankers and have idle, luxurious lives. Just like his father and his brother did.

„Hey, Tsukki, whatcha thinking about?“ Kuroo asked with a lazy grin. Tsukishima wasn’t in the mood to talk. He just wanted to go back to his room and curl up in ten blankets – it was that kind of day. It was fascinating how Kuroo still had that much energy in him. 

„Nothing“ he huffed. Kuroo kept rambling about something, probably a boring class or a boring professor (because everything school-related was boring according to Kuroo), but Tsukishima was observing a scene on the opposite side of the lunch room.

A group of guys he had never seen before entered, wearing uniforms from some other school. One of them stood out particularly, with his arrogant posture, an undercut and... are those piercings?

He was too far away for Tsukishima to see clearly, but his rebellious style made him look too out-of-place to be at Shiobara Academy. The two boys next to him looked slightly tamer, they were evidently just sidekicks.

The stranger’s cat-like eyes and the smug curve of his lips somewhat reminded Tsukishima of Kuroo. However, he knew Kuroo better than that. His appearance was almost a complete contrast to his kind and goofy personality. This guy, on the other hand, looked like serious trouble. 

„Tsukki, are you even listening to me?!“ Kuroo pouted, finally looking up from his bento. He froze in place as he turned his head to see what Tsukishima was staring at so intently.

„Oh hell no...“ he clenched his fists under the table, then muttered a barrage of swear words under his breath. Tsukishima was shaken out of his trance and tilted his head slightly to look at Kuroo instead. He was shaking.  
The black haired boy stared at his shoes, but Tsukishima could sense an unfamiliar amount of anger and all sorts of other emotions in his breathing. „Kuroo, are you okay?“ he asked, shaking his shoulder lightly. 

Kuroo stood up and ran out of the cafeteria, leaving what was left of his lunch on the table. Tsukishima was left speechless. It was not like Kuroo to act this way, so whoever this guy was, Kuroo must’ve had a serious problem with him.

The guy in question looked Tsukishima straight in the eyes, not dropping that vile grin of his. Kei was wrong, he was nothing like Kuroo. Kuroo’s annoying smile was just teasing, not... evil. 

„Daishou! Long time no see, man! You never came here before, how come you’re here now?“ a group of boys from Shiobara gathered around him and his friends. 

Tsukishima decided to stay in his seat and finish his lunch in peace. Although he was concerned about Kuroo, he knew he had to give him space and let him have some time for himself. It would be pointless to force him to talk, Kuroo was, much like Kei himself, not the kind of person to share personal details with just anyone. 

Kei would like to think he wasn’t just „anyone“, that he was Kuroo’s friend, but he was not entitled to be the judge of that. Kuroo was friendly to pretty much everyone, so Tsukishima had no reason to think he was special. 

It was just Tsukishima’s social incompetence and inexperience that made him think like that. There was no difference in how Kuroo treated him and how he treated Bokuto. But what would he know about friendships anyway? It was all too new and confusing. 

So he had to just let Kuroo be. Although this Daishou guy grabbed his attention and he wanted to find out what’s his deal, he silently returned to the classroom, just five minutes before the class was supposed to start.

Kuroo wasn’t there, and Tsukishima knew for a fact that they had the next class together. He must’ve gone to the bathroom to get a hold of himself, he wouldn’t skip class... Would he? Kei had little to no idea about Kuroo’s past. He never bothered to ask about his former school, why he transferred, did he have any friends there, perhaps a girlfriend...

It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested, he really wanted to get to know Kuroo better, but he was afraid of Kuroo asking something about him too, so he decided it was too risky. Maybe he should’ve asked; then he would have known how to deal with the current situation.

He had never seen Kuroo so upset, but then again, they’ve only known each other for a couple of months. The sound of dozens of footsteps approaching interrupted his thoughts, but none of the students entering the classroom was Kuroo. The teacher should walk in any minute now, and Kuroo still wasn’t there.

And he didn’t appear in school for the rest of the day either. Tsukishima kept stealing glances at his seat, thinking he was just a bit late, but five minutes had passed, and then ten, and then another three periods, and he was still nowhere to be found.

The most logical explanation was that he got sick and went to the school nurse, but Tsukishima was still skeptical. „No, don’t go out looking for him. Don’t go to his room, you’ll just bother his roommate. And you can’t go to the forest since it’s still raining, and he isn’t crazy enough to go outside in this weather either...“ Tsukishima reminded himself.

He was either in his room or at the nurse’s, but he was safe anyway, so there was no reason for Tsukishima to worry. He returned to his room, there was a test tomorrow he had to study for, so there was no time to think about Kuroo.

***

There was someone in front of Kuroo’s room. Tsukishima was just passing by on the way to his room when he noticed the dark figure and his first instinct was to hide behind the closest wall. 

„Go away, I didn’t want to see your ugly face ever again!“ a familiar voice yelled from inside the room. It was Kuroo. „Aww, c’mon Tetsu, do you hate me that much? After all the good times we had?“ the boy, who Kei could now see was Daishou, hissed. 

„Tetsu“? Just how close were they? Kei assumed they were friends back in Kuroo’s former school and got into some kind of fight, but that was just an obvious guess. There was no telling what really happened between them, but judging by the distressed tone of Kuroo’s voice, it had to be something more. 

„Don’t ever call me that again, you sick fuck!“ Kuroo screamed again. Tsukishima was scared – he felt like he heard something he shouldn’t have. The feeling of guilt made him want to leave, but there was no way to do so. Daishou would definitely see him and that could only cause trouble.

Although he was significantly shorter than Tsukishima and had a small build overall, Daishou was not the kind of guy whose bad side he wanted to get on (assuming he had a ’good side’ in the first place). 

It seemed that Daishou gave up after a while and went away to who knows where. Tsukishima waited for his footsteps to die down so he knows he’s safe, and then sneaked away to his room. Once he was finally inside, he let out a desperate sigh and collapsed onto the bed.  
***

Kuroo acted like nothing happened. 

Tsukishima was surprised to see him in class the next day but extremely relieved at the same time. Kuroo was not too far from his usual self, the only difference being his smile. It was forced and fake, and that might’ve not been so obvious to someone who had never seen him smile sincerely, but it was to Kei.

It was upsetting. Kei was already too used to seeing Kuroo’s stupid grin, so the absence of it made everything seem weird and out of place. It was not the Kuroo he knew, bu then again, he couldn’t be so sure if he really knew anything about him after yesterday. 

„Kuroo-san, how are you?“ Tsukishima bit the bullet and approached him first. When he got closer, he saw that his undereye circles were much darker than usual, which was just another red light in his eyes. 

„Good, good...“ he mumbled, although he did seem to have lightened up, even if it was just barely when he saw Tsukishima. „And you, Tsukki?“ Kuroo added abruptly after a few moments of silence. It was like he forgot he had to end a sentence and only remembered it a few seconds later.

„I’m fine, but I don’t think you are, really“ Tsukishima admitted confidently. There was no going back now – he was going to do what he assumed good friends did and provide Kuroo with as much support and comfort as he can. 

„Look, can we talk about this after class?“ Kuroo said dishearteningly „I still need some time to recollect myself“. Tsukishima just nodded and decided not to bug Kuroo for the rest of the day, until the classes end. 

It was still raining, he noticed when his eyes naturally gravitated towards the window. It wasn’t like he had an interesting view, it was just the endless forest surrounding them, but it became a habit of his once he realized it was still more interesting than listening to certain lectures.  
***  
Tsukishima stared at his shoes while waiting for Kuroo outside of the classroom. They were so freshly-polished that he could almost see his reflection in them. He started playing with his fingers, unsure of how things are going to go with Kuroo from now on. The appearance of that sketchy guy yesterday seemed to have started an earthquake in Kuroo.

„Oh, Tsukki...“ Kuroo took in a sharp breath when he saw Tsukishima just quietly standing by the door „You were waiting for me?“. 

„Tsk, come on, you idiot! We’re already late for lunch, what took you so long?“ Tsukishima sounded annoyed when he grabbed Kuroo’s sleeve and practically dragged him through the hallways to the cafeteria. 

„Tsukki, I just need to go to the bathroom real quick, you take our seats and I’ll be back soon!“ Kuroo announced just when they were already about to enter the cafeteria. Tsukishima just nodded and went on without him, not even having the energy to be bothered by Kuroo's odd behavior.

As soon as he sat down at his (and, as of lately, Kuroo’s) usual table, he noticed from the corner of his eyes a figure approaching him and prayed to every god he knew of that it was just another classmate that needed to copy his homework. It wasn’t.

It was the suspicious guy from yesterday, and he was wearing a smirk that looked disturbingly sly. Tsukishima was still clinging to the little bit of hope that he would just pass him by, but given how sternly he was looking into his eyes, that wasn’t going to happen.

Daishou was wearing a leather jacket and black skinny jeans ripped at the knees paired with a simple white v-neck t-shirt and combat boots, not the school uniform he was wearing yesterday.

„Hey, blondie,“ Daishou said teasingly „Mind if I sit next to you?“. With his posture, it looked like Tsukishima’s answer didn’t matter either way. He moved like a predator with his eyes fixed on the prey, and he’ll just take what he wants without stopping along the way.

Tsukishima tried to mumble something about the seat being taken, but he knew that wouldn’t be enough to make Daishou go away, so he looked at him the scariest way he knew how. Daishou pulled out the chair and sat next to him anyway. 

Alarmingly close, Tsukishima noted. Both of them were scanning each other from head to toe, although Tsukishima looked irritated, to say the least, while Daishou looked just plain entertained. Daishou was the first one to break the tense silence that started to look a lot like a staring contest.

„So, what’s your name, blondie?“ he asked. Tsukishima might’ve been hallucinating, and he was definitely not experienced in that field, but he was pretty sure Daishou’s behavior could be described as flirty. 

A loud „no“ echoed in his head as that thought threatened to develop. „Please leave, I’m waiting for someone,“ Tsukishima said instead, avoiding the question. Why would he even need to introduce himself to this guy? He didn’t want to talk to him anyway, and Kuroo could come back at any given moment and freak out again. 

„Is it Kuroo?“ Daishou asked again „Are you two friends?“. Tsukishima felt like he was being interrogated and he was determined to dodge all the questions. This guy has to go away – in addition to Tsukishima not liking people interrupting his lunch, and people in general, this was someone who obviously had a problem with his friend. 

„You could say that. Now, I have to ask you to leave. Again“ Tsukishima ground through his teeth. Mild irritation was now turning into anger. He didn’t like having to repeat himself, but it seemed like Daishou just chose to ignore the words he didn’t want to hear.

„Oh, c’mon, I haven’t even got your name yet! Maybe you would prefer giving me your number?“ Daishou suggested with a wink. Yep, that was definitely flirting. Tsukishima was now so dumbfounded that he couldn’t even come up with a snarky response. Why would anyone, let alone this guy, who was insanely attractive (well, objectively, of course), flirt with him?

Ah. The solution hit Tsukishima like a ton of bricks. It was some kind of prank. Tsukishima was merely a pawn in this Daishou – Kuroo feud. Of course. And if he was to fall for it, the whole school would make fun of him.

„If you don’t go away right now, I’ll make sure you never come close to this school ever again. Am I clear enough now?“ Tsukishima emphasized every word, talking slowly like he was explaining something very serious to a toddler.

„Ohoho, okay, Mr. Salty. I’ll leave you alone for now, but I’ll be back. I’m not the one to give up so easily!“ Daishou promised with a tiny smile that almost looked innocent „Now that I’ve seen your cute angry face, I might come around to annoy you even more. Sorry!“

This joke went too far. Daishou slowly walked away, throwing a peace sign at Tsukishima from over his shoulder. He struck Tsukishima as someone who keeps his promises, and someone who is not above annoying someone until they do whatever he wants. Almost like Kuroo, plus the malicious intents.

Tsukishima huffed as he finally got the chance to unpack his lunch. Kuroo just appeared from behind him, making him jump from his seat a little bit. His eyes looked dead but the way he bit his lips showed that he was boiling.

„Why were you in the bathroom for so long?“ Tsukishima asked monotonously. He didn’t know if Kuroo saw him talking to Daishou, but assuming he didn’t, he hadn’t planned on mentioning it. That could potentially set Kuroo off.

„Daishou was here again, wasn’t he?“ Kuroo asked in the same bland and tired voice, anger still showing just in his body language. The question caught Tsukishima off guard; he was hoping they wouldn’t have to discuss it, because, frankly, he didn’t know what was safe to say and what wasn’t.

„Yeah, I told him to go away. What’s his deal?“ Tsukishima sounded casual as always, even making Kuroo a bit calmer. It was a good thing Tsukishima was smart enough not to fall for Daishou’s manipulations. If only Kuroo had been that smart a few years ago.

„I don’t know“ he sighed desperately „Just, please stay cautious Tsukki. That guy is no good“. That still wasn’t enough information for Tsukishima. It wasn’t that hard to see why Kuroo hated Daishou, most people probably did, but he had a feeling that it was more than his annoying personality this time.

„Why?“ 

„Urgh, just... Just stay away from him, okay? I mean, I can’t stop you from making friends, but he doesn’t want to be your friend. He always has ulterior motives, but I’m sure you already know that“ Kuroo said nervously, avoiding Tsukishima’s inquisitive stare.

Once it became clear he wasn’t going to get anything else out of Kuroo’s mouth, Tsukishima gave up and they continued to eat their lunch in silence. The silence was usually not a good sign when it came to Kuroo. In the short time that he’s been talking to Kuroo, he noticed that Kuroo is ever only silent when he has thoughts he wants to hide.

Maybe he needed to let them show this time. Maybe Tsukishima wanted to see them. Tsukishima, who never bothered to invest himself so deeply in someone else’s life, suddenly found himself immersed in the universe of Kuroo Tetsurou. It was a new and fascinating experience, but it was frightening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, thank you for your patience!  
> although i know my lazy ass doesn't deserve your wonderful comments, they still make me very happy!


	6. Tsukishima's New World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaku has entered Mom Mode, Salt King Tsukishima returns, and I may have or may not have made my snake son a bigger part of the story than he was initially supposed to be (oops)

He couldn’t possibly tell Tsukishima the truth, could he?

Although he was pretty sure Kei wasn’t one of those close-minded assholes, who knows? He probably had the same conservative upbringing as all the guys here, strict parents who pushed him to get perfect grades and a traditional career path in his mind.

That left a sour taste in Kuroo’s mouth. It was just so easy to forget that Tsukishima was not the same as him. Tsukishima was not only rich, he looked like royalty. He carried himself so gracefully, like his whole childhood passed in charity galas and high-society clubs (which was probably true). 

Kuroo was from a whole other universe. Although his parents were quite well off, they insisted on raising him humbly. He always went to public schools and wasn’t even aware of how famous his parents were. They wanted him to have a normal, carefree childhood, and Kuroo was thankful for that, but because of that he now felt like an outsider at this prestigious school full of stuck-up snobs. 

With a fond smile on his face, he remembered his family; he hasn’t seen them ever since he arrived at this prison-like boarding school. His mom was a beautiful Korean actress who married his dad, one of the most prominent jazz singers in Japan.

He remembered the disgustingly sweet story of how they met that his sappy old man told him over a thousand times, and his mother rolling her eyes every time he did, but still struggling to hide a smile. Kuroo’s perfectly innocent childhood set some unrealistic expectations for him. Is it really possible for him to find what his parents had?

There was only one person Kuroo could turn to in this moment – Yaku. For some reason, he felt like Yaku could understand. He still wasn’t ready to tell him the whole truth, but Yaku was so compassionate and sharp, he’ll probably reach his own conclusions. 

Anyhow, he had to talk to someone, and in this moment, it couldn’t be anyone but Yaku. He needed advice on how to approach the whole Daishou situation, since it seemed it wasn’t going to be something he could just push under the rug. No, Daishou wasn’t going to let him off that easily, he was an immature asshole who found pleasure in torturing him in any way possible, so this wasn’t going to be an easy task, but he had to do it for the sake of his friendship with Tsukki.

He opened the door to his room just to find Yaku sitting in front of his desk, sketching something with his headphones on. It wasn’t an unusual occurrence, but Kuroo decided not to interrupt his creative process. Yaku looked so focused and his music was probably on max volume, so he most likely didn’t even hear Kuroo coming in. 

This scene was already starting to grow on Kuroo. He found it fascinating how Yaku could completely forget about the world for hours on end when he was preoccupied with his art. It all looked so surreal to Kuroo because he could almost see the images floating through Yaku’s head when he was staring at his work, the grimaces he made when he noticed a mistake were priceless, and his careful measuring was sort of calming.

He peeked over the disconnected Yaku’s shoulder and found out that he had some sort of a sports magazine in front of him. The large, glossy photograph captured a tall man mid-jump with both of his hands raised up, making him look like an indestructible iron wall. It was a truly powerful photo, the high resolution made it easy to trace the line of every muscle on his body, and the sharp edges of his face made an even bigger impact.

„Since when are you interested in volleyball, huh?“ Kuroo asked Yaku, making him jump up like a frightened cat. Yaku’s high-pitched scream scared Kuroo so much he let out a screech himself, making both boys look like idiots. The whole scene was so absurdly funny and pointless, Kuroo almost wanted to laugh, but Yaku still seemed angry.

„Where the hell did you come from?!“ Yaku yelled, „Kuroo, I swear to god, if you ever do anything like that to me again, I will personally make sure they kick you out of this school!“. Although he sounded very serious, Yaku just reminded Kuroo of an enraged little chihuahua.

„Woah, okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!“ Kuroo tried to apologize before Yaku physically attacked him „I promise I won’t creep on you like that ever again“. He took a deep bow while Yaku tried to calm himself down.

„It was just anatomy practice, anyway“ Yaku said with a faint blush on his cheeks. Kuroo let out a big sigh of relief when he realized Yaku wasn’t set on killing him with his bare hands anymore. 

„So, what do you want?“ Yaku asked with his arms crossed on his chest. He was still pouting and blushing, so he refused to look Kuroo in the eyes. Kuroo still found it all very funny, but had to keep himself from laughing, just in case Yaku enters his rage mode again.

„Huh, what do you mean?“ Kuroo tried to act confused, but he knew Yaku could see right through him. Sometimes it really felt like Yaku was his parent – he was able to read Kuroo so brilliantly, it was almost scary how his intuition was never wrong. 

„Oh, come on, I know that look. You either need a favour or forgiveness. Spit it out“ Yaku sounded so assured in his assessment of Kuroo’s character, Kuroo thought he had some real psychologist potential.

„Okay, okay, you got me“ Kuroo sighed „But really, I don’t need a favour nor forgiveness, I just... I don’t know, wanted to talk to someone, I guess?“ Yaku put his mechanical pencil down, all of a sudden becoming interested in this new side of Kuroo that stood in front of him.

„I’ve just, how do I put it... I think I’ve hit a wall“ Kuroo continued. He dramatically threw himself onto the bed and put his toned arms over his head. While staring at the ceiling, he realised just how frantic and all over the place his thoughts were.

„See, I transferred to this school in hopes of getting a fresh start, cliche, I know, but I really had to get away from all the shit in my former school, you know?“ Kuroo resumed his story „It was seriously dragging me down, to the point where I was starting to get worried about my future. I can’t go into detail, but for now, let’s say I’ve gotten into a bad crowd and did some things I now regret because of those so-called friends“

„I think I understand up to this point. But what does that mean in the context of the present? Are you worried your grades are going to drop again?“ Yaku asked for an additional explanation since Kuroo looked like he was losing track of his thoughts.

„No, that’s not it. I just feel like I’m being haunted by my past. I thought it was all behind me, well hidden and forgotten, but it turns out running away from your problems isn’t all that easy“ Kuroo reflected. He really thought it was a closed chapter, but upon seeing Daishou and his crew again after a couple of months, confusion and anger filled him up yet again.

„You can choose not to let the past interfere with what you’ve built here, you know?“ Yaku said compassionately „Just keep your priorities in check and don’t let your thoughts control you. Focus is the key to everything in life, but it seems to be a big weakness of yours“ 

Kuroo turned his head to the side and although just slightly, the corners of his lips curled up again. It was such a relief to have someone as wise as Yaku in his life – he kept him from going insane. „Have you ever considered being a therapist?“ Kuroo asked.

„Nah, I love art too much to pursue anything else. Although with Lev on my case, I think I’m qualified for a kindergarden teacher as well“ Yaku replied. His voice sounded irritated, but his smile unmistakeably pointed to something else entirely. The moment he became aware of it, he quickly wiped the smile off his face and started getting worryingly red.

„Who’s Lev?“ Kuroo asked with a curious glint in his eyes. He felt like he was missing a key piece of information, but he couldn’t even begin to guess what it was. All he knew was Yaku was keeping a secret, that was now completely transparent, but he also felt like he owed Yaku to keep his nose out of his business.

„Oh, just that first-year kid I’m tutoring. I guess I never told you his name, huh?“ Yaku mumbled and returned to sketching that volleyball player he was working on before Kuroo came in. When he put on his headphones, Kuroo figured it would be best to leave the room.

***

Tsukishima couldn’t stop thinking about yesterday’s incident and that sketchy guy called Daishou. Being clueless always irritated Tsukishima. He tried to rationalize it over and over, but no results had come out of it. His brain was programmed to understand scientific formulas, not human emotions.

He was sitting on a picnic bench in the school’s backyard, where a lot of students came to study or hang out after classes, but today it was completely quiet. Not a soul except for him. This made it all the easier for Tsukishima to get lost in his thoughts, which started happening disturbingly often ever since he met Kuroo. But this time there was a mystery to be solved, and that mystery seemed to be approaching him in flesh.

Kei’s stomach turned upside down when a boy with an undercut and an illegally sharp jawline sat next to him. Just when he thought he was going to get some alone time at last, the worst possible scenario happened. 

„Hey blondie“ Daishou practically purred to his ear, which made Tsukishima so uncomfortable he instinctively twitched and moved farther away on the bench. It was that same irritating call he used the first time too. Looks like he wasn’t very creative with nicknames, but as much as this one was awful, Tsukishima was kind of glad he didn’t get another one. 

He decided to ignore Daishou’s existence altogether and just pray for him to go away. He turned back to his class notes and tried to pretend he was actually reading them. Deep down he knew Daishou would stay around to bug him for as long as he can, especially now that he got him alone, but there wasn’t really anything else he could do, at least not that he could think of at the moment. 

„Y’know, if you just told me your name, I wouldn’t have to call you ’Blondie’ all the time. Aren’t you getting a bit tired of playing hard to get?“ Daishou snickered. Tsukishima knew his voice couldn’t possibly sound so sinister, but he was also well-aware of the fact that this was all just a game to him. So he decided to play it. 

„Name’s Tsukishima“ he said with a smirk. Obviously silence wasn’t the right weapon to use against this guy, he had to put him up for a challenge. As much as Tsukishima liked to stay away from unnecessary conflict, he wasn’t one to turn down an occasional battle of the wits, and Daishou looked like a worthy opponent.

„Ohoho, so we’re getting somewhere here!“ Daishou looked genuinely surprised by Tsukishima’s answer, yet even more smug than before „Tsukishima, huh? It’s a pretty name for a pretty boy“.

„What. The. Actual. Fuck“ echoed through Tsukishima’s mind. He might’ve made a fatal mistake by taking Daishou on, but it was too late to back out now. The cards have been dealt, the dice is rolling and he sure as hell isn’t a quitter. 

„Now, now, Daishou-san, either you tell me what you actually want from me and we can stop playing around, or I leave immediately and never respond to your childish provocations again, how’s that sound?“ Tsukishima said with a sharp edge to his voice. He had to keep it clear and stern so Daishou doesn’t sense the doubt and borderline fear in him. 

„Oh, okay“ Daishou shrugged „..Tsukki“.

The way he pronounced that stupid nickname sent shivers down Tsukishima’s spine. It was so infuriating, so sleazy, so uncalled for, so... hot.

Another chorus of „what the hell are you thinking Kei“ went through his head as he tried to cool off before his face exploded in red blotches and destroyed this perfect facade he needed to play against a smart douchebag such as Daishou.

„So, there’s obviously a lot of tension between us, and I totally agree, we should stop fooling around already. That’s why I’ll tell you what I was trying to get at this whole time. But I’ll need you to give me a yes or no answer“ Daishou explained calmly as if he was trying to make some sort of a business deal. This was freaking Tsukishima out even more.

„I want to take you out. On a date.“

Red lights. Firetruck sirens. Dozens of alarms going off in Tsukishima’s head all at once, with a very bland „what the fuck“ in the background. 

This was wrong and confusing and alarming on all levels. A thought Tsukishima’s brain couldn’t even begin to process. The truth is, he had never been asked out on a date before. He went to private, all-boys boarding schools all his life, so he wasn’t really expecting to get a shoujo manga-esque confession in a pink envelope, but this. This was something else.

Daishou’s face didn’t show anything except for anticipation. He looked like he was actually expecting a serious response from Tsukishima. Like he honestly meant what he just said. It made the whole situation even more infuriating. 

Tsukishima exploded in laughter. A loud, unstoppable, real laughter. This was unplanned, and it was not a part of their twisted little game anymore. Daishou just took it to another level, so it was his turn to be confused now. Tsukishima finally felt like he had the upper-hand, and it was his opponent who unknowingly placed that advantage in his hands.

„Wow, you have a really good sense of humour, Daishou-san“ Tsukishima finally spoke after catching his breath from that weird fit. He was back in the game, this time even more determined to put Daishou back to his place. 

„I wasn’t joking, Tsukki!“ Daishou whined, suddenly changing his plan completely. He hadn’t anticipated this reaction from Tsukishima, it was supposed to be his final blow, but this time his people-reading skills have failed him. He had just realised that Tsukishima wasn’t someone who can be read that easily, he is different. 

„Thank you for the banter, Daishou-san, but this is taking it a bit too far, don’t you think? Did you really assume I was stupid enough to fall for that cheap trick? Since you chose not to be upfront with me and continue with your childish ways, I’ll have to leave this conversation. It was a nice laugh thought!“ Tsukishima said in a kind and polite manner. He absolutely owned the game. There was no way for Daishou to bounce back from this, no matter how smart he was. 

„Wait, Tsukki, you got it all wrong!“ Daishou tried to convince him, but it was already too late. Tsukishima was packing his notes back into his messenger bag and heading for the dorms. Just as he was about the leave the backyard, Daishou grabbed his wrist and pulled him around. Tsukishima wasn’t winning anymore.

Daishou looked at him with such a fierce flame in his eyes just seconds before slamming his lips against Tsukishima’s. If there is a worse way to have your first kiss, Tsukishima would like to see it. He turned to stone and his mind went blank as Daishou pulled away to look at him. It was a relatively short yet intense kiss, and it told him everything Daishou had to say.

„Do you believe me now?“ Daishou asked with the same determination as before, when he had asked him out on a date. With one simple kiss, he stripped Tsukishima of his title of the king of the game, and even worse, his pride. God help anyone who touched Tsukishima’s pride.

It was not the right time to run away like a flustered schoolgirl – that would mean accepting defeat, and Tsukishima could never, ever accept defeat. He had to keep playing, although he was barely able to speak, he had to show this nasty snake of a guy who’s in charge.

„You’re a pretty mediocre kisser, you know?“ he snickered. A blatant lie. Putting aside the fact that Tsukishima had nothing to compare it to, the kiss was objectively mind-blowing. Daishou was obviously experienced, and even though Tsukishima still knew his only intention was to get a kick out of him, it was just too... real. 

„Ouch, Tsukki!“ Daishou giggled too, but there was venom in his giggling too. „You could always give me a chance to redeem myself“ his voice suddenly dropped low again, and that low voice made Tsukishima reconsider every single choice he had ever made.

„No thanks“ he simply shook his head and proceeded back to his room. He shut the glass door into Daishou’s face and made sure he walked in a laid-back manner so Daishou could see how unshaken he was by this whole incident.

That was the day Tsukishima Kei learned he had some serious acting talent, considered himself a winner and waited to lock the door of his room before he could let a swarm of erratic and illogical thoughts attack him.

He just had his first kiss. With a guy. Those were the only facts he was certain about, and everything else he couldn’t even begin to process. For some reason, he found it harder to believe that someone kissed him than to believe that someone was a boy. 

And then, something much more important hit him. It’s not just a random person. It’s someone his friend obviously has problems with, but he doesn’t even know why. He felt like he had betrayed Kuroo. This thought completely pushed aside all others and it wasn’t long before he couldn’t sit still in his room anymore. There was only one other place he could go.

***

As Tsukishima approached the forest, the figure of one of his worst fears became clearer. Kuroo was already standing there with a stupid cigarette in his mouth, but he was looking up at the sky and hadn’t noticed him yet. Tsukishima wasn’t ready to look him in the eye, even though he’d rather die than tell him about what happened, and there’s no other way Kuroo could find out. It was just his own conscience weighting down on him.

„You say those things calm you down, right?“ he asked directly, without even saying hello or even looking his way. Kuroo kept his head up as well, but he visibly flinched upon hearing Tsukishima’s voice. Their shoulders were only barely touching but they both felt uncomfortable. The tension had to be lifted somehow.

„Geez, Tsukki, you don’t have to sneak up behind me!“ Kuroo chuckled, but it sounded more like a nervous cough. Tsukishima kept his usual blank expression, but there was some inexplicable determination in his eyes. 

„Give me one“ he ordered rather than asking. No matter how fascinating he always thought Tsukishima was, this was definitely the most shocking thing he’s done. His sweet, young Tsukki, who hasn’t even had his first kiss yet, wants a cigarette? It almost made him angry.

„What?! No way, I’m never going to let you smoke!“ he yelled, only half-joking. Tsukishima gave him that over-exaggerated annoyed look, even throwing in a first-class eyeroll. Kuroo wanted to laugh at that, but he had to stay authoritative. 

„Well too bad, you’re not my mom, Kuroo. C’mon“ Tsukishima wasn’t playing around. He’d be lying if he said Kuroo’s helpless reaction didn’t amuse him, but it wasn’t the (only) reason he was so persistent. He didn’t really want a cigarette, he just wanted to start talking to Kuroo without feeling needlessly tense.

„Why would you need a cigarette, huh? Rough day at school, got 98% on the maths pop quiz?“ Kuroo teased him. It sometimes seemed like the only way to talk to Tsukishima. He enjoyed being challenged and Kuroo enjoyed challenging him. But it wasn’t just with Kuroo, it looked like Tsukishima viewed every human interaction as a game. And he always had to win, whatever the hell that meant.

„Why do you need them, asshole? Are you worried you’ll lose your street cred when they find out you’re in Advanced Algebra?“ Tsukishima hissed right back at him.

They both had to laugh at that one. Just like that, they were back to their usual back-and-forth and the air was getting easier to breathe. They both felt a weight fall of their chest when they realised it wasn’t all so serious after all. Kuroo didn’t know Tsukishima’s secret, and Tsukishima didn’t know his. So if it was good that way, why did they both feel the need to come clean? 

They knew the other one was keeping a secret, but this was now a beginning of a completely new game. A game with a lot more at stake, a game of who cracks first. The thing about that game was, it doesn’t really matter who spills their secret first – they both lose. There wasn’t anything to gain, and they could lose their entire friendship. That’s why it was a terrifying game.


	7. Yaku's Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is very LevYaku-centric and I have too many subplots but I'm kind of afraid of writing actual KuroTsuki because I don't think I can do THE OTP any justice. For now let's enjoy the slow, slow burn :)

Kuroo came back to an empty room again. Yaku had left a small note saying he’s tutoring that kid (Lev, was it?) again. At first, he did it only once a week, but as exam season was approaching, his parents paid double per hour for him to come three times every week. Kuroo knew Yaku needed money for his tuition, but he wondered how much money it had to be for him to lose his precious study and painting time over some first-year rich boy. 

Regardless, Kuroo only hesitated for a minute before taking the opportunity to take a look at his drawings. Yaku let him look at some of his paintings, but he never once showed him a sketch. Kuroo assumed it was because they’re not finished, and Yaku being the perfectionist he is wanted to show only the final product once his 100% content with it himself. However, Kuroo couldn’t suppress his curiosity. He really likes Yaku’s art style, especially how expressively he portrayed people’s eyes. 

For someone who didn’t like his sketches being shown, he didn’t do a very good job at hiding them. Although Yaku was generally organized, his desk was the only messy part of his half of the room. Papers were always scattered all over it, along with drawing materials and balls of crumpled drafts. On top Kuroo saw studies of tropical flowers from all possible angles, a reference sheet for drawing hands and a paper that was apparently used for swatching pencils and inkers.

He moved the first layer and pulled out the papers beneath those. There were more volleyball studies, stick figures in different positions, and Kuroo felt a nostalgic smile drag across his face when he realised he could still name every single position. His eyes were then automatically drawn to the only coloured piece, a smiling face of a silver-haired boy.  
His smile was wide and vibrant and his eyes were closed with tiny crinkles around them as if he was laughing. Right next to that was another paper with who Kuroo supposed was the same boy, only this time he had a focused yet clueless facial expression. This picture revealed his huge cat-like green eyes. It was the most intense shade of green Kuroo had ever seen, but the subtle lighting made them look softer and brighter.

There was only one paper Kuroo had not looked at yet. He turned it around and finally felt like he was doing something wrong. He shouldn’t have looked at Yaku’s drawings, he really shouldn’t have. He has no idea how to put them back together so that Yaku doesn’t notice he’d been meddling with them. But somehow he couldn’t bring himself to put this one down.

It was the same green-eyed boy, only this time his eyes were slightly hooded, he had a provocative smirk instead of a child-like smile and his white button-up was hanging loosely on his elbows. Right next to his right arm were three small letters: „Lev“

Pieces of a puzzle suddenly started coming together in Kuroo’s head. Yaku being secretive about his drawings but not his paintings, disappearing at random times, tutoring someone six hours a week, almost always coming dishevelled from said tutoring. Was it possible... there was someone else like him in this goddamn school?

It was already too late to realise he was still standing wide-eyed with a drawing in his hand when Yaku opened the door. For the first second, they were both just looking at each other with their mouths opened, but as soon as Yaku processed what has happened to him, it was obvious all hell was about to break loose. 

Not only did he rip the drawing out of Kuroo’s limp hands, he shredded it into confetti-small pieces. Kuroo almost wanted to cry because he made Yaku destroy such a beautiful piece that obviously meant a lot to him, but he knew he had to silently endure whatever Yaku was about to say. For a moment, Kuroo thought he saw tears in the corners of Yaku’s eyes too.

„There is a reason I don’t let you see my drawings!“ Yaku started shouting at a volume Kuroo didn’t think was possible for him „You can’t just invade someone’s privacy like that after they’ve repeatedly told you not to! It’s not just about manners, I’m aware you’ve never heard of those, it’s about me keeping something fucking private“. Yaku’s rage was completely justified and all Kuroo could do was stand in the corner with his head down like a puppy that had eaten furniture.

„Yaku, I’m really sorry, I know it was an extremely rude thing to do and I promise it will never happen again!“ Kuroo apologised loudly and bowed his head at a 90-degree angle. „Save that for someone who gives a shit, I never expected anything better from you anyway“ Yaku replied sharply and started tearing apart all the drawings on his desk, even the flowers.

„Please don’t do this!“ Kuroo shouted and physically restrained him from ruining anything else. Luckily he was significantly stronger, so the picture of Lev smiling remained untouched.While he was holding back Yaku’s arms, he noticed the smaller boy was shaking.

„Yaku, are you okay?! Yaku?!“ Kuroo grabbed his shoulders and turned him around to see his face. His head was hanging low and all he could see was tiny drops falling down on the carpet. He let go of Yaku and almost collapsed. „I really fucked up this time“.

Although it was a dangerous move and Yaku probably won’t want to speak to him ever again, Kuroo did the only thing that came to mind at that moment. He sat Yaku on his bed, sat down next to him and hugged him as tight as he could (without suffocating him). The shock made Yaku stop crying immediately.  
„What the fuck are you doing?!“ Yaku asked even angrier as he pushed him away.

„Sorry. It’s my first instinct whenever someone around me is crying. My mom always said: „If your friend is ever upset, the best thing you can do is stop talking and hug them. Everyone likes hugs“. I guess that’s why I hug people too much“ Kuroo said with a sad smile.

Although it was a dumb and childish attempt to get out of trouble, Yaku always had a soft spot for his roommate. And for some reason, he thought he could understand. He might’ve looked all rough around the edges, but he was radiating an unconditional kindness and it seemed as though his heart was incapable of hatred. So he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and chose to take the biggest risk he had ever taken.

„Lev and I are dating“

Kuroo had already reached that conclusion, but he didn’t expect Yaku to admit it so upfront. He didn’t know what the appropriate reaction would be, so he stayed silent for a few more seconds, letting Yaku continue the story.

„At the start of this year, I started looking for a new job since I’d finally quit my godawful retail part-time job. I put up some tutoring ads online and turns out some rich Russian dude has a son who just enrolled my school and who’s bad at... well, everything. So I started tutoring him and at first, it was really troublesome since he wasn’t really paying attention or even trying at all, but his father covered everything my scholarship didn’t and it took less time than retail“

„I can’t even remember when or how it happened, I just came to do my job one day as usual and something clicked in my head - I was fucked. I was so mad at myself for finding those goddamn green eyes staring blankly at me while I explain algebra... cute... It was slowly taking control of me and I said: „Fuck this, fuck the tuition, I can’t just be alone with him for an hour and think about algebra“. The day that was supposed to be our last class, he found out. And it was also because of my goddamn sketches“  
Yaku was a little frightened by how attentively and non-judgementally Kuroo was staring at him, so he made a small pause, swallowed his spit and decided he couldn’t just leave the story at that now that he’s come this far. Well, he was screwed from the beginning.

„I gave him a problem to solve and while he did it I sketched him. I know, it was stupid and dangerous but it was the least I could do to calm my nerves. So, of course, his attention goes out the window in five minutes and he takes my sketchbook out of my hands. I was already about to kill him and then myself, but then he started smiling in a way I’d never seen before. „IS THAT ME???“ he screamed like an excited puppy. I told him „Yeah, but it’s nothing, it’s just something I do when I’m bored, sketch people around me“. Then he went on and on about how amazing my drawing is and he said now he had to draw me. He drew an awful stick figure, think worse than your hair awful“ Yaku giggled and Kuroo pretended to be offended, but he was actually so relieved that the air has finally become a bit lighter.

„I laughed at his drawing although he looked really proud, so he got all serious and said: „I know how to make it better, I know what you’re missing!“ He took a few more seconds and drew another stick figure, only it was three times taller than me, and he made them hold hands. I was already about to die when he drew a tiny heart between them and said: „That’s me“. I’m serious, I could see my mom waiting for me in Heaven“

They both started laughing again, but Kuroo was really eager to hear the real ending of the story. This whole time they didn’t look each other in the eyes even once, their eyes were both fixated on the same spot on the carpet like they didn’t have the courage to face something.

„When he finished the drawing, he started blushing and crumpled it, saying something like „it was a joke, of course“ and apologizing like crazy. I was way past the point of being able to think rationally, so I just kissed him“

Kuroo almost screeched like a little girl, but he tried to stay calm in fear of Yaku trying to kill him again, so he only let a warm smile explode over his face. He was so happy. He finally found someone who could understand, someone he didn’t have to put a mask on for. But now is not the right time to talk about himself, this was Yaku’s moment to get those things off his chest.

„I’m sorry I went on about those embarrassing things, you probably find it weird and gross. I’ll completely understand if you request a change of rooms, just please, please don’t tell anyone else. I had no choice but to tell you once you’d already seen the drawings, I’m pretty sure you could’ve figured it out on your own but I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea“ Yaku suddenly became serious and ashamed, but Kuroo was still smiling from ear to ear.

„Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone and I wouldn’t trade this room for a two-story suite“ Kuroo promised enthusiastically and hugged Yaku again. This time it left him even more shocked. He thought it was even less likely to meet an understanding straight boy than it was to meet a gay boy here, but there he was, having found both. He almost wanted to cry again.

„You really don’t think I’m disgusting? You won’t tell me to burn in hell?“ Yaku checked again, just in case. „Well, you should burn in hell for saying you don’t give a shit about me when you obviously love me!“ Kuroo giggled and pulled him in again.

This time Yaku wiggled out of his muscular grip and said: „Hey, just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I love every boy!“, then he added a very quiet: „I just love Lev, that’s all“. Kuroo found then that you can, in fact, die of swooning.

„But I really am sorry for being so harsh, I didn’t really mean it, it was just a defence mechanism, I guess“ Yaku then uttered sincerely, and Kuroo apologised again for having gone through his personal stuff. 

„You could’ve told me sooner, y’know,“ said Kuroo „Did you really think I would judge you? Do I seem like that type of person?“

„No, it’s not you, but everyone here is that type of person. I can never be too cautious with that, unfortunately. That’s why you’re the first person beside Lev to know“ Yaku answered.

„Really?!“ Kuroo was now even happier and more honoured that Yaku had placed so much trust in him. He felt they were closer than ever. Not only did they have a mutual understanding, they had a secret to share. Kuroo was kind of excited to tell him his secret so they could keep each other’s back.

„Yeah, I don’t think there’s anyone else here who could understand. Lev hasn’t even told anyone but me. His parents are even worse than my dad, so that’s definitely not an option, and I told him not to tell his friends from the volleyball club either because they might kick him out of the team. God, I kind of feel better now that I’ve told you“ Yaku admitted.

„Wait, your dad’s against that?“ Kuroo furrowed his brows. 

„Uh-huh, he’s the one who insisted on me going to a „prestigious“ school and staying out of female company because I’d already taken on the „girly“ hobby of painting. Worst of all, he blames my mom for raising me to be too „feminine“. I know she would’ve been happy for me“ Yaku told him while gritting his teeth. He obviously disliked his father. 

„I say fuck him“ Kuroo exclaimed „What’s important is that you’re happy, you have me and Lev supporting you, and your mom watching out for you. Do you really think you’re unsafe with a delinquent known for getting kicked out of school for fighting, a 7 feet tall Russian guy and a literal angel on your side?“

Yaku laughed at that for a bit and it warmed his heart, but then he had to rewind it. „Wait, you were expelled from your former school?“ 

Kuroo stayed silent for a moment. Shit. He wasn’t supposed to say this, not when it was Yaku’s moment, not ever. He already had a bad reputation just because of his appearance, he didn’t need rumors circulating about him. Although it would be nice to be feared by those pretentious shitheads, then they wouldn’t whisper nicknames like „Junkie“ when he passes the hallways.

„I know this is going to sound super fake, but it really wasn’t my fault“ Kuroo wasn’t defending himself, he was just going to tell the true story like Yaku did „One of my friends was getting bullied and he couldn’t really defend himself, so I stepped in and beat the crap out of his bullies. Of course, the teacher only saw that part and because they were injured and I wasn’t, they didn’t even bother to hear me out. That’s the whole story. What a delinquent“

Yaku had a fond smile on his face after hearing Kuroo’s secret. He always knew Kuroo had a heart of gold, that’s where he reminded him of Lev. He felt so grateful to have two people who accept him for who he really is, it took eighteen years but he finally found them.

„Thank you, Kuroo“ he broke their comfortable silence „I’ve never had a friend who was able to take me as I am“. This moment made Kuroo realise maybe not everything is as bad as it seemed. He had Yaku who he could trust completely, he had Bokuto and, by default, Akaashi, and he had Tsukki. One thousand Daishou Sugurus wouldn’t be able to ruin that. He flashed a smile full of hope and a peace sign at Yaku and they both started laughing at his stupid face.

***

„Hey, did you hear it?“ 

„Hear what?“

„That tall Russian kid’s dating a senior. At our school.“

Three boys immediately choked on their lunch, Kuroo included. Tsukki was sitting there with his headphones on, reading a book, blissfully unaware of what was happening.  
„You mean like, they’re gay?! There are faggots at our school?!“ one of the boys asked.

Kuroo’s blood started boiling at that word and his heart was about to burst out of his chest in panic, but he had to look uninterested in order to get more information.  
„Yeah, my younger brother goes to his class and apparently everyone in the first year already knows it. I don’t know who that senior is, though. It could be anyone, it could be one of us, in our class!“ he talked as if he was telling an entertaining horror story.

„Who do you think it could be? Man, what the fuck was he thinking, hooking up with a dumb first-year who just came from Europe. They probably think it’s normal where he’s from so he couldn’t keep his mouth shut about being with a senior. What a freak“ another boy snickered.

Kuroo was on the verge of hitting him, but he had to repeat his mantra: „One strike you’re out“. He couldn’t afford to get kicked out again. Not only would his parents probably give up on him once and for all, he couldn’t bear to lose the real friends he’s finally made. He couldn’t leave Yaku and Lev with these barbarians and he sure as hell couldn’t leave Tsukki with Daishou. Bokuto would be fine though, he has Akaashi.

He ran out of the classroom although lunch break was just about to end. The three boys talking about Lev followed him with eyes wide open but he couldn’t think about them now. He entered Yaku’s classroom and didn’t find him there, so he had to run all the way back to their dorm. There was nowhere else he could be, it would be too dangerous to be with Lev now.

He burst into the room without knocking and sure enough, Yaku was there. He was sitting on his bed with his head buried in his knees, but he didn’t seem to be shaking. Kuroo sat on the bed next to him and wrapped him up in a blanket. „Yaku, I swear it wasn’t me“

„I know already,“ Yaku said, but didn’t look up „It was stupid, his classmates took his phone and saw our texts. He has my first name and a heart emoji in his contacts, so thankfully no one knows my first name, but you know, it’s a boy’s name“.

„Should I go beat them up? No, I won’t even have to do that, as soon as a badass looking senpai appears those pathetic first-years will piss their pants and apologize“ Kuroo started getting angry and only partially tried to make Yaku laugh.

„I feel guilty because he’s the only one who got in trouble. I’m older, I should be able to protect him, I should own up to it and we should be in this together“ Yaku confessed, completely ignoring Kuroo’s remark. His eyes went wide in fear.

„Yaku, listen to me very carefully. First of all, breathe. Second of all, it’s not your fault, and it’s not his fault either. It’s their fault for being assholes. We’re going to get through this“ Kuroo said reassuringly and rubbed his shoulder. 

„But what should I do? He doesn’t reply to my texts and I can’t go to him now, we haven’t talked since that happened and I have no idea what’s he’s going through right now. He might be tall, but he’s just a big baby, I know he’s probably frightened right now and he’s completely alone“ Yaku started panicking. 

„Here’s the plan. Give me his room number, I’ll go talk to him. I’ll call you as soon as I get there and then you two can talk over my phone“ Kuroo stood up from the bed immediately.

„But then they’ll think you’re dating him and make your life living hell too!“ Yaku objected „Don’t do it Kuroo, this has nothing to do with you, it’s our fault for being careless. We have to deal with this alone“

Kuroo was getting angry. „As I said, it’s not your fault!“ he practically screamed at Yaku „And no, you don’t have to do anything alone from now. Trust me, I have experience with bullies, I’ll know how to put them back where they belong. Now tell me his room number“

Yaku hesitatingly said the number and Kuroo ran off immediately. Just as he exited the room, he got a text from Tsukki:

„Where the hell are you?! The class has started and you’re going to get in trouble if you miss any more classes“

He couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Tsukki worrying about him and noticing his absence. He quickly typed a reply while running through the hallway:

„Sorry Tsukki, meet me in the forest after you’re finished with your classes and I’ll explain everything?“ 

„There better be a damn good explanation“

Kuroo laughed while imagining Tsukishima’s disapproving look and passive-aggressive tone. He almost reached Lev’s room when he saw a group of boys, presumably first-years, standing outside of his door. 

„Hey, why aren’t you kids in class?“ Kuroo shouted at them.

„Oh, is that his senior boyfriend? Are you a faggot too, huh?“ one of the boys laughed.

Kuroo grabbed him by the collar before he could say another word and his friends all took a step back. He could see the fear in their eyes and he had to remind himself he shouldn’t go further than that on a physical level, so he dropped him down and the boy’s smaller body stumbled a little bit.

„My name is Kuroo Tetsurou. I’m the last person you’re going to see if you continue bothering this boy or call anyone that word ever again, understand?“ he said in his lowest voice, practically growling into his face.

„I’m sure you guys are jealous. I mean you’re three feet shorter than him, probably couldn’t make it to the volleyball team, correct? And you’re all fucking ugly, you couldn’t get a girl even if no one else was alive, so you’re also jealous of him for having a love life like you’ll never have. Oh and maybe, you too are „faggots“? Are you sad he’s taken, or do you want to hook up with a senior too? Whatever the fuck your problem is, solve it yourself. Don’t come near him or I’ll solve all your problems in one go, how’s that sound?“

The boys whispered „freak“ but ran as fast as their legs would carry them. Kuroo couldn’t lie, he was a bit proud of how he handled that. He didn’t lay a hand on them and yet managed to make them run away like petrified little insects. But he had something more important to do than praise himself.

He knocked on the door three times. „Lev? Lev, I’m Yaku’s roommate, friend, I know about the entire situation, please let me in, I have a message from Yaku“

Someone slowly opened the door. Kuroo was immediately stunned by his height, but when he saw the eyes of a scared kitty, he finally remembered he was dealing with a first-year. „You’re Mori’s friend?“ he asked quietly. Wow, nickname-base already.

„Yeah, I’m Kuroo. Nice to finally meet you, I’m only sorry it had to be like this“ Kuroo introduced himself and entered the room. Lev closed and locked the door before following Kuroo into his giant single-room. 

„How’s Mo – I mean, Yaku?“ the tall boy immediately asked. His eyes were red and puffy like he had just stopped crying, and his forehead was all crumbled with worry.  
„He’s okay, it looks like no one knows it’s him yet. He’s actually really worried about you. All he said was that he feels guilty for not being brave enough to stand by you and he wishes they would put some of the blame on him too“ Kuroo conveyed.

Lev looked even more frantic now like he was about to cry again. They were both in that ridiculous circle of guilt and worry for the other one and couldn’t even think about themselves. For a moment Kuroo found himself thinking about how he’d like to have a love like that someday, although he’s already come to terms with the fact that’s not happening.

„There’s no way my parents could find out, right? I can’t be expelled, can I? Are they ever going to forget about this?“ Lev started asking him all these questions, just looking for someone to tell him it’s all going to be okay. Kuroo knew it had to be Yaku.

„Don’t worry, something tells me they’ve already forgotten“ Kuroo said with a wink, skillfully avoiding the first two questions. Lev’s eyes were still full of questions but he chose to trust a senior brave enough to risk being called „gay“ to protect his friend and a guy he doesn’t even know. He just nodded his head and glued his eyes back to the floor.

„Do you want my phone to talk to Yaku? I’ll be in the bathroom, I promise I won’t listen“ Kuroo offered and Lev hesitantly accepted. He did want to check in with Yaku, but he wasn’t really sure how to act from now on. The thought of breaking up terrified him, but the option of dragging Yaku in danger with him was even worse. He swallowed and dialled the number.

Kuroo locked himself in the bathroom like he promised and he really wasn’t able to hear a world. This had to be the most extravagant dorm in the entire school. Not only was it not shared and enormous, it was sound-proof and the mirror in the bathroom looked more expensive than his entire room. He washed his face to get a grip and looked at himself in the royal mirror. „Man, I can’t wait to have a smoke“

His wrist watch said classes were almost coming to an end, so Tsukishima will be waiting for him in the forest in about twenty minutes. He didn’t want to rush Lev and Yaku at this time, but he really needed that cigarette. It was a year-worth of stress packed into a month.

***

„So, care to explain why you ditched the last three classes?“ Tsukishima asked him while leaning on a tree. Kuroo was just really happy to finally light his cigarette.

„What I’m going to tell you now stays between us and us only. I’m telling you this because I trust you, okay?“ Kuroo warned him in a very serious tone.

„What, you’re actually a Russian spy and you had an emergency secret operation? A high school student is only your disguise and you’re thirty years old? You look like it, but it’s not a very subtle disguise“ Tsukishima was back with his snarky comments.

„You’re actually really close“ Kuroo laughed „I don’t expect you to know this since you never listen to anyone around you, but this morning they found out some first-year is dating a third-year. They both go to our school“.

Kuroo didn’t know what kind of reaction he was expecting from Tsukishima, but it certainly wasn’t this. He looked like he was trying really hard to remain calm, but something inside of him was twitching. Kuroo hoped it wasn’t his prejudice. 

„The third-year is Yaku, my roommate“ Kuroo continued „He was really worried and terrified when he heard the rumours so he locked himself in our room and so did his boyfriend. I had to go to his room, throw shade on some first-years and talk some sense into both of them. I’d say I’m their guardian angel but we’ve already agreed that’s Yaku’s mom’s job, I’m just a delinquent that punches the air out of anyone who talks shit about them“

Although Kuroo was obviously done, Tsukishima still wasn’t saying anything. He was looking at the ground in front of his feet and Kuroo took it as a bad sign. This it the part where he stops talking to him. This is the part where he runs away, appaled by him.

„You’re really cool, Kuroo-san,“ he said with the brightest smile Kuroo had ever seen. 

„I can’t even remember when or how it happened, I just came to do my job one day as usual and something clicked in my head - I was fucked“ Yaku’s words echoed in his head. This is the part where he realises that he, too, is fucked.

„Nah, every decent human being would do that“ he stuttered when he finally remembered how to talk. It didn’t help that he was also rubbing the back of his neck and smoking faster than usual. He tried to pretend he didn’t notice his face heating up too.

„No, don’t sell yourself short. Most people, myself included, would be too afraid to step out like that and risk being bullied. You’re really cool, you know“ Tsukishima repeated. There was not a hint of sarcasm in his voice and Kuroo kind of wished there was.

„And I’m not going to say that ever again, so just take the compliment, moron“ Tsukishima quickly added and started getting just as red as Kuroo. Kuroo finally started laughing in relief. „There’s my Tsukki. I was already thinking about calling an exorcist“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *disappears for how many months and then writes 5K words between the fine times of midnight and 3 am* yEeT


	8. First Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone's still reading this, i hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it!

It took the school two weeks to stop talking about Lev and Yaku, but it could’ve been worse. Neither the officials nor their parents found out about it, Lev wasn’t kicked out of the volleyball team although they found out (because they needed his height), and they both slowly started acting as if nothing has happened, in front of others at least. Yaku had to keep tutoring Lev, but things got awkward between them. Living in constant fear of being found out, they didn’t talk in public, and when Yaku came over it really was just tutoring. It took a toll on both of them – it was almost as if they’ve broken up, but neither of them was able to actually do that. 

Kuroo came into the room one day to find Yaku punching his pillow. He stopped as soon as he noticed Kuroo on the doorframe and pushed the pillow away in shame. „Wanna talk about it?“ Kuroo offered.

Yaku shook his head as per usual, disappeared beneath his blanket and didn’t say a single word for the rest of the day, until they went to sleep. For the first two weeks, Kuroo didn’t want to bug him about it, he needed some time and space to think, but it was getting out of hand. He obviously wasn’t sleeping well, judging by the circles around his eyes that were getting darker every day, and Kuroo never saw him draw or paint either. All he did was hide under the blanket and look at the ceiling, he only ate the meals Kuroo put into his mouth, and he didn’t speak at all. Kuroo’s had enough of it.

„Look, man, we’ve got to talk about this. You two have to sort this out – you can’t go on living the rest of your life like this, and I’m sure he feels the same“. No response.  
„You can’t let bullies win. Don’t you dare give up on this just because of what other people think, and stop acting like you’ve broken up. You two are happy, right, you like each other a lot?“ Yaku just nodded his head once.

„That’s why you’ll do whatever it takes to be with him. Remember, it’s the four of us against the world. I know you won’t bear to lose Lev, and he needs you more than you think. So just do what’s best for the both of you, go there and talk it out“ Yaku got angry.

„That’s easy for you to say! You don’t know what it’s like for the whole school to call someone you care about all those nasty names, to talk about him like he’s some kind of airhead who’s only using me because I’m a third-year, you don’t know what it’s like to live in constant fear and walk the hallways of your own damn school like they’re a dark alley!“ Yaku finally started screaming.

Kuroo was glad he did, because obviously, he had things he needed to get out. He let him take it out on him, knowing he’ll apologize later, but not really needing an apology either. He stayed silent while Yaku was venting and he knew it was time to reveal his secret too.

„You’re right, I don’t know what it’s like. However, I do know what it’s like to be the one being called all those nasty names, so I know what it’s like for Lev. Only when it was happening to me, my boyfriend abandoned me and convinced everyone he had nothing to do with me. So don’t be a shithead like him, you’re the only one who can help Lev right now“ Kuroo said and only remembered to breathe once he was finished.

Yaku was left with his mouth wide open. 

„Kuroo, I’m sorry, I had no idea... Are you gay too?“ he asked quietly.

„This is not about me, we can talk about that some other time“ Kuroo shut it down immediately „What’s important now is that you go to Lev’s room, have a nice talk with him and start acting normal again“

Yaku nodded his head, quickly got out of bed (for the first time in weeks) and ran to the bathroom to brush his hair. Kuroo had a tiny satisfied smirk on his face as he saw Yaku picking out an outfit. Something told him everything was going to be okay.

When Yaku went out (after thanking him for the pep talk and apologising for yelling), he was on his own again. He didn’t like being alone at all, it was too loud and made him anxious, but it was too cold outside to go out for a cigarette. He fell on his bed facing the window and started thinking about the only thing he was able to think about these days – Tsukki.

He replayed that adorable smile in his head at least a thousand times, even when he didn’t intentionally want to do it, it would just flash in front of him and he couldn’t fight the warm feeling that would start spreading all over his body right after that. „You’re really cool, Kuroo-san“.

„He thinks I’m cool“ Kuroo would screech to himself and then let out a deep sigh. He had to keep that image up, but it was impossible when Tsukki was so damn adorable. He completely lost all his cool that day and he started blushing every single time he saw Tsukishima. „Pathetic“, as he would say. After they start talking he becomes normal again, even throwing in snarky remarks like they always do, but that first moment when their eyes meet always sets him on fire.

He wanted to talk to someone about it, and he knew the only option was Yaku, but he had enough of his own problems, so he waited for him to solve that and then he will tell him. He’s one of those people who can’t keep their own damn secret, so he knew if he doesn’t share it with someone soon, it will soon come out at the most inappropriate moment. 

Why didn’t he leave his „falling for straight boys“ phase in sixth grade? There was no chance, absolutely no chance in hell Tsukishima would be attracted to him. He’s not stuck up like the rest of the boys here (although he looks that way at first), but he’s definitely smarter and a lot more mature than Kuroo. Even if he were into boys, it would probably be someone like Yaku or Akaashi, because he hates loud and obnoxious people. All that frustration made Kuroo forget all about the weather and go out to smoke. 

***

Tsukishima was already standing in the forest (although he didn’t invite him), but he wasn’t alone. 

„If you don’t stop bothering me I will seriously report you to the principal and you won’t be able to enter this school ever again“ Kuroo heard Tsukishima’s stern voice. He was hiding behind a tree and listening to the conversation, still unaware of who the second person is. 

 

„But Tsukki, you came here to get your algebra notes, right?“ 

Oh fuck no. Kuroo knew that voice very well and it took every atom of strength he had in his body not to jump on him right then and there. 

„Yes, the notes you stole from my bag while I was in the cafeteria. I have to study for that test tomorrow so just give them back. I came to the forest like you asked, that’s all you wanted“ Tsukishima sounded more irritated than Kuroo had ever heard, and he was pretty good at irritating him.

„Well, I changed my requirements. If you want it back, you’ll have to go on a date with me“ Daishou said with a smirk. Kuroo couldn’t see it, but he was pretty sure Tsukishima was rolling his eyes. 

„How many times have I rejected you already? I’m going to say this one last time: I wouldn’t go out with you even if I needed a kidney transplant and you were the only possible donor. Do I need to spell that out word for word?“

Kuroo almost laughed at Tsukishima’s sassy rejection, but he remembered he had to stay quiet. 

„You like Kuroo, don’t you?“ Daishou suddenly changed the topic. Both Kuroo and Tsukishima almost choked on their spit.

„What are you getting at now, Daishou? What’s your tactic this time, are you going to use Kuroo-san to blackmail me some more?“ Tsukishima calmly answered the question with another question, but he knew he wasn’t going to win this time.

„Well yes, I could very easily ruin your little friendship with Tetsurou, and I have a variety of ways to choose from, but that’s not what I want to do at all. All I want to do is go out with you, Tsukki. So I’m just trying to find out why you don’t want me too, that’s all. It’s never happened before, you know“ Daishou enjoyed flaunting his power. 

„Okay, I’ll tell you, but it’s a long list so you might want to take notes so you don’t forget“ Tsukishima fought back with his usual edge and Kuroo was now full-on rooting „First of all, you’re a fucking stalker, you try way too hard, you blackmail me all the time, you look like an awfully fishy and malicious person, you’re annoying and arrogant. If you still can’t believe there is someone who doesn’t like you, here’s the final reason – I’m not gay“

Kuroo couldn’t be happy about Tsukishima defeating Daishou after that last sentence. It made his stomach sink and he had to remind himself he already knew. It was better to know it for a fact than to get his hopes up with absolutely no evidence to back it up.

„Okay, okay, I got it. Here’s your notebook. I’m going to leave you alone now, once and for all, I promise. You won’t see me around this school anymore. But I’ll leave you one thing to think about. You’re smart, you’ll figure it out. How do you think Kuroo would react if he somehow found out I stole your first kiss?“

He snapped. Without even blinking an eye, Kuroo ran out of his hiding place and slammed Daishou against the nearest tree. Once he realised how bad he’s fucked up, it was already too late to go back.

„Oooh, this turned out way better than I planned!“ Daishou laughed while Kuroo’s hand was still around his throat. Tsukishima was just completely unable to process the situation he found himself in. This is more than has happened in his life in the past 16 years, and why is everything happening all at once? Why aren’t emotions as easy to understand as the things they taught him in school? He isn’t equipped for this.

„I guess now we know exactly how, you won’t even have to think, Tsukki“ Daishou’s smile was more evil than ever before. Kuroo still wasn’t letting him go, but he couldn’t move his clenched jaw to talk either. 

„Haven’t you fucked me up enough already, Daishou? Was that not enough for you? Do you really have to come into my new life and ruin this one as well? Is torturing me the only thing you enjoy doing?“ he bombarded him with questions, but they weren’t rhetorical „What’s next? You’re going to convince all my friends I like them, you’ll start pestering Yaku, and then Bokuto too? Is that all you’ve got?“

It was already hard for Daishou to breathe, so instead of answering or smirking he started wiggling like a worm. Kuroo let him go but continued to stare at him with bloodthirst in his eyes, waiting for his answers. Daishou just ran off as fast as he could.

Kuroo collapsed onto the ground and finally lit his cigarette. He didn’t even bother to look in Tsukishima’s direction or talk to him, but the blond boy didn’t go back to his room either. He sat next to him while he smoked his cigarette like they always do.

„I know you don’t like me“ Tsukishima broke the silence after what felt like an infinity „I knew from the start everything that guy says is a bluff. I don’t know what his motive is with me, but he’s only using you as another way to blackmail me. He’s really pathetic“

Kuroo didn’t say anything for a long time, which made Tsukishima even more anxious than he was before. He was just focused on his cigarette, taking nice deep drags and following the smoke he exhaled until it vanished. The truth is, he didn’t know what to say.

„Daishou and I dated once“

He surprised himself as much as he did Tsukishima when he said those words out loud. He couldn’t believe he was about to come clean to Tsukishima, even before he’s had the chance to tell Yaku. He didn’t even know how Tsukishima was going to react, but he was at a point of no return.

„Once people in our school found out, he said I forced him into sleeping with me, blackmailed him into dating me and practically had control over his entire life. He just didn’t want people to know he was gay, so he had to protect himself even if it meant turning his back on me. I was left to face all those ugly names on my own, but they added „rapist“ and „psychopath“ too“ Kuroo told his story, or at least a part of it. 

„Is that why you had to leave your old school?“ was Tsukishima’s only question.

„Nah, that’s a whole different story for some other time. I actually got expelled“ Kuroo said with a giggle, and Tsukishima started smiling too.  
„You know I’m okay with that, right?“ Tsukishima continued after a short and pleasant break „I mean, you and Yaku being gay. It doesn’t make me want to stop being your friend“  
„Thanks, Tsukki“ Kuroo offered a sad smile. 

„So let’s just forget about this whole Daishou situation and continue living like we did before, okay? He can’t ruin your new life, he can’t take away your friends because this time we’re the real ones. We’re not turning our backs on you“

Kuroo almost wanted to cry. It’s something he would expect to hear from Yaku or Akaashi, but it was so out of character for Tsukishima. This was the second time that month that he was nice to him, he was anticipating a sarcastic ending. Could it be that Tsukki has developed a soft spot for him? He had to remind himself once again – he’s not gay.

But he pulled him into a tight hug nevertheless. He felt Tsukishima’s body stiffen momentarily and being chest to chest, he could feel his heart jumping too. But neither of them pushed away. Tsukishima was probably just too frozen to do so, and Kuroo was too happy to be this close to Tsukishima, even if it was a really awkward and unreturned hug.  
Kuroo chose to let go after all, realising that he might’ve overstepped Tsukishima’s boundaries. „Sorry, I’m too used to hugging people whenever I’m happy. What I was trying to say is, thank you. Thank you for being there for me“ Kuroo managed to untangle his tongue and explain his feelings. 

„We should probably get back to our rooms,“ Tsukishima said with absolutely no expression in either his voice or on his face. Shit, he screwed up a perfectly normal conclusion of the conversation with his stupid hug. He chose not to ask questions and walk quietly behind Tsukki. He just hoped Yaku had returned and he wouldn’t be left alone with his mind again.

***

Tsukishima fell in love for the first time in his life. 

He was always left alone with his mind, so as soon as he said a polite goodbye to Kuroo and locked the door, an entirely different wave has come over him. This time it wasn’t just simple thoughts. It was feelings. Feelings he had never experienced before, terrifying and confusing and unwanted feelings, but he knew they were love. 

It couldn’t have been anything but love. He hadn’t even watched that many movies so he wasn’t sure what love was supposed to feel like, but he always thought of it as the scariest emotion of all, and he was already starting to believe he will never have to feel it. But he felt it the second Kuroo wrapped his arms around him. He knew it when he thought „I want to stay here forever“, even though his entire body was stiff and the position itself was uncomfortable. He knew it when he felt Kuroo’s heartbeat against his own chest and smelled his cologne mixed with cigarette smoke. 

How does he cancel this feeling? If there’s something he shouldn’t be doing in his final year of high school, it’s falling in love. He has to study, he has to study, he has to study. That’s what he kept repeating to himself all these years, and it’s what he’s going to repeat now, hoping it’s some kind of magic spell to get rid of love.

When he looked back, he was in love all along. It’s been a while since he started paying special attention to Kuroo’s lips wrapping around a cigarette, a while since he started worrying when Kuroo skipped class or forgot his homework. He had a logical explanation for everything he did and felt, but he didn’t even try to explain what went through him during that hug. For the first time in his life, Tsukishima Kei gave up on solving an equation. He was in love with Kuroo Tetsurou and he let that fact do what it wanted with him.

***

Kuroo saw the best thing he could’ve possibly seen in his dorm – Yaku, sitting in front of his desk and drawing. He wanted to hug Yaku, but he remembered he’s had enough non-consensual hugs for today. Yaku was smiling when he saw him, so he figured he didn’t even have to ask how it went. 

„Where have you been?“ asked Yaku.

„Just smoking in the forest“

„Seriously, when are you going to quit smoking? You’re wasting your money to smell like a dead rat“ Yaku complained again. He hated Kuroo’s cigarettes even more than Tsukki.  
„Are you, uh, busy right now?“ Kuroo asked shyly „I kind of want to talk to someone about something“

„Sure, what’s up?“ Yaku put his pencil down and immediately turned in his chair to look at Kuroo. Thank god the real Yaku is back, Kuroo thought to himself.

He told him the story whole story about Daishou, starting from their break-up to him harassing Tsukki and their talk in the forest that day. He admitted that yes, he was gay. Yaku was listening carefully with his chin in his hands like he was concluding something from Kuroo’s face and not his words.

„So what you’re trying to tell me is you like Tsukisima?“ Yaku asked in the end. Kuroo was once again fascinated by his ability to see straight through him and get right to the point. He hung his head low so Yaku wouldn’t see him blush and gave a small nod. A victorious smile spread across Yaku’s face.

„I knew it, I knew it all along!“ he triumphed. He was practically dancing around the room while Kuroo was still hiding his face in shame. Why did he even have to admit to liking a straight boy when everyone knows they’ll never happen? All he did was make a fool out of himself in front of his friend. Yaku might even pity him.

„But how did you know?!“

„It was so obvious by the way you talk about him. I’m sure if I ever saw you together I would’ve seen it in the way you look at him too. Those are the most important indicators“ Yaku was still gloating. He seemed to really like the idea of Kuroo and Tsukki.

„Well just so you know, I saw the way you speak about Lev too! You always have that tiny smile on your face when you mentioned „that annoying first-year you’re tutoring““ Kuroo returned the favour by turning Yaku into the subject of teasing. However, it wasn’t as fun because they were officially together and Yaku didn’t try to hide it anymore.  
„So what are you going to do about it?“ asked Yaku.

„I can’t really do anything, he’s straight“ Kuroo shrugged in defeat. 

Yaku looked really shocked when he heard that, like he was asking „Are you sure?“, so Kuroo just nodded his head a few more times. Now they both looked defeated, but Yaku still looked like he was thinking. 

„I think you should still tell him“ he admitted after some thinking. 

„Are you insane? I don’t want to lose him as a friend“ Kuroo discarded it immediately.

„Listen, you really can’t know. There are many reasons he would say he’s straight even if he’s not, so you have to ask him directly. I think it’s worth a shot“ Yaku explained.  
„I don’t know, I’ll think about it. I mean, there’s no rush. I think I’ll just enjoy being his friend a little longer and then if he sends me some signals I might try to flirt just to see how he reacts“ Kuroo strategized out loud.

„Have you ever seen yourself and Tsukishima?!“ Yaku started laughing and Kuroo just gave him a puzzled look „From what you’ve said, he would never give you a „signal“, and you, you’re flirting all the time with everyone!“

Kuroo looked genuinely shocked by this fact. „What, I do not!“ 

„Yes you do! You don’t even notice it because it’s so natural to you, it’s just the way you talk“ Yaku started laughing even louder after seeing Kuroo dumbfounded „And when am I going to officially meet him?“ 

„Uh, I mean, he can swing by whenever, I’m sure he’d like to see more of your works“ Kuroo mumbled while swiftly moving his eyes from one point to another. He really wanted an excuse to invite Tsukki over again, and Yaku could be just the thing he was looking for. 

„Invite him over tomorrow then! I could bring Lev and maybe Bokuto and Akaashi will want to join us too! It will be the whole gang!“ Yaku was really enthusiastic about Tsukishima’s visit. Kuroo couldn’t stop his face from lighting up, not just because of Tsukki coming over, but „the whole gang“. He has his gang - his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *busts two whole ass chapters, 9k words in 6 hours* i'm so sorry i wasn't able to keep alive a fic i really love writing, but i'm going to keep at it until i finish it even if no one reads because it makes me happy!


	9. Thank You (for everything)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whole gang gets together and plays Truth or Dare. There's laughter, some drama and a lot of FEELINGS.

Kuroo could barely sit still in class that day, he couldn’t wait for all six of them to gather in Lev’s big room that afternoon. It would be his first time spending time with all his friends at once and he just knew it was going to be the most fun. All day he felt like a kid who stayed up late for the first time waiting to see Santa.

Kei was, to be honest, a little nervous. He didn’t like big groups of people and although he already knew most of them, he felt like he’ll be out of place there. His social battery is bound to die at some unexpected point, and when that happens they’ll all still be having fun and he would have to sit alone in the corner. He was on the verge of cancelling many times, but every time he saw Kuroo’s beaming smile, he knew he couldn’t do it to him. He was so excited and frankly, Tsukishima wanted to look at his smile some more, which he’ll definitely be able to do if he surrounds Kuroo with his friends.

The last bell rang and Kuroo immediately dragged his sleeve and started running through the hallway. „I’ll be outside your room at 3 pm sharp. Please wear something that isn’t a school uniform, you have other clothes, right?“ Kuroo instructed.

„Okay, okay, I’ll see what I can find. And maybe you should try doing something about your hair“ Tsukishima had to return the stingy comment. He didn’t really know why, but Kuroo always insisted on coming with him all the way to his door although their dorms were on opposite sides of the hallway. He shut the said door in his face and hurried to take a quick shower.

He had no idea what he was supposed to wear to a casual hangout with friends, it’s not like it’s ever happened to him before. All he had in his closet were button-ups and trousers, which all resembled the school uniform too much. Somewhere near the bottom of the shelf, he found the single pair of blue jeans he owned. They hung loosely on his skinny legs but only barely reached his ankles, so he had to cuff them to make it look like it’s supposed to be that way. On top, he threw on a simple white t-shirt he usually slept in during the summer. It was as casual as he could get.

Kuroo was standing at his door (at 3 pm sharp, just like he said) in a burgundy v-neck and a pair of black skinny jeans. Both of those items were way too tight for Tsukishima’s liking, especially on Kuroo’s muscular body. All he could do was pray to God he wasn’t blushing.

Kuroo, on the other hand, couldn’t even try to hide his shock. His jaw dropped as he was scanning Tsukishima from head to toe. His t-shirt was at least two sizes too big and showed a lot of his prominent collarbones, and his hair was still a bit damp from the shower. „What are you staring at, it’s just a white t-shirt“ Tsukishima sounded irritated.

  
„No, I just can’t believe Tsukki owns a pair of jeans. Just, wow“ Kuroo’s eyebrows were still raised and he couldn’t make himself look away from Tsukishima. It really was such a simple outfit, but he could finally see his arms and neck that wasn’t stuffed in a fully-closed collar. Tetsurou tried to imagine what Tsukki would look like without that t-shirt (or anything else, for that matter), but his brain automatically stopped him from making himself drool.

Tsukishima did a much better job of hiding his feelings. Seriously, he really could’ve bought a bigger t-shirt. It didn’t look uncomfortable or unnatural, but the way it was stretching around Kuroo’s broad shoulders and chest did things to Tsukishima. And he couldn’t even look at his thighs. Is all of this just thanks to volleyball?  
When they entered Lev’s room, everyone else was already there, sitting in a small circle on the floor and waiting for them. Inside of their circle were enormous bowls of snacks and around them genuine different bottles of soda. Just as Tsukishima predicted, Kuroo’s eyes lit up as soon as he saw all his friends.

  
„Lev here bought enough food and soda to supply the entire continent of Africa, so at least you won’t be hungry“ Yaku explained. Lev immediately protested, saying something like he was only trying to be a good host. Bokuto burst out laughing at their pointless little „fight“ and Akaashi had the same soft smile he always had when looking at Bokuto.  
The boys spread out to make space for Kuroo and Tsukishima to sit down next to them. Tsukishima naturally gravitated towards Akaashi and Kuroo followed him, so in the end, they were sitting next to each other again. Tsukishima could feel Kuroo’s cologne, this time with no traces of cigarette smoke. He noticed Kuroo started smoking less and less, which made him really happy. It meant he wasn’t under a lot of stress. Or maybe he just did chorus job in hiding it from Tsukishima.

They started talking about everyday stuff, laughing and teasing each other. Although Kei wasn’t actively participating in the conversation, he truly felt like that’s where he belonged. Those were the people he’s supposed to be around, positive, good-natured and easy-going guys who can accept him without asking anything about his family or the college he’s going to attend. People who wanted the real Tsukishima Kei around.

  
He felt so much warmth washing over him, especially from feeling Kuroo’s presence on his right the whole time. Kuroo adjusted his legs and now their knees were touching (Tsukishima damned his lanky legs), and although it was such a small part of their bodies barely brushing against each other, Tsukishima felt like that spot on his knee was going to start burning any time now. Kuroo’s proximity always made breathing a little harder, but he had to tell himself this is just ridiculous and stop focusing on it so much.

„Everything okay, Tsukki?“ Kuroo turned to him and asked quietly (dangerously close to his face) while everyone else was still talking. Tsukishima felt like he was actually suffocating now. Knees touching, hugging, falling on top of him while playing Twister - nothing was worse than feeling his breath on his skin. Without providing an explanation, Tsukishima stood up and went to the bathroom.

„Hmm, what’s happened?“ Bokuto asked immediately. Everyone went quiet for a minute when they saw Tsukishima rush out like that.

  
„It’s fine, he just had to go to the bathroom“ Kuroo reassured them with an innocent smile, but he was actually the most worried of all of them. He started panicking, what if Tsukishima stops hanging out with them, what if he stops talking to him altogether?

  
He shouldn’t have made Kei step so far out of his comfort zone when he knew how much he disliked social interaction. All he does is push him: push him to the edge of his patience, pushes him into uncomfortable situations, and he will ultimately push him away. Kuroo was tiring to be around, he knew that, and especially for someone like Tsukishima who loved his peace and quiet, Kuroo’s entire being was a pet peeve.

  
Meanwhile, Tsukishima was splashing cold water on his burning face again and again. No matter how many times he repeated it, the redness didn’t seem to fade from his cheeks. But he couldn’t stay inside for too long since he didn’t want them thinking they did something wrong. He took a few deep breaths and finally reached for the doorknob.

  
„Are you feeling better now, Tsukishima-san?“ Lev was the first one to check on him when he returned to the circle. Tsukishima tried to sit a little bit closer to Akaashi and further from Kuroo, far enough that they couldn’t touch.

  
„Yeah, I was just hot“ Tsukishima pretended to fan himself with his t-shirt.

  
„You’re always hot, Tsukki“ Kuroo teased him and unknowingly made the situation even worse. Great, just when he finally managed to get rid of the redness on his face.  
„Tsukishima-san’s right, it’s a little hot in here – there’s six of us, after all. Lev, can you open the window?“ Yaku requested, completely ignoring Kuroo’s stupid remark. Lev jumped up to his feet and did as he was asked. Fresh air got did wonders for Tsukishima, even though he was now trying not to shiver in his t-shirt.  
„Hey, why don’t we play truth or dare?“ Bokuto suggested. Tsukishima knew right away this was going to be a disaster, but his tactic was, and hope they don’t get too creative with the questions.

  
Everyone else seemed to agree, some (Kuroo) more enthusiastically than others (well, others), so Tsukishima wasn’t really in the position to object. This was also his chance to have some fun. He could think of something really funny and embarrass whoever asked him, should the question be „creative“.

  
„Okay, okay, I’ll go first!“ Bokuto yelled out for no reason „Lev – truth or dare?“

  
Lev wasn’t expecting on being called out since he had just met Bokuto, so he chose to go with the truth. What the hell could it be?

  
„Does your sister have a boyfriend? When is she coming to Japan? What kind of guys does she like?“ Bokuto’s eyes started twinkling as he bombarded Lev with questions. Kuroo and Yaku started laughing, Tsukishima was just plain confused, and Akaashi’s expression was impossible to decipher. Kuroo thought it was something like... jealousy?  
„That’s way too many truths, you have to pick one!“ Lev objected, but before Bokuto had a chance to change his question, he added: „I’m sorry Bokuto-san, you seem like a really good guy, but you don’t stand a chance against the Russian models he works with. Plus, I wouldn’t let anyone short of an heir to the Japanese throne date my sister!“  
„I’m sorry, but how does he know your sister if you two just met?“ Tsukishima finally gathered the courage to ask. Now Lev’s eyes were sparkling as well and his wide and proud smile said: „I’m glad you asked“

  
„My sister is a really famous model in Russia, Bokuto-san probably found her on Instagram or in a magazine. And that’s only her part-time job, she actually studies Russian literature in university, but one day someone scouted her on the street and since that feature, which was supposed to be a one-time thing, offers just didn’t stop coming. She only does it when she’s not busy studying though, because she found out it’s a lot of fun, but she’s actually really smart and modest!“ Lev couldn’t stop talking about his sister.  
It was obvious they shared a very close bond. „I recently told her about me and Yaku-san,“ („You don’t have to call me Yaku-san just because they’re here“, Yaku objected to the formality) „I was so afraid, but since she’s so well-travelled and tolerant, she actually took it really well. I feel so much better now, her opinion is most important to me“ Lev told them.

  
They were all really touched and happy for him, especially Yaku, who scooted a little bit closer to him and started cuddling into his shoulder. Kuroo wanted to die because of how cute they were together. Not only did he make Yaku happy, Lev was also such a pure and funny guy, he couldn’t have chosen a better person for his friend.  
„Okay, now’s my turn!“ Lev announced, finally getting back into the game. He took some time to think, since he didn’t know anyone that well, but then a brilliant idea flashed through his mind. „Kuroo-san – truth or dare?“

  
Kuroo was caught off guard by his sudden enthusiasm, but it couldn’t be that dangerous, right? Lev could only know as much as Yaku chose to tell him, and he had to have faith in his friend. „I’m not a coward like everyone else here. I choose dare!“

  
„I was hoping you’d say that!“ Lev beamed and Yaku started giggling with a hint of mischief, like he already knew what Lev was going to say „Sing a One Direction song!“  
Everyone burst out laughing, even the usually calm Tsukishima and Akaashi started laughing so hard that they could feel their abs burning, but Kuroo looked like his face was about to blow up, and on top of that his eyes went wide in terror.

  
„I, I don’t know any, One Direction songs! I don’t listen to that sort of music!“ he started stuttering a bunch of excuses, but no one was able to stop laughing yet. The sight of his embarrassment made it even funnier.

  
„Yaku told me you sing in the shower. Just yesterday he had to go to my room while you were showering because you were jamming too loud to One Direction, and you wouldn’t leave the bathroom until you finished your entire concert“ Lev finally sold Yaku out.

„So it was you after all!“ Kuroo pointed a finger, but Yaku didn’t look afraid at all.

  
„Seriously guys, it’s so bad I couldn’t bear to be in that room anymore. Even when I put my earbuds on the loudest setting, I could hear faint sounds of a cat in a washing machine, and it went on for hours“ Yaku completed the story and embarrassed Kuroo even further.

  
„And what if I don’t want to do a dare?“ he played his final trump card.

  
„Then you can’t ask anyone else and you get kicked out of the room!“ Yaku announced a new rule. Kuroo tried to make it seem like he just wanted to give someone else embarrassing dares, but he actually didn’t want them to have fun without him.

  
„Okay, I’ll do it, but I’ll get both of you back for this!“ Kuroo finally accepted his faith and cleared his throat dramatically. If he’s going to do this, he’s going to make them all regret the day they were born. They had no idea what was coming.

  
„Everyone, get ready, this might be the last thing you hear in your life“ Yaku warned them with his hands around his ears, as if that was going to save him. They were all smirking in anticipation of Kuroo’s biggest embarrassment yet.

  
„MAYBE IT’S THE WAY SHE WALKED“ he started screaming and Yaku was right, it really did sound like a cat being spun in a washing machine „STRAIGHT INTO MY HEART AND STOLE IT“

  
Once everyone’s eyes blew wide in horror and a couple people started shaking, Kuroo got really into it and saw how he could make it even more interesting (for him). He got up and did a full-blown performance.  
He grabbed Lev’s hairbrush from his desk and used it as a microphone, then showed some dance moves that were only slightly less horrifying than his singing. He started going up to them one by one and singing even closer to their faces. Everyone got to hear a part being screamed directly into their ears and it definitely left permanent damage.

  
„I said can I take you home with me“ he sung while looking directly into Tsukishima’s eyes (and from a very, very small distance) „He said ’Never in your wildest dreams’“  
He got back to the center of the circle again and danced to the chorus one last time before finally collapsing back into his spot on the floor. He started panting from all that shouting and it wouldn’t be surprising if he lost his voice after that. „Woosh, well that was fun!“ he announced after finally catching his breath. No one else knew what to say. They needed some time to recover from the trauma.

  
„Thank you for the most scarring experience of my life,“ Akaashi said quietly.

  
„I have to live with this every single day“ Yaku was the only one laughing, since he was already used to it and knew what to expect. He was happy everyone else got a taste of the torture he’s been silently enduring all this time.

  
„I’m so sorry“ Lev whispered, „Are you sure you don’t want to move to my room?“

  
„Bro, I love you, but if I ever hear something like that again I’m going to have to kill you. For everyone’s safety“ Bokuto looked at him with disappointment in his eyes.

  
Tsukishima stayed silent for other reasons. His skin was heating up again and this time the window was wide open. If Kuroo’s mortifying singing and the most awkward dancing he’s ever seen (including his own) weren’t enough to stop him from thinking about how hot he was, there really was no cure. And why did he only mess up the pronoun on that part? Is he trying to kill him on purpose, could it be that all this time he knew Kei liked him and just wanted to play with his feelings?

  
„My turn now!“ Kuroo said with a naughty smile „I said I was going to make both of you pay. So Lev, since you look traumatized enough by my singing, I’m asking my dear friend and roommate – truth or dare?“

  
„I’ll take truth, thanks“ Yaku swallowed, but Kuroo looked displeased.

  
„What, are you all really going to play it safe the entire time after I’ve put my life on the line like that? That’s no fun, the game is called Truth OR Dare, not Truth“ he scoffed.  
„I have the right to choose whatever I want, it’s not called Dare either!“ Yaku protested, but he knew Kuroo had a plan and wasn’t going to let him go until he got his way. That was even scarier than the potential dare – Kuroo always had a way of making people do what he wanted.

  
„Okay, you’re right. Truth – how tall are you?“ Kuroo asked with a mocking little smile. Lev had to hold Yaku back from physically attacking Kuroo. Everyone knew his height was his sore spot – you simply don’t ask a short person how tall they are.

  
„Fine, give me your stupid dare, I know that’s what you wanted all along!“ Yaku gave in, thinking nothing could be worse than revealing his height. He was tired of being made laughed at for being short, especially now that he had an abnormally tall boyfriend.  
„Ohohoho. I dare you to wear one of Lev’s sweaters“ Kuroo’s eyes and smirk looked even cheekier now, but Yaku didn’t look that phased by it. It was Lev who was bitting his lips.

  
„Oh no, I have to wear my boyfriend’s sweater. What in the world will I do?“ Yaku sighed sarcastically, completely unaware of Kuroo’s real goal. He went to Lev’s closet and picked a red hoodie that looked smaller than the others. He just threw it on on top of his t-shirt and turned around.

  
Lev was redder than the hoodie, which made him embarrassed too. Is that what Kuroo was playing at? No, he just noticed – the hoodie, even though it looked a bit small on Lev, almost reached his knees, and the sleeves were floppy. Tsukishima, Bokuto and Akaashi were too polite to laugh, but Kuroo was openly enjoying his sweet revenge. Two birds with one stone.

  
„Yeah, very funny and sophisticated Kuroo, making fun of me for my genetics. I wonder who you got that idiotic hair from too, or do you have to put in an effort to make it so horrible?“ Yaku hit back. He wasn’t going to let Kuroo win this battle.

  
„My dad actually has hair like this. That’s what caught my mom’s attention and she thinks it’s really cool, and my mom’s a beautiful actress so all you can do is be jealous that your hair is so boring and unattractive“ Kuroo answered proudly. He really was the king of fighting, second only to Tsukishima (sometimes).

  
„Yeah, I’m sure you’ll get beautiful actresses flocking around you too, with that amazing personality and your fantastic 2009-emo fashion sense“ Tsukishima stepped into it, holding Yaku’s side only because it gave him a chance to bicker with Kuroo and that’s what he loved doing most.

  
„You too, Tsukki?“ Kuroo put his hand on the left side of his chest and put on an expression of a deeply hurt and betrayed man „So what’s your advice on getting girls: tell them how annoying they are, be a nerd and never wear anything other than your school uniform?“

  
Why was he mad about this playful little fight? They did this all the time and Kuroo has roasted him harder than that, he got used to it. He would just return the blow and it never made him self-conscious. But were those the reasons Kuroo didn’t like him back? Does he actually see him as a stuck-up nerd who’s too boring and serious all the time?  
„I have no interest in anything as pointless and time-consuming as relationships. That’s why yes, I’ll tell annoying people they’re annoying and I’ll wear whatever I feel comfortable in“ was all he could say. It was obviously not all fun and games anymore. Kuroo’s smile disappeared instantly when he saw how hard Kei was trying not to come across as hurt. He fucked up (again).

  
He knew it would be pointless to try and apologise to Tsukishima, so he just hung his head down low to avoid his eyes. Seriously, what was he thinking, pointing out Tsukishima’s insecurities and telling him no one’s going to want to date him because of it? For fuck’s sake Tetsurou, YOU’RE the one who would die for a chance to date him, he thought to himself.

  
„Shall we continue with the game?“ Yaku’s question echoed through the tense atmosphere, but since he got small nods from Lev, Akaashi and Bokuto, he chose to ask anyway „Bokuto, truth or dare?“

Bokuto was really excited to be called out, so he immediately yelled: „Dare! Dare! Dare!“ Judging by Yaku’s smile, that’s just what he was hoping for.

  
„I dare you to send Lev’s sister a message on Instagram“ he snickered.

  
Bokuto tried opening his mouth multiple times, but no voice came out of it. He even started moving his eyes left and right like a scared animal before he finally said, in the highest voice possible: „I can’t do that! She’s too pretty!“

  
Everyone else found his nervousness hilarious, even Tsukishima cracked a smile and it made Kuroo’s heart ten times lighter. Thank god for Yaku. But once again, he didn’t fail to notice Akaashi’s smile was less sincere than the others’. Could he really be jealous?

  
„Then you have to let us take your picture and send it to Alisa-san from Lev’s phone“ Yaku announced yet another change of rules. Bokuto quickly tried to protest, saying that’s not what Kuroo had to do, but Yaku was quick to hit him with the „Kuroo did his dare“.

  
„Fine, take my picture! But tell her it was only a dare!“ Bokuto was still trying to make the situation a bit better, but before he could even smile, Lev’s flash already went off.  
„Wait, I wasn’t ready! Delete that and take another one!“ Bokuto tried desperately to grab Lev’s phone, but because of their height difference, he didn’t stand a chance.  
„Oh! She’s online and she already opened it!“ Lev announced happily.

  
„What did she say!?“ Bokuto sounded like he couldn’t breathe and he was still flapping his hands around, trying to take Lev’s phone.

  
„She asked who the cute blond one with glasses is“ Lev read in a serious tone.

  
Now it was Tsukishima (and by default, Kuroo) who was choking. Bokuto looked surprised (and hurt) too, but Yaku and Akaashi were giggling. Kuroo knew he wasn’t going to date Lev’s sister, especially because she doesn’t even live in Japan, but he still felt a ping of jealousy somewhere within him. Why couldn’t he stand other people even complimenting his Tsukki?

 

„I’m serious!“ Lev defended himself „But we talk in Russian, you couldn’t understand it“

  
„See Kuroo, unlike you, Tsukishima-san already has fans“ Yaku jumped in to get revenge for Tsukishima and for himself. Kei instinctively turned his head the other way so Kuroo could see he was still mad at him, but what he couldn’t see were his lips, pouting like a child. Akaashi found this especially endearing and funny, so judging by his giggle, Kuroo knew Tsukishima was making fun of him.

  
„Look, I didn’t really mean it like that, okay? Of course a lot of girls will want to date him, I know that! So stop bullying me and Tsukki, please don’t be mad at me“ Kuroo begged, but Tsukishima still wasn’t facing him and couldn’t see his puppy eyes. He didn’t say anything, but when they continued the game he turned around to see everyone else, so Kuroo had to take it as a good sign.

  
„I get to ask questions now! Akaashi, I know you’ll pick truth, so pick truth!“ Bokuto was practically jumping up and down, obviously having a very important question for Akaashi. Kuroo wondered what it could be, they’ve been roommates and best friends for two years, so he assumed they knew everything about each other already. But then again, Akaashi (like Tsukishima) wasn’t really the person you could know everything about.

  
„But what if I want a dare?“ Akaashi provoked him.

  
„Well I can’t think of a dare, so please pick truth!“ Bokuto was really honest.

  
Kuroo and Tsukishima were the only ones laughing quietly at this exchange, but as soon as Tsukishima noticed Kuroo laughing he stopped and turned his head away again, and it made Kuroo go back to sulking on the other side. Was he really going to be mad at him for the rest of the day? The rest of his life? He looked like he could hold a grudge.  
„Alright, truth“ Akaashi finally caved in and Bokuto looked pleased.

  
„So, if hypothetically you were gay, I know you aren’t but just imagine, if you were, which one of us would you date?“ he asked with a lot of disclaimers, as if Akaashi wasn’t the one who taught him the word „hypothetically“.

  
„Oooh, that’s a good question!“ Yaku chimed in „We should all answer this one! But Akaashi first, of course“

  
„You gave me a lot of good candidates, but I know who I would choose. See, Lev’s tall and has green eyes and a cool sister I who could help me dress nicer. Yaku-san is really mature and a great painter and his height is kind of cute, so that’s also an option“ (Yaku wanted to object, but they were all caught off guard with this elaborate explanation) „Kuroo-san can sometimes be funny and he’s got muscles and all, but I would have to go with Tsukishima. I think we would get along well“

  
There it was again – jealousy, swelling in the pit of his stomach. He knew both Akaashi and Tsukishima are straight and it can never actually happen, but he still felt attacked. Everyone else was just attacking Akaashi for not choosing them, as they all obviously felt they were the hottest person in the room.

  
„Thank you Akaashi-san, you would be my first choice too“ Tsukishima replied with a polite smile. Kuroo thought for sure he was going to get flustered, but no, these two had a plan. He glanced at Bokuto, who looked like he was actually about to cry. He was hitting Akaashi’s arm, repeating: „I thought you liked me, Akaashi!“

  
„I do like you, as a friend, Bokuto-san. I could never date someone like you. No offence, I’m sure you’ll find a very pretty and very patient girl, but I just want someone more reliable, like Tsukishima“ Akaashi explained with a smile on his face, slowly like he was talking to a child. It just made Bokuto more depressed.

  
„I’m going to ask Tsukishima-san now – truth or dare?“ Akaashi ignored Bokuto’s persistent whining and went on with the game.

  
„Of course you ask him! Why don’t you ask him to be your roommate too, huh? Why don’t you become his best friend?“ Bokuto crossed his arms and tried to stay mad at Akaashi.

  
„Those are all very good ideas, Bokuto-san. I’m sure Tsukishima doesn’t need me to stop him from eating too much candy and tie his tie for him. What do you say, Tsukishima-san, want to trade places with Bokuto?“ Akaashi offered.

  
„I was only joking! Please don’t kick me out of my room Akaashi, who will bleach my highlights then?“ Bokuto was on the verge of tears again. This was funny to everyone, but it especially pleased Akaashi, who finally had Bokuto wrapped around his finger again.

  
„As I was saying, Tsukishima-san, truth or dare?“ Akaashi cut him off once again.

  
As expected by everyone, Tsukishima went with truth. This part didn’t look planned out to Kuroo, Tsukishima was nervous to hear the question, but he probably had more faith in Akaashi than in anyone else there, so he was still glad it was Akaashi who picked him.

  
„Okay, describe your first crush“ Akaashi asked.

  
No one expected this kind of question, maybe from Kuroo, but they didn’t think Akaashi would throw him in front of the bus. Tsukishima bit his lip and gave it a thought.  
How does he say this without exposing himself? He never had a crush before he met Kuroo. Seriously, not even a single person caught his eye that way, which is why up to that meeting he was absolutely positive he was asexual. Once his classmates started talking about girls, he wondered why he couldn’t see them that way, so he went online and came across the term „asexual“ – it had a definition that fitted him best. Okay, maybe he was only Kuroo Tetsurou-sexual.

  
„She’s, uh, she’s two years older than me. She has short black hair, dark eyes and a really nice smile“ Tsukishima described. All of this was true for Kuroo, he wasn’t lying, he just changed the pronoun. He hoped that would be enough, but he didn’t really expect them to leave him alone with so little details, and he was right.  
„C’mon, Tsukki, a lot of girls in Japan fit that description. Give us something more specific! We have no idea what’s your type or anything!“ Bokuto whined.

  
Kuroo was listening attentively, but he was already dejected from finding out Tsukishima had a crush. It might not be a thing of the past, Akaashi did say „first“ crush, but what if he still has feelings for someone else? Kuroo couldn’t see it happening since Tsukishima never left this all-boys school, but who knows, a long-distance romance where they can’t be together?

  
„My type is just someone who’s ambitious and not too annoying. So think about Kuroo-san, and then think of his polar opposite. That’s who I would potentially think about dating“ Tsukishima explained. Although he knew it was just a joke and he deserved payback, this was too much for Kuroo to handle.

  
„I had a great time with all of you. Thanks for inviting us Lev, I hope we can hang out more in the future too. You guys should go on without me, I just remembered I still haven’t started my English essay that’s due tomorrow. See ya“ Kuroo said with a wide smile and left.

  
Not only did everything about that smile scream „fake“, Tsukishima and Yaku both knew Kuroo never wrote his English essays himself. It finally dawned upon Tsukishima that he might’ve hurt Kuroo’s feelings. He didn’t think it was possible, Kuroo always seemed so confident and he understood when Tsukishima was being sarcastic, which is why he was never afraid of „insulting“ him. But this time he did cross the line, and all in a stupid attempt to mask his feelings for Kuroo.

  
„I’m sorry for causing so much trouble“ Tsukishima bowed his head in apology „I have to go talk to Kuroo-san, I hope you can keep enjoying your day, I won’t be bothering you anymore“

  
Before he could run out, Yaku shouted his name.

  
„We’re not mad, we know you had no intention of hurting Kuroo. We’re still your friends, just maybe pay more attention to Kuroo’s feelings in the future. He would never admit it, but after what’s happened to him in his old school, he finds it hard to trust people’s intentions. He knows you would never want to hurt him too, but his brain distorts everything that way“ Yaku revealed Kuroo’s secrets, but then gave him a reassuring smile that said, „go, he needs you“.

  
Tsukishima nodded his head and started running the fastest he’s ever run in his life. He was mad at himself for ruining everyone’s great day like that, like being rejected was worse than hurting his friend. He was an awful friend, no wonder no one ever wanted to be around him. This is what he did best, after all – he pushed people away with his arrogant and insensitive comments because it’s the only defence mechanism he knows.

  
He knew Kuroo wasn’t in his room writing an essay, so he ran straight to the forest. It’s been a full week since he last saw Kuroo smoking, so either he really didn’t feel the need to, or he just stopped inviting Tsukishima to go to the forest with him. He knew everyone needed some alone time, but the thought of Kuroo not wanting him around made him sad.

  
Just like he expected, Kuroo was leaning against the same tree with a cigarette hanging from his lips. When he noticed Tsukishima, he tried acting like he didn’t, averted his gaze and continued smoking like before. They were silent while Tsukishima thought about what he should say to fix the situation.

  
„I’m sorry“ he started off simple „I didn’t think before saying that, I thought it would just be funny and it was stupid. I promise I’ll never say anything like that again, I didn’t aware it could hurt you but if I were I would have never said it in the first place. Please accept my apologies“

  
Although it was all generalised and cliche statements, Tsukishima had to be really geniune to even think about apologising to someone. Kuroo just couldn’t imagine his bowing his head in front of just anyone because of his sarcastic humour, that’s not Tsukishima. And he was never angry, it just piled onto his jealousy and lack of self-control caused by Tsukki’s new style, he had to get away before he did something stupid, like confess.

  
„It’s not that I think I’m too good for you, it’s that I don’t deserve someone like you“ Tsukishima added. Kuroo finally looked up, only to see him nervously playing with the hem of his shirt. Before he could open his mouth to say anything, Kei continued:

  
„You’re too patient with an asshole like me, and you’re the only one who’s not afraid to bite back when I make my stupid jokes. I don’t even deserve to have a friend like you, so I’m thankful to have you, but sometimes I feel guilty because I know I’m not a good enough friend to return the favour“

  
Kuroo wanted to kiss him. He wanted to throw away his half-smoked cigarette, grab his cheeks with both hands and just kiss him, but he knew it was an urge he had to resist.  
„I won’t let you talk about my friend like that“ Kuroo finally said „Tsukishima Kei is the smartest, kindest and funniest asshole I’ve ever met and deserves every last minute of my patience. Sure, he has to work on his tact a lot, he’s not really good with feelings and sometimes I feel like I have no idea what’s going on in his head because he’s so damn good at keeping his secrets. But I am fucking proud to call him my friend“

  
Tsukishima felt like the air was getting thinner with every word Kuroo said. He never cried. He didn’t cry when his mom cried, when his dad left him without saying goodbye. This was the first time he felt like crying.

  
He swallowed his feelings as usual and just stared at Kuroo. They were looking at each other for what felt like a long time, but was probably only a few seconds seconds. Kuroo returned to his cigarette, a big part of which has already turned to ash. He took a very sharp and deep drag and turned his eyes away from Tsukishima.

  
Another awkward silence. It looked like they solved their issue, but Tsukishima didn’t know what else to say, especially after Kuroo said all those kind words he didn’t deserve to hear. After what he said, Kuroo had the right to never speak to him again, but Kuroo was just too good of a person to do that. If it were Tsukishima, he would’ve just cut all ties.

  
„I should apologise for what I said earlier too“ Kuroo interrupted Tsukishima’s spiral of destructive thoughts „One day you’re going to find someone you’ll really fall in love with and I’m sure you’ll be happy. I mean, look at you, you’re so pretty it makes people want to be insulted by you“

  
He laughed it off, but Tsukishima’s heart rate increased again. Should he just confess to Kuroo? Wasn’t this the perfect opportunity – they were all alone, no chance anyone could overhear, and they had time to properly talk about it. He stopped himself from taking that big of a risk because he knew he would never find another friend like Kuroo.  
There he goes again, being a saint, forgiving Tsukishima for the 1000th time, making it hard for him to hold his feelings inside. If only he knew how Kuroo felt about him, if he could get a guarantee his friendship with Kuroo wouldn’t be ruined even if he’s rejected, everything would be so much easier. He could just get this big load off his chest and continue living his life, but now he was always on the edge of making a fatal mistake.

  
„You have nothing to apologise for, you were right. I can’t go on treating people like this. I already knew what I’m doing isn’t right, but I did it anyway because I didn’t care if everyone else hated me. I don’t want you to hate me, or Yaku-san, or Akaashi and Lev and Bokuto. I was never afraid of losing anyone, so I don’t know how I’m supposed to act“ Tsukishima confessed.

  
He didn’t really know why he was telling Kuroo all of this at this time, but Kuroo did mention just now that he wanted him to open up more. Maybe this could get him closer to Kuroo, maybe if he lets his guard down for the first time in his life, their bond will become even stronger and more meaningful. And in the end, he wanted Kuroo to know the real him.

  
Something about him put Kei at ease and made him feel more human, more normal than he’s ever felt. He wasn’t just an anti-social freak when he was with Kuroo. He wasn’t „that guy“ who started school two years earlier because he never got less than 100% on a test and got scouted by the best universities all over the world at the age of 15. Kuroo didn’t see him that way. He saw the most well-hidden aspects of him without Kei even showing them to him, and he accepted them fully.  
„You won’t lose us“ Kuroo assured him with the most gentle smile „Real friends don’t turn their backs on each other no matter what. That’s what we have to learn, you and me both“

  
You and me both. Kei remembered what happened to Kuroo and he just couldn’t imagine all his friends leaving him behind like that. That was probably what he was most afraid of and why he was so guarded all these years, he didn’t want to go through what he saw his mother going through when his dad left. Kuroo had a similar thing happen to him and he still had the courage to believe in the goodness of human hearts.

  
„Thank you. Thank you for everything, Kuroo-san“

  
Before he could respond, Tsukishima hugged him.

  
Kuroo couldn’t even blink from the shock and Kei had no idea how he found the strength to do that. He wrapped his arms tight around Kuroo’s shoulders and didn’t really know how to let go, so he just stayed like that for a while, taking in the fresh scent of Kuroo’s hair.

  
Once Kuroo’s brain had processed what was happening, he finally returned the hug. He put his arms around Kei’s waist and buried his face in his neck, even though he knew that was probably closer than he should’ve been. He couldn’t bring himself to care about anything else at that moment.

  
The hug lingered way too long to be friendly, but neither of them could make themselves push away when they wanted so badly to just be close to each other. Their heartbeats steadily slowed down and they got used to each other’s warmth. Even though they were standing, the hug was already so comfortable that they hoped it would somehow last forever.

  
Tsukishima was the first one to move his arms away, once he realised Kuroo will definitely see through him if he keeps doing this any longer. He took a step back and Kuroo lit another cigarette. They were back to being uncomfortably silent, but at least Kuroo had his cigarette to pretend to focus on. All Tsukishima could do was stand there, eyes glued to his shoes, hoping Kuroo would say something funny and they could go back to normal.

  
That obviously wasn’t going to happen, so Tsukishima had to take the matter into his hands after all. „Sorry. Maybe that was crossing boundaries again, but I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know how to put my feelings into words, how to properly show my gratitude, so I... I did that, I guess“ he tried to make an excuse.

  
„Now that’s something you should never apologise about, you can hug me anytime, Tsukki!“ Kuroo flashed a beautiful smile „You already know I love hugs!“

  
Tsukishima smiled at that too, it was still a shy smile of relief, but it was bright and wide and dammit, Kuroo had trouble breathing again. There it was, the smile that ruined everything. How could anyone resist him when he was smiling like that? He was cuter than a month-old kitten, and Kuroo was the person who could spend six hours just looking at kittens.

  
It was probably because when Tsukishima smiled, it had to be honest. He wasn’t the type to put energy into a fake smile, so whenever he smiled it was so honest and made him look like a child. All he could do was try to make sure Tsukki is smiling as often as possible, because nothing made him feel warmer and happier than seeing that smile.

  
„Should we go back to our rooms?“ Kuroo proposed. It was already getting dark outside and they completely lost track of time. Tsukishima nodded and they started walking in silence, but this time it was a comfortable one. One they needed to sort out their thoughts.

  
Kuroo followed him all the way to his door as usual and there they said their goodbyes. He kept going through the dark hallways and the moment he opened his own door, Yaku’s eyes attacked him with unspoken questions.  
„I’m so fucked, I’m seriously fucked. I love him“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is my longest chapter yet! I hope you didn't get bored of all this friendship stuff, I promise some real tea is coming in the next chapter ;) Please share your thoughts if you have any!


	10. The Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's exam season, the provocations heat up and there are presents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, let me say this chapter was the most fun to write! I didn't even plan on writing but started with no ideas whatsoever and somehow it kept flowing until 4 am. The miracle of life.

„Half-term exams are approaching, they’re worth 20% of your final grade so you better come prepared“

Kuroo heard that exact sentence countless times that week – every single teacher put a special emphasis on exam season. He thought it was too much stress over nothing, and he never really understood why Kei and Yaku were always so serious about school. After having „expelled“ written all over his high school record, Kuroo knew he didn’t stand a chance at a good university, even with his 100% in Advanced Algebra. 

Strangely enough, maths was the only thing he was naturally good at - algebra, geometry, analysis – you name it, he could do it. That’s why his parents, although they were both artists and pretty liberal, always hoped he would go on to pursue a valuable degree, but they too knew that dream was shattered the moment he was expelled.

To tell the truth, that was never Kuroo’s dream. He liked solving problems for fun, but it wasn’t something he could see himself doing for the rest of his life. Even before he was expelled, he didn’t have any intention of continuing his education, simply because he had no idea what it was that he wanted to study and do for a living. That incident only gave him an excuse to give up, so he felt no pressure to pretend to be interested in his grades.

He still kept going to class every day and even tried studying, for one simple reason – Tsukishima Kei. He knew Tsukki wouldn’t want to associate with stupid and unambitious people, being so academically-driven himself, so he thought he’d get his attention by doing well in school. That was his only strategy to get Tsukki to like him back, and it was pathetic.

The master of smooth flirting shouldn’t have to STUDY to get his crush to notice him, right? He could just show off his muscles in a tight t-shirt, crack a couple of stupid jokes and flash his cheeky smile and any boy should be swooning over him. But Tsukishima Kei wasn’t just any boy, and winning him over wasn’t going to be that easy. This was the most effort he’s ever put into seducing someone.

„Tetsurou, are you okay?“ Yaku entered the room after his classes ended, only to find his roommate sitting in front of his desk and reading an actual textbook. He had to rub his eyes to check if he really wasn’t hallucinating, but it really was Kuroo Tetsurou, hunched over a passage in English. With three different highlighters next to him.

„Where did you get highlighters?! You don’t even own a pen, you take mine all the time!“ Yaku continued, but Kuroo paid no attention to him. He didn’t have music on or anything, he heard his roommate quite well, but he was absolutely focused on acing his English midterms tomorrow. English was his worst subject and the biggest challenge.

„Tsukki let me borrow some of his, he even taught me how to colour-code for English! Did you know about that, it’s cool to have something flashy in these boring blocks of boring text!“ he perked up suddenly, only after letting Yaku’s initial surprise hang in the air for a few seconds.

„B-But... Why are you studying? And English, no less, I thought you hated English?“ Yaku craved further explanation because he knew whatever made his friend stoop on his pride like this had to be extremely important to him. In the few short months he’d been living with Kuroo, he had never once seen him sit in his chair, it was merely an accessory.

„I have my midterms tomorrow?“ Kuroo looked at him confusedly, as if he thought that was reason enough. Yaku could read him like a cheap romance novel, there was obviously another motive behind it, and he knew if he didn’t think of something quick, he’ll put two and two together on his own.

„The truth is, my parents kind of blackmailed me“ he lied, even rubbing his neck like he was embarrassed about it. Yaku was still looking at him with a puzzled expression, and Kuroo knew he wasn’t a good enough liar to make that more elaborate and still believable, but he chose to stick with it.

„Yeah, they’ll stop sending me money if I don’t pass all my midterms, and I still need cigarettes and stuff, so I’m just trying to get 60% in everything and get them off my case. But there’s no way I won’t fail English, I’ve been failing it since middle school!“ he started explaining, and thought it was a pretty legitimate reason to study. Yaku didn’t look satisfied.

„How about you just stop smoking, dumbass? Does it mean so much to you that you would even study for it?“ Yaku looked angry, but Kuroo was relieved he believed his poor lies. He continued his „you’ll get lung cancer and die at 30“ tirade that Kuroo knew all too well, so he just turned back to his textbook. He picked up a yellow highlighter. 

„Green is for the most important things, the core of the text that put everything else in context“ he remembered Tsukki’s instructions „Blue is for further explanations, smaller details that might also pop up in questions to trick you and check if you really paid attention to everything. Yellow is for things you don’t understand at all, you can come back when you’re done and I’ll translate those bits for you“

„Green – keywords, blue – traps, yellow – ask Tsukki. Got it! Then, I’ll be back when I’m done with this text!“ he waved enthusiastically and grabbed the highlighters from Tsukishima’s hands. He thought he was really pitiful for getting all riled up by small touches like that, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Tsukishima’s slightly cold skin and bony knuckles. 

Tsukishima was just as surprised as Yaku when Kuroo barged into his room asking for highlighters. He said he saw someone from their class using them and thought it might make studying more bearable if he added a pop of colour. Kei was amused by that child-like way of thinking, he found it so cute that Kuroo put so much thought into it that he forgot to ask why the hell he decided to study now.

„Are you sure you don’t have even a little bit of time to tutor me? I could pay you, too“ Kuroo tried one more time, even thought Tsukishima had already rejected him twice. 

„I told you, Kuroo-san, I have exams to prepare for too. Besides, do you really think I’d make you pay for it?“ Tsukishima politely declined for the last time. He didn’t let it show, but he felt guilty and even a little sad for passing up an opportunity to spend more time with Kuroo, but school was still his number one priority.

„Got it, got it. I’ll have to do this on my own! But how about this!“ Kuroo prepared to propose a brilliant idea. Tsukishima already looked like he’d given up, so he just sighed and let Kuroo make whatever weird request he wanted to. 

„If I pass all my midterms, I can ask you one question and you have to give me an honest answer“ he challenged him with a confident smirk. Tsukishima doubted Kuroo would go to such lengths just to find out his favourite colour, so he already had a question in mind he was desperate to ask and the only way to get Tsukishima to be honest was to blackmail him.

„You should tell me what kind of question first, and then I can think about it“ Tsukishima tried to compromise, but he knew it was not a word Kuroo had in his vocabulary. 

„No, the whole point is for it to be a surprise! C’mon Tsukki, it’s just a question, I didn’t even ask for a favour. I can’t make you give me a blowjob or anything“ Kuroo shrugged, knowing it’s the way to get Tsukishima flustered. But it seemed like his innocent Tsukki was learning from the best.

„You’d have to get 100% in everything for me to do that“ Tsukishima smirked. 

Now Kuroo was the one getting flustered, which was completely opposite of what he was trying to achieve. More than anything he hated when Tsukishima beat him in his own game, which is getting the other embarrassed, and that seemed to happen more and more often. Ever since he realised he really really liked Tsukishima, he wasn’t able to jokingly flirt as casually as before. He feared Tsukishima would find it weird now that he knows Kuroo’s gay, or even worse, find out about his feelings.

„So that’s on the table too?“ Kuroo finally recollected himself, but his voice still wasn’t as suave as he would’ve liked it to be. Kei saw his victory written all over Kuroo’s face and he was getting a kick out of it, but it took him some time to get used to this kind of sass-off. It was a bit risky to put himself out like that, but it was the easiest way to beat Kuroo, and that’s what he lived for. 

„I don’t know what’s less likely – you getting 100% in English or getting a blowjob for me. Maybe if you’re a good boy and go to Heaven, God will reward you with one of those things, but unfortunately I doubt you’ll live to see that happen on Earth“ Kei continued poking at his sore spots. Once he got into it, it was the most fun he could have.

He didn’t really know why that particular kind of insults got to Kuroo, probably because he was too self-assured and thought he could get anyone to sleep with him. His fragile ego was Tsukishima’s new favourite toy, but he almost wanted to laugh at himself for being such a hypocrite when he knew Kuroo could have him right where he wanted him, if he   
wanted him.

But he didn’t, and he won’t. After telling himself that, Tsukishima found it easier to behave like earlier around Kuroo. His first love was bound to be unrequited and unspoken until the very end, and he was becoming okay with that. He was even a bit relieved – he didn’t really know how relationships work, but it sounded like a lot of trouble.

„Wow, okay Tsukki, you keep hurting me like that, we’ll see what girl will still want to sleep with you after you’ve told her you’d never lay a hand on her. Your flirting techniques are really weird, good thing you have me to try them on so you don’t embarrass yourself when it’s for real“ Kuroo joked with a hint of sadness in his voice, but made it seem like it was intentional.

„Well teach me then, o great Master of Romance“ Tsukishima kept mocking him in the most annoying low voice Kuroo had ever heard. Oh he wanted to teach him a few things, but not in that kind of way. That would wipe the shit-eating grin off his stupidly adorable face. 

„I don’t usually tell people my tricks, but I’ll make an exception for my lost friend. Better take some notes and highlight them“ Kuroo said in a provocative voice. He was about to make Tsukishima swallow his words down to the full stop.

„First, you need to accidentally get a little closer to her than you should“ he instructed, immediately demonstrating too. He leaned into Tsukishima’s face until he got an instinctive reaction from his pupils. The hitched breathing was a nice bonus, too.

„Then, you make some light, unintentional physical contact. Nothing too brave, though“ he continued and slowly went his fingers down Tsukishima’s chest, but only a few centimetres, not all the way down. It took an insane amount of willpower not to go lower when he was already so close. 

„And then you say“ he whispered in a hoarse voice, almost letting his lips touch Tsukishima’s pink ears „Thanks for the highlighters, nerd“  
With that, he ran out of the room and threw a peace sign behind his back as he hurried to start studying. He won after all, and he cheerfully jumped through the hallways like a hero coming back to his homeland after winning a war. But it was hard this time, Tsukishima really pushed it with that unexpected blowjob comeback. Who knew his innocent Tsukki would go to such lengths just to out-sass him?

***

Kuroo snapped from his flashbacks of that morning and returned to the text in front of him. It was two pages long and extremely uninspired, but somehow he got through all of it. There were quite a bit of yellow parts, but he thought he understood the main theme, and that was accomplishment enough for him. 

He took a short cigarette break and went right back to studying. Never in his life had he been that dedicated to passing a test, which only reminded him how much he actually liked Tsukki. Even if his parents threatened to cut his funds, he’d find a way to work around it, find a junior to give algebra lessons to or a part-time job. He couldn’t think of another situation that would make him study, let alone this much.

After two hours of studying with only two ten-minute breaks, he was already getting a headache. „Wouldn’t it be easier to just slam him against the wall and not waste time with this shit?“ he almost said that thought out loud, but then he remembered Yaku was still in the room. But seriously, Tsukki was the only thing worth this much time.

He felt like every sentence he read took 7 years off his lifespan. Words were starting to blur and he just couldn’t concentrate on English anymore, but he had other things to study too, so he tossed the textbook on his bed (a bit more aggressively than he had planned) and took out Japanese notes he’d borrowed from Tsukki earlier that day.

Japanese was slightly easier than English – it wasn’t his strength either, but it was bearable. However, he found out studying is even harder when all you have on your mind is an extremely hot french fry. He thought about Tsukishima’s calm face while he read the same notes, and his focused eyes and slender fingers writing said notes, and then taking off Kuroo’s shirt... And it was already a lost battle.

„Urghh, Yakuuu“ he started whining out loud. Yaku had his headphones on but Kuroo was annoying enough for him to take them off and send him a death glare. He too was busy studying, just like everyone else during this time (he even refused to see Lev until he was done with all his exams), but Kuroo was impossible to ignore.

„What, headass, suddenly you don’t speak Japanese either?!“ the smaller boy growled.

„How do you do it?!“ Kuroo kept whining, sounding increasingly more like a two-year-old.

„Do what, study?“ Yaku couldn’t believe what he was hearing „It’s pretty easy actually, you just have to open the book and then-„

„No, that’s not what I meant!“ Kuroo cut him off mid-sentence „How do you study WHILE YOU’RE IN LOVE?!“   
With that excessive emphasis, he also had to dramatically fall on his bed, next to the damaged English textbook. He spread his arms and everything, just like in a bad romantic comedy, which Yaku found to be the funniest thing ever.

„Focus Tetsurou, focus. I know you’re not straight, but your priorities have to be. Remember, you won’t have any cigarette money. Just pass the damn tests and then you can get back to being a lovesick idiot“ once again, Yaku had to play the role of his conscience, which was, unfortunately, laying drunk somewhere in a dumpster along with his pride and dreams.

„I know that, you’re right, but HOW DO I DO IT? Obviously, you don’t know the pain since Lev is not that attractive, but it’s scientifically IMPOSSIBLE not to think about Tsukki’s long legs wrapped around your-„

„First of all, stop right there!“ Yaku shouted „Keep your fantasies to yourself, you freak, I don’t want to know about that. Second of all, did you just call my boyfriend unattractive?“   
Yaku sounded offended but looked amused, like he was challenging him to a duel. 

„Well, I mean, he’s okay, he’s cute, but he’s not like, Tsukishima-cute. He’s on another level, man, I can’t believe even with that stupid evil grin he can still manage to look like an angel. Like, how does he do that?!“ Kuroo sounded genuinely desperate.

„Okay, I know your judgement is a little clouded but there’s no way Tsukishima-san is better than Lev. Okay, he’s smarter, I’ll give him that, but he doesn’t have those piercing green eyes and I’m sure he can’t use his tongue like that“ Yaku had the meanest grin while praising his boyfriend.

„Wow, who’s the freak now?!“ Kuroo’s eyes emitted the terror of a child who had just walked in on his parents, but Yaku was giggling. It may or may not have been only a bluff, but Kuroo really didn’t want to know. 

„Okay, sass break over, go back to studying!“ Yaku (thankfully) interrupted his thoughts by throwing a book right into his face. Kuroo shouted „Ouch!“ but returned to his desk.

***

Tsukishima, on the other hand, was even more of a mess than he knew he could be. There was this very fine line in his and Kuroo’s playfights and Kuroo always made sure to step right on it. Never a step over, but somehow he knew exactly how to hit that spot in Tsukishima where he couldn’t be sure he was only joking, but couldn’t take it as a sign either. He was always quick to convince himself it was just a joke.

This was the first time in his life that he wasn’t able to focus on studying. He already had trouble with Algebra and he was mad at Kuroo for making it even harder for him, but in a way, he brought this predicament upon himself. Had he not responded to Kuroo’s blowjob joke, he wouldn’t have been all up his face like that. Never again.

The numbers all looked the same in his eyes and he remembered that Kuroo took Advanced Algebra. Surely he would be able to help him with these mid-level problems, but was it really fair to ask for help when he’s the one who refused to tutor him? Yeah, it was definitely not an option.

What other option was there? There was no way he could get 100% on this without any help, and the teacher was a dickhead, so that was off the table too. He rewinded to the time he first found out about Kuroo secretly taking Advanced Math. That’s when it clicked – Bokuto took that class too. Now that he got to know him better, he couldn’t believe such a goof was good at algebra, but he had no other choice. 

Tsukishima didn’t like asking for help, but ruining his perfect record was even worse. As many times as he told himself it was only one of many subjects, he couldn’t just give up and accept that there was something he wasn’t good at. He’s going to get 100% on this test, even if that meant having to take classes. So he put his pride to sleep and went to Bokuto.

***

„Really, Tsukki?!“ 

Bokuto almost screamed when Tsukishima bowed his head in front of him, as if that wasn’t embarrassing enough. Akaashi was listening too, and he was also in disbelief. Tsukishima, asking for help? It was so off-brand that they knew it must’ve been serious. 

„Why don’t you ask Tetsurou, I’m sure he’d love to help you“ Akaashi teased him.

„I know he would, but I already refused to tutor him, so it would be selfish to ask for his help without giving anything in return“ Tsukishima’s ears went a little pink and he just wanted this torture to be over.

„I’m sure Kuroo could think of something you can give in return“ Akaashi continued, his eyes glistening more and more with each push. For weeks now he’s been set on uncovering Tsukishima’s little secret, and this was the perfect opportunity.

„We’ve already discussed that, I’m not giving him a blowjob,“ Tsukishima said with a straight face, but Bokuto started coughing so violently Akaashi had to hit his back. 

„Kuroo really said that?!“ he asked Akaashi, but only got a mischevious grin.

„Okay then, Bokuto will tutor you“ Akaashi answered instead of Bokuto, but the older boy didn’t seem to complain „Under one condition“

„Seriously, why is everyone here so desperate to get laid?“ Tsukishima tried joking, but he was terrified of Akaashi’s condition, even more so than Kuroo’s. When Akaashi provoked him, he didn’t just look smug and entertained, he looked like an actual strategist that enjoyed going over his battle tactics way too much. 

„You have to answer one question“

This time it came from Bokuto, like their minds were somehow in synch. That made it even scarier. What was it that both Akaashi and Bokuto wanted to know about him? And why did everyone just want answers, Kuroo too? Could he have the same question and they were all in some kind of conspiracy against him?

„Sure“

Bokuto and Akaashi looked at each other with sly smiles, like two spiders who built a web together and watched a juicy fly fly right into it, ready to split it in half. Tsukishima gulped, thinking maybe it wasn’t so safe to agree with their conditions so easily. He should’ve at least asked to hear the question first.

„Do you or do you not like Kuroo Tetsurou?“

And that’s why. 

„We’ve had this bet since the day we met you!“ Bokuto explained enthusiastically „Sorry Tsukki, but to me, you really don’t look like someone who can develop romantic feelings for anyone. Akaashi, however, has this crazy idea that you’re super gay for Tetsurou, and I laughed so hard when he first mentioned it! So please, I want to get a free pizza from him“

Kei was cornered. Bokuto trusted him, which he appreciated, he really did, but he should’ve known nothing could get past Akaashi. Is it really of any use to keep hiding it at this point? Well, Akaashi wouldn’t believe him anyway, if anything, it would just further convince him he’s right, but at least he could get Bokuto to stay on his side.

„Did you really bet my sexuality on a free pizza?“ Tsukishima started giggling and tried looking confident. He knew it wouldn’t be enough to make Akaashi let him off the hook, but he was trying to buy more time. An A in algebra, he reminded himself.

„I told you it should be two pizzas, you’re going to take a slice of mine anyway and then it’s not fair“ Bokuto tried whispering to Akaashi, but unsurprisingly, he didn’t know how to whisper.

„So, yes or no?“ Akaashi repeated with pure confidence in his eyes. He already knew he won the bet, he obviously knew a lot more about him than Tsukishima was aware of (and comfortable with). It wasn’t that much of a surprise, but Tsukishima was still embarrassed that he was so easy to read. Could Kuroo see through him like that too?

„I’m sorry, Akaashi-san. You owe Bokuto a pizza“ he finally responded. He took too long for Akaashi to believe him, but he knew it had to be serious for him to choose to lie even after being driven into the corner like that, so he stopped pushing.  
Bokuto, on the other hand, looked overjoyed. He kept chanting „I told you so!“ and jumper in a circle around the room like it wasn’t just a pizza. 

„Fine, I admit I was wrong. I’m sorry for making assumptions like that, Tsukishima-san. Bokuto, we’re ordering pizza for dinner tonight. Now you have to help Tsukishima with algebra, remember?“ Akaashi pretended to admit defeat, but he gave Tsukishima a meaningful glance that said: „So I was right, wasn’t I?“

Tsukishima just looked away from Akaashi’s terrifying eyes that looked like they were interrogating him and sat on the floor with Bokuto. He was still jumpy from getting his pizza, but he was unexpectedly good at explaining algebra in a way that Tsukishima could understand. Tsukishima was afraid he wouldn’t be able to get serious, so this was the most pleasant surprise. 

After about half an hour, Akaashi joined them again. „Didn’t he tell you? Bokuto wants to become an elementary school teacher, so he’s really good at conveying his knowledge. Who would’ve guessed, right?“ Akaashi explained, but with a soft hint of pride in his smile.

„Looks like I’m not the only one with secrets, Akaashi-san,“ Tsukishima thought slyly while watching Akaashi’s tender gaze on a focused Bokuto. The silver-haired boy was too focused to notice Akaashi’s quiet remark, but if he had heard it, he would’ve definitely perked up like a praised puppy. 

„Do you understand it better now?“ Bokuto asked after another thirty minutes of tutoring. 

„I think I do“ Tsukishima nodded „Thank you so much Bokuto-san, I’m sorry for taking up your time like this“

„Hey, we’re friends!“ Bokuto assured him as he closed his notebooks „Besides, you got me a free pizza!“

On his way out, Bokuto showed him a thumbs up and both boys wished him good luck on his exams. He waved goodbye and tried to remember the next thing on his study schedule. Asking for help didn’t go so bad after all, it was actually extremely useful and he somehow felt closer to his friends after admitting he needs them.

He did feel bad for blatantly lying to Akaashi though. He knew he had no choice, he didn’t want anyone knowing about that, even if they were friends. And maybe precisely because of that. Perhaps he could go on for ages about his crush on his new classmate to a total stranger, but ruining his friendships was too much of a risk. If something bad were to happen between them, they would either have to take sides (and everyone would take Kuroo’s, leaving Kei with no friends again), or it would be extremely awkward for all of them.

No, remember what they said? They said they were his friends no matter what, so this couldn’t tear them apart either. Maybe he should tell them, or at least Akaashi, seeing as he practically already knows? He shook that idea off immediately. Putting all his friendships at stake like that would be unforgivable. Why did Kuroo Tetsurou have so much power over him? 

***

Large sheets of paper were stuck all over the school notice board in the main hall, but not even that was enough space for about two hundred curious heads.   
Everyone was nervous to see their name on the list, their eyes slowly sinking lower and lower when they couldn’t find themselves on the top. It was everyone’s goal to be in the first ten of their year, and in every subject too. There were separate lists for each year and subject, so they just went from one to another looking increasingly less happy. Only a small number of them threw fists in the air when they saw a passing mark, and Kuroo Tetsurou thought he would be one of them.

In reality, he was the only one who started looking from the bottom of each list and cautiously made his way up. He couldn’t believe he wasn’t in the lower half of any list, not even English. Not only did he pass it, he got 80%. That alone was enough to send him over the moon, but the biggest shock was yet to come.

The algebra list was last. Everyone was staring at it like it was a corpse in the middle of their hallway, but Kuroo was the last one to get there, still marvelling over his 80% in English. He just couldn’t wait to brag about it to Tsukki.

After seeing his name, he also went on his toes to check on Tsukishima. He was number one on every single list and nobody seemed surprised by that. That asshole was so arrogant, he didn’t even come to see the lists – he already knew he was on top. It was a shame, because he didn’t get to see his crown fall until later, when everyone else already did. 

Kuroo Tetsurou was on the very top of the algebra list, and with a perfect score no less. Tsukishima was just below him with 98%. He couldn’t even be happy about it because he knew Tsukki is going to blow up, and he didn’t even know if he could tease him about it without getting his arm bitten off.

There was another factor that ruined his moment – the entire school staring at him. „The new kid“ was known for being a good-for-nothing, messy, aggressive-looking dude who’s always late to class. There’s no way he could be that good at algebra. But it was less about him and more about the never before seen scandal – the fall of Tsukishima Kei.  
Kuroo had to go tell him before he heard stupid chatter in class. So what if he had 2% fucking percent less than him, it was just a stupid test. But knowing Kei, he’s going to be angry at himself (and possibly at Kuroo) until he beats him in the end-of-term round of tests. It was such a silly gossip to feed on and he pitied those guys for making it sound like the most extravagant thing they’d ever seen.

„Tsukki! Tsukki! Tsukki!“ he knocked on his door faster than usual, but had to wait a few moments until Tsukishima opened. He looked completely uninterested in whatever it was that made Kuroo so frantic, so he didn’t even invite him inside, only leaned on the doorframe before Kuroo went in anyway.

„Thank you for the highlighters, they really helped!“ he started off cheerfully „You weren’t in your room when I came to check the yellow parts, but it still went well, I got 80%!“ 

„You don’t have to feel bad about beating me at algebra“ Tsukishima didn’t let him continue the chitty-chatter and got straight to the point. Kuroo obviously didn’t expect for Tsukishima to know about that. „I went there at six this morning. I saw it“

„So you do look at them! Everyone thinks you never do!“ Kuroo gasped.

„Luckily, I don’t care what everyone thinks. I already knew you would beat me, I fucked up the test“ Tsukishima continued, but earned an expected laugh from Kuroo.

„Fucked up?! You got 98%, how is that fucking up?“ he grabbed his sides while laughing.

„Because it was a stupid mistake, just a miscalculation. I understood the material, I could’ve easily gotten 100%, but I didn’t concentrate enough“ Tsukishima did sound a little like he was beating himself up about it, but even more like he was stating simple facts.

If only Kuroo knew what that meant. He couldn’t concentrate because he spent an entire 10 minutes of the test staring at Kuroo’s stupid smile. He didn’t look focused or puzzled like everyone else, he looked like a child running through a field of daisies. Every time he got an idea he lit up and you could almost imagine the cartoonish lightbulb above his head. It was too adorable not to watch.

„So you’re really not mad at me?“ Kuroo checked again, but there was visible relief on his face. 

„Of course I’m not mad, idiot. It’s not your fault you’re good at algebra. And if you do something like intentionally screw up in the next round of tests just to make me feel better about myself, I’ll punch your teeth out“ he tried to threaten, but they both started laughing before he could finish the sentence properly.

„Oh and yeah, congrats on English. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to go over it with you, I promise I won’t disappear like that next time“ Tsukishima remembered after a few moments of comfortable silence.

„Now that you say it, where were you? You hardly ever leave your room, and you said you were too busy studying to tutor me!“ Kuroo started accusing.  
As if the deed itself hadn’t been embarrassing enough, now he had to tell Kuroo about it too. Or maybe he could use it to start another sass-off. He missed that in the past few days.

„I was just sucking Daishou off in the forest“ he tried to keep a straight face, but the corners of his lips were curling unintentionally at the thought of Kuroo’s reaction. However, Kuroo was able to bounce back a lot faster this time. Was Tsukishima already that predictable?

„Poor Daishou. You probably had no idea what you were doing, straight boy“ Kuroo teased back.

„He said I was better than you, so...“ Tsukishima shrugged casually and at that moment they both knew Kuroo was destroyed.

„Okay, that was good, I can’t even be mad“ Kuroo admitted after they stopped laughing.

„Hey, why is it that I keep roasting the shit out of you all the time and you still keep coming back for more?“ Tsukishima suddenly asked, only half-joking "Are you some kind of masochist?"

„Nah, I think I’m more of a sadist“ Kuroo responded after giving it some thought „Maybe I just do it because I love you“

Holy shit. He took that one step over the line and both of them immediately regretted getting into this stupid showing off, especially Tsukishima, how started it and now didn’t know how to defuse the fire Kuroo accidentally started.

„Yeah, that’s probably it“ Tsukishima chose to accept that explanation and tried not to get too red. Kuroo seemed only slightly relieved, but they weren’t looking each other in the eye anymore, so he couldn’t know for sure. 

„No homo though“ Kuroo added nervously and they both started laughing again, completely forgetting that awkward moment. Kuroo made a mental note to add another thick layer of bright red paint over the line.

They were sitting on Kei’s bed on a pleasant Sunday morning. They had just gotten back their test results and were both happy with them, they fell back into a natural silence and just enjoyed the calm the other’s presence brought to them. Kei thought he could get used to it, but it would’ve been a hundred times better if they could cuddle while being silent.

„So, are you really not going to tell me where you were yesterday?“ Kuroo asked again „I mean, it’s fine if you don’t want to, I’m not some kind of jealous husband, I was just surprised, I guess“

„I had Bokuto help me with algebra“ Tsukishima finally decided to admit. 

Kuroo’s face went to every expression possible in a very short amount of time, like he was trying to decide which slide to begin with on his „Why this is wrong“ presentation. Tsukishima knew it would be the „You could’ve asked me!“, but the rest of his reactions were unintelligible. 

„So, I guess now you should ask me your question, since you passed all your tests“ Kei reminded him. He knew full well it was a bad idea, but he thought nothing could be worse than continuing to talk about his study session with Bokuto.

„Oh yeah, I almost forgot!“ Kuroo jumped up a little bit, but soon realised how fishy it was of Tsukishima to remind him about that „So, my question!“

Tsukishima was ready. It couldn’t be worse than the bombshell Akaashi had dropped on him just a few days earlier. Besides, Kuroo had already crossed the line once that day, so he doubted he would have the courage to try something daring again. 

„What’s your favourite food?“ he said right off the bat. 

It was the last question Tsukishima was expecting. It was so simple and... innocent? Something wasn’t right here. There was a catch and he had to know what it was before answering.

„Is that really all you wanted to ask me? You went through all that just to find out my favourite food?“ he stared at him in disbelief.

„What’s wrong with that? I’ve been wondering about that for a long time, that’s all“ Kuroo felt the need to protect himself, which made him look more guilty than he actually was.

„It’s strawberry shortcake“

Kuroo didn’t die laughing like he thought he would, but a smile did spread all over his face instantly. It wasn’t a mean-spirited or even slightly teasing smile, just a smile of pure joy. He thought it was the most adorable thing he’d ever heard, and that expression made Tsukishima uncomfortable.

„Go ahead, laugh at me. Who knew the great Tsukishima Kei had a sweet tooth? Isn’t that girly? If you like sweets so much, how are you so thin? Hit me up, I’ve heard it all“ Tsukishima rolled his eyes in fake annoyance. Like Kuroo didn’t have enough material to tease him, this was just what he needed. He could blackmail him, telling all their friends he liked strawberry shortcake.

„I’m not going to laugh at you!“ Kuroo said in an assuring, even a little insulted voice „I like sweets too, but I’m more of a chocolate type of guy. Well, thank you for your honesty!“

„Are you satisfied now? You have one more thing to tease me about“ Tsukishima groaned.

„You think that’s why I asked?! For all I knew, you could’ve said lettuce! Nah, that’s just a lucky coincidence, but I’ll try not to use it too much“ Kuroo giggled. It was so nice, just sitting and laughing with Kei like that. He knew it was greedy, but now if only they could sit a little closer, maybe with their fingers laced together...

„You better not“ Tsukishima uselessly pretended to threaten him „But it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting, you blew your chance to get the real tea“

„Ohoho, there’s tea? Then, what were you expecting?“ Kuroo’s smile turned... playful again, and it could only go downhill from there.

„I don’t know, something like what Akaashi asked“ Tsukishima mumbled without thinking.

„Akaashi..?“ Kuroo tilted his head to get a better look at his profile. That’s when he remembered he hadn’t told Kuroo about Akaashi’s condition, but it was already too late. 

„Ah, forget I said anything“, was probably the weakest thing he could say, and also the only.

„What did he ask?!“ Kuroo was suddenly leaning heavily on his arm and pushing him to the side. He had to keep his balance, otherwise Kuroo would fall on top of him like that time they were playing Twister, only this time it would somehow be even more embarrassing.

„It’s our secret, I can’t tell you“ Tsukishima put on a smug grin of his own as he pushed Kuroo back to his place. Kuroo was evidently hurt by his friends keeping secrets from him, so he started pouting like a toddler.

„What’s your favourite dish, then?“ Tsukishima asked abruptly. He thought it was a great distraction from the Akaashi slip-up, and Kuroo was just as surprised as he should’ve been for it to be effective.

„Why do you want to know anything about me?“ Kuroo sounded genuinely suspicious, which slightly hurt Tsukishima „Is it only to make me forget about Akaashi?“

„Why did you want to know?!“ he retorted „I’m just curious. Besides, I’ve already told you mine, so you should tell me yours. I passed all my exams too“  
Kuroo pouted for another long moment, but looked like he was half-heartedly considering it. 

„Come on, it can’t be more embarrassing than strawberry shortcake! Unless it’s those weird chocolate Santas or something“ now Kei was the one pouting and pleading, but he got Kuroo to laugh.

„It’s mackerel pike“

„Boring“

„I knew you’d say that, that’s why I didn’t want to say it“

„That’s a weird insecurity. I wish I could say my favourite food was boring“ Tsukishima sneered. It was such a useless fact, but he still liked learning about Kuroo, even if it’s just the name of his first-grade goldfish that he overfed the night he got it. He found himself wanting to know everything about Kuroo, from his childhood stories to his most secret fantasies.

But this was a good start. He was satisfied with every bit of information he got, because it helped him build a more detailed picture of Kuroo. Not that he was overly secretive, he was pretty much an open book, but he never talked about boring stuff like that, food or colours or zodiac signs. 

„When’s your birthday?“ Kuroo asked out of the blue, like he was reading his mind. 

„Didn’t we agree to just one question?“ Tsukishima raised an eyebrow.

„A birthday can’t be embarrassing! What do you have to lose if you just tell me basic information about yourself?“ Kuroo pushed until he got his way, as per usual.

„It’s September 27th“ he replied reluctantly, waiting to see Kuroo’s reaction.

„Ah, Libra. Nice“ 

He figured Kuroo would have an unexpected hobby, but astrology, really? 

„Your turn“

„November 17th. Scorpio, if it means anything to you“ Kuroo sounded kind of proud as he said that, but Tsukishima couldn’t understand why. He didn’t say anything to that, so Kuroo took it as his cue to elaborate „Basically it means I’m really hot, smart and mysterious“

„No, no, and hell no“ Tsukishima shook his head as if he were checking things off a list.

„I so am!“ Kuroo came back to his childish act „You have to at least admit I’m hot!“

„I’m going to admit you’re smart, because of the whole algebra thing, but that’s all you’re gonna get from me“ Kei compromised.

„Are you sure you don’t find me hot?“ Kuroo was still trying desperately to get him to say it.

„I’m sure someone out there with a lot less taste and no glasses finds you hot“ 

„And if I buy you strawberry shortcake?“, and so the bribe began.

„Then you’re the hottest man on Earth and I want you to fuck me until I can’t stand anymore“

Kuroo knew it was a joke, he knew, but it wasn’t enough to stop his mental images.

„Really?!“ 

„Do you think I sell compliments for a piece of cake?“

Kuroo’s pretend bubble was popped, but just hearing those words come out of Tsukishima’s pretty mouth was enough to push him to the edge. He could almost imagine him saying them in a more hoarse and pleading tone. Nope, you’re not going to get a boner right now.

„I should probably get going now, I promised Yaku I would help him with something“ he suddenly stood up and went straight to the door. Tsukishima was a bit scared by that, wondering if he had said something wrong. Crossed the line again? 

Man, fuck the line. He wanted to jump over it, or better yet, erase it completely. It built up so much tension between him and Kuroo and he thought they should really stop joking like that. It was normal for Kuroo, that was simply in his nature, but it was all very new to Tsukishima. How is anyone going to believe he’s straight if he asks his friend to fuck him senseless?

But when he followed him to the door, Tetsurou gave an enthusiastic wave and congratulated him on the exams once again, so he figured it was alright. He just really looked like he’d remembered something important too late, or like he had to go to the bathroom. He didn’t know what he could be helping Yaku with on a Sunday, but it sounded like a weak excuse.

He tried not to think about it too much, as the prospect of fucking up their friendship with a childish joke always hung above his head like noose waiting for him. He promised himself he’d stop joking that way, even if it means he never wins a sass-off again. It’s not more important than their friendship anyway.

***

The very next day, an entire strawberry shortcake was waiting for him on his desk after he got back from class. It was inside a big, fancy box, but he already knew what it was and who it was from. Next to the box was a simple piece of paper with an extremely messy handwriting.

„In celebration of our exam season overkill. Also, as an apology for running off yesterday. Let’s continue to work hard for the rest of the year too. I thought all my dirt you ate on that algebra list left a sour taste in your mouth, so I bought you something sweet as a consolation. Enjoy your shortcake, shortcake. – Hottest Man on Earth“

Tsukishima couldn’t help but smile at the entire message. It was too sweet of Kuroo to buy him an entire cake just because he’d found out it was his favourite, under the pretences of a congratulations cake, although it was expected of Tsukishima to get the best grades. It was him who should’ve bought Kuroo a present. Come to think of it, it wasn’t a bad idea.

Since exam season was over, he just went to the closest town without telling anyone. He already knew exactly what he was looking for.

He came back in a relatively short period of time and looked out his window to see Kuroo smoking in the forest. Now was the right time. He hurried to his room, hoping Yaku wasn’t there (but he usually wasn’t). Fortunately, Kuroo forgot to lock the room all the time and Yaku must’ve left before him, so he got in without having to google it.  
When Kuroo came back a few minutes later, he too had a surprise waiting for him on his desk. Three highlighters, the same colours as the one he’d just returned to Tsukki. But   
they had little notes attached to them.

The green one said „Keywords“. The blue one said „Traps“. The yellow one said, „Ask Tsukki“. The last note also had something written on the backside, so he flipped it. „If you still feel the taste of my dirt from, oh, every other list, you can come by for a piece of cake“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the title was misleading and you expected more action, I just thought this was really cute. What can I do, I like my burn how I like myself - painfully slow :) But it kind of got... hotter? So I guess that's also an improvement? As always, curious to hear your thoughts!


	11. Strawberries & Cigarettes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is taken from Troye Sivan's new song "Strawberries & Cigarettes" that I can't stop listening to - I thought it fit this chapter perfectly! That's all I'm going to say for now, enjoy :)

Kuroo knew how much Kei treasured his alone time, which is why he had to use every last atom of self-control to not barge into his room and move in with him. He would sleep on the floor if that’s what he has to do - all he wanted was to talk to Kei, to look at Kei, to feel Kei next to him. Sure, he wanted a lot of other things too, but he realised he liked Kei so much as a person that he would rather never be able to touch him than never be able to talk to him again. The passing days, even hours, only further showed him how fucked he really was.

 

After an entire hour of staring at that note and grinning like an idiot, while also nervously walking around his room, he finally decided to take Tsukki’s offer and go eat some cake. It’s not like he came uninvited, and they hadn’t seen each other since yesterday, so it’s definitely okay, right? He finally felt like he was too forward with Tsukishima, hanging out with him ALONE outside of class for two days in a row, but he felt like he’d go crazy locked up in that room alone all day.

 

Ever since Yaku started spending so much time at Lev’s, Kuroo was alone too often, and that meant having more space to think about Tsukishima. It has come to a very critical point where he was afraid it would just slip from his mouth and ruin everything, so he always had to be extra careful when bantering with Tsukishima. He was so mad it has come to that – a fun thing that used to be very natural for them was now so dangerous and stressful. He just wanted his old friendship back, back to how it was before he started noticing how soft Tsukishima’s hair looked and how long his legs were and that _smile_.

 

As he walked down the hallway to Tsukki’s room, he seriously debated taking a turn and just going out for a cigarette. Can he really trust himself to be alone in a room with him and not slip up? He had an awful, almost nauseous feeling, but before he could back out he was already standing by the door.

 

A simple knock. A simple greeting. This is what friends do, this is the same as hanging out with Yaku alone in their room. They would just eat some cake, talk about things they usually talk about, have a nice time and then before he knew it hours will have flown by and he’d be back to his room. But Tsukishima was wearing a pair of black joggers that hung a bit too low on his sharp hipbones and that same loose white t-shirt that put his collarbones on display.

 

  
„You’ve already managed to eat all of it?!“ Kuroo laughed at the almost-empty tray with only two slim and lonely pieces waiting on it.

 

„In my defence, I’ve gone six sad, sad months without strawberry shortcake“

 

Kuroo enthusiastically cut a large chunk of his piece with a fork and ate it all in one go. „Mmm, this really is good, Tsukki! I can totally see why it’s your favourite food now“ he shouted out after the second bite. He looked almost too cute while stuffing his cheeks with whipped cream, Tsukishima had no choice but to notice.

 

„Wait, you’ve never had strawberry shortcake?!“ Tsukishima opened his mouth to laugh, but he also looked like he was genuinely sorry for Kuroo „Then how did you pick out one this good? I’ve had a lot of cake in my lifetime but I’d have to say this one’s in my top three“

 

„Well, I had to go with the most expensive one, precisely because I had no idea what’s considered a good strawberry shortcake. And it looked nice“

 

„Kuroo!“ Tsukishima hit his arm and suddenly started feeling really awkward „You didn’t have to spend, well, anything on me! I haven’t even thought about buying you a gift even though you worked so much harder than me, and then I bought you three fucking highlighters!“

 

„God, Tsukki, relax!“ Kuroo almost wanted to giggle because of how nervous Tsukishima sounded „ First of all, don’t worry, I can definitely afford a strawberry shortcake. Second of all, I’m tired of you putting down your own work just because you’re so used to getting good grades. You deserved every piece of this cake! And lastly, I LOVE my highlighters and I promise I’ll put them to use!“

 

„Still, it’s really nice that you thought of that“ Kei said under his breath and unintentionally got both of them blushing. There it was again, that awkward and dangerous moment that wouldn’t have occurred if they were „just friends“. Those moments were getting more and more frequent and each time they did, it was like Kuroo’s worst fears had come true. He felt exposed, like he somehow _stained_ Tsukki with his feelings.

 

„Let’s play a game,“ he said without thinking it through, but at that moment anything sounded better than silence. Before Tsukishima even answered, he realised this could turn out to be even more dangerous.

 

„Let me guess, it’s going to be either truth or dare or twenty questions“ Tsukishima scoffed, but that definitely wasn’t a no.

 

„Why do you think that?“ Kuroo tried to act clueless, but his nervous smile was now back to glinting with mischief.

 

„Because you’re an extremely predictable 18-year-old boy“

 

„Well, I think truth or dare is extremely boring with only two people, but yeah, I was going to suggest twenty questions“ Kuroo admitted defeat, this time at least.

 

„Didn’t you get enough information about me yesterday already?“ Tsukishima still tried to act like he was protesting the idea, but he actually had quite a few things he wanted to know about Kuroo as well. Well, he wanted to know everything, but some things were particularly bothering him and he didn’t know if he was even allowed to be curious about it.

 

„Yeah, your birthday and your favourite food. Thank you for being so vulnerable and showing me the darkest parts of your heart, Tsukki“ Kuroo now started whining, like he usually did when it took him too long to get his way. It was one of the many things he did that Tsukishima somehow found both cute and annoying as hell.

 

„Fine. But let’s make it five“ he compromised.

 

„Only five questions?!“ Kuroo was now pouting even harder „There’s a REASON it’s called twenty questions, Tsukki. What can I possibly find out in five?!“

 

„Five’s too much, you say?“ Kei pushed his buttons again, all with a satisfied smirk.

 

„Fine, five questions!“ Kuroo resigned, which was a strange occurrence „By the way, I hate you“

 

That only made Tsukishima smile harder. „Okay, I’ll go first. Was Daishou your only relationship?“ 

 

Kuroo was caught a bit off-guard by Tsukki asking a question about his love life right away, and by the look on the other’s face, he knew he realised it could be dangerous too. Anway, he had nothing to hide. „I actually had a girlfriend for a month when I was fourteen, if that counts“ he chuckled „But other than that, yes“

 

See, that was fine. Kuroo had nothing to hide, although it later came to mind that it might’ve been a bit uncool to admit he’s only been in one relationship at the age of eighteen. At least Tsukki won’t think he’s someone who just sleeps around with anyone who’s up for it, that would’ve been even worse. Why didn’t he ever think about these things before he thought about what kind of impression they made on Tsukki?

 

„My turn!“ Kuroo suddenly snapped from his spiral of thoughts and sounded as excited as ever „How did you know what you wanted to study in college?“

 

„I guess I just always knew“ he shrugged, but took some more time to think of a more helpful answer „I mean, I always had a general idea of what I wanted to do, but then when I started high school I worked out the details, like the degree I have to get and the best university for that“

 

„Lucky bastard, you’ve known all of that since you were sixteen, and some of us have to actually THINK about it to this day!“ Kuroo complained while still trying not to come off as rude.

 

„Fourteen“ Tsukishima corrected him.

 

„Hmm?“

 

„I was fourteen in my first year“

 

„Wait, what? So you mean... you’re sixteen NOW?“ Tsukishima just nodded, almost like he was ashamed.

 

„You’re only telling me now?!“ Kuroo kept pressing the topic, so he obviously hadn’t noticed how uncomfortable Tsukishima was with it. He wished he never mentioned it.

 

„I just assumed everyone already knew, because people are, you know, talking about me“ he gulped „But it’s not as big of a deal as everyone makes it sound like, I only skipped the first two grades of elementary school“

 

„Only! You weren’t even supposed to be able to read, but you just jumped straight into division and shit!“ Kuroo really meant it as a compliment, but it couldn’t stop Tsukishima from feeling bad about it. He didn’t want to always be put on a pedestal, especially not by Kuroo. He didn’t want Kuroo to be scared of him, or worse, think he’s not good enough for him.

 

„Well, I already knew how to read, so I could afford to save some time. Why would I have to waste two years of my life when I they couldn’t teach me anything new?“ he tried to make it seem less unnatural but ended up sounding even cockier.

 

„You’re unbelievable, Tsukishima Kei“ Kuroo looked at him and marvelled like a proud parent, which was a bit too fond to be healthy for Kei’s heart „I don’t think you’re weird because of that. I just think you’re even cooler than I thought“

 

And he was doing it again – the very thing that made Tsukishima open up to the possibility of having friends. He was making Tsukishima feel NORMAL, but without even trying or lying to make him feel better. He acknowledged Tsukishima’s emotions without taking it as a sign of a weakness he can take advantage of, but a completely expected thing.

 

„So what DO you want to study and do for a living? We’ve never really talked about it, I just assumed you had it all figured out“ Kuroo changed back to the initial subject.

 

„You have to wait for your turn to ask another question“ Tsukishima put his coy smile back on „It’s my turn now. Do you wish you could go back to your old school?“

 

„Oh, hell no!“ Kuroo answered without even blinking „I mean, I wish I wasn’t KICKED OUT, but obviously, it was all a part of a bigger plan, so now I’m even kind of glad I was. I mean, this school is just as full of assholes as that one, but at least here I have you, and Yaku, and everyone else, so you know, I’m happy with how things turned out“

 

He could’ve just said „no“. He didn’t have to say that entire speech and then almost forget to add „Yaku and everyone else“, he didn’t have to get that close to the line again. He felt himself losing balance and had to fight gravity in order not to trip over the line.

 

„I’m glad“ Tsukishima nodded „Come on, you can ask me about college now“

 

„Actually, I don’t want to know. I want it to be a surprise so I can make all these elaborate scenarios in my head, it’s way more fun! You’re good at everything, so I can imagine you as a surgeon as well as a wise philosophy dude“ Kuroo announced a change of plans „I have another question, and I can’t believe I’m asking YOU this, but I think you’ll have an interesting point of view“

 

„Just spit it out“ Tsukishima snorted at Kuroo’s long introduction.

 

„If you were, hypothetically, of course, in love with someone you know you can’t have, what would you do?“ Kuroo finally asked and Tsukishima couldn’t figure out if he was being serious.

 

„I’d tell them“ he answered with no hesitation, which was a surprise for the both of them „That’s actually the best-case scenario. I can just tell them, get rejected and then get over it – I wouldn’t have to agonize over it any longer“

 

Hypocrite. Like he would ever be able to tell Kuroo about his feelings, like he would risk them being _reciprocated_. That might’ve scared him even more than rejection. He was pretty sure he could deal with rejection, so he might’ve even been able to tell him, had Kuroo not been his friend.

 

„But what if that person was your friend?“ Kuroo asked as if he was reading his mind. Did he know something Tsukishima didn’t? This was starting to get dangerously accurate and Tsukishima just wanted to jump to a completely unrelated topic.

 

„Don’t tell me you’re in love with Yaku-san“ he laughed and Kuroo threw a pillow at him.

 

„Yaku’s like my mother, that would be so wrong!“ he joined Tsukishima in laughing at that prospect. Was Tsukishima really so dense that he still couldn’t figure it out? Or was he just insecure? Well, that might’ve been for the best.

 

„Who is it then, Bokuto?“ Tsukishima continued making fun of him, but Kuroo wasn’t having it anymore. What if he just eliminates them one by one and finds out in a very, very awkward way? He was stupid for even asking this question.

 

„I’ll count that as two of your questions!“ was his best defence.

 

„Well, technically you asked two questions too, so we’re both down to question number four“ Tsukishima came right back at him „But don’t worry, I won’t tell Bokuto-san“

 

His lopsided smirk showed that he didn’t really believe what he was saying, but wasn’t any closer to finding out the truth either. Kuroo had to be careful with his last two questions. It would probably be better to stay away from any kind of romantic questions, he’s already tried his luck enough today and anything further might be the finishing blow.

 

„How did you know that you’re, you know... gay?“ Tsukishima asked his next question. Oh, so he still wasn’t going around the touchy subjects. Why? Did he actually WANT to talk about these things, or was it simply out of curiosity? Well, Kuroo guessed this was, if anything, just a simple and funny story.

 

„I actually only started considering it when I was, what, fourteen? That’s when I met Daishou and from, like, day two, I started feeling and wanting all these things my friends were talking about when they talked about girls. I cringe so hard when I remember THAT guy was my first crush, but yeah, in a way I’m thankful he happened because it would take my slow ass AGES to figure it out otherwise. When your heart just reacts to something on its own accord, you don’t really have to do any thinking“ he explained.

 

Tsukishima took some time to think about those words. The reason he asked was to help him figure HIMSELF out, more than to find out an interesting fact about Kuroo. He noticed they had very similar stories – his heart really was reacting on its own accord, so he shouldn’t be thinking so much, right? But why was it so simple for Kuroo and not for him.

 

„Ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t have to tell that entire pointless story. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable“ the Kuroo that was laughing at his past mistakes just a moment ago now looked painfully shy.

 

„I told you already, I’m not uncomfortable with that. I mean, I’m uncomfortable with romantic stuff in general, so it would’ve been the same if you were talking about girls. But I asked the question, so that’s my problem“ Tsukishima got defensive as well. Why are they both being so cautious when they were once able to sass the shit out of the other?

 

„My question: why are you uncomfortable with romantic stuff?“

 

„I just don’t want to think about it. The whole concept is so twisted and over-glorified. People are so stupid to put everything on the line like that, and in the end not even the best of times can be worth THAT much. I’m sick of everyone acting like it’s the best thing that can happen to you when it might as well be the worse“ Tsukishima’s words sounded bitter, but his facial expression showed even more disgust.

 

„Tsukki, my poor, poor Tsukki. Look, we’re pausing the game, it is now my holy mission to make you believe in love!“ Kuroo announced in such a dramatic tone that Tsukishima couldn’t help but crack up.

 

„You’re absolutely right, it’s not all rainbows and roses like the media and gross old couples like Lev and Yaku make it look. It can seriously fuck you up, I mean, I would know. But even after all of that, I want to repeat that mistake. Okay, I don’t want to get kicked out of another school, but you know what I mean. I want to be in love, even if it’s with someone I can’t have, but I guess that’s just the Scorpio talking out of me“ Kuroo suddenly got serious, but still not too serious, as he figured he could set Tsukishima off if he said something wrong.

 

„How is you being an idiot supposed to make me believe in love?“ Tsukishima chuckled. („But it kind of already did, and I hate you for that“ he then thought to himself).

 

„A SCORPIO Tsukki, not an idiot!“ Kuroo groaned „But cut me some slack, will you? It’s not something I can explain, but you’ll know when you feel it. What I wanted to say is, when you do, please don’t try to run away from it. I know you, you’re going to try to deny it and suppress it until it „goes away“ like it’s some kind of flu, but in the end, it’s just bound to explode. So please, for my sake, take that one risk. All you have to do is make one stupid mistake and I promise it can’t turn out as bad as it did for me“

 

Kuroo’s words echoed in his head, almost pushing him over the edge. He still had one question left to ask. „All you have to do is make one stupid mistake“

 

„But what if, for example, my friends don’t approve of that person and they all stop talking to me?“

 

Shit. He blew his last question without realising it, but Kuroo was definitely going to count it as a question. Well, it wasn’t a stupid question, it was one of his most legitimate concerns. Getting rejected by Kuroo wouldn’t mean losing only Kuroo, it would mean losing EVERYONE. After getting so used to having five friends, he wasn’t sure he wanted to go back to having none.

 

„Ah, another field I’m an expert in. That one’s simple at least – if they drop you because of who you love, they’re not really your friends. But assuming you’re talking about me and the guys, that’s the least of your worries. We’ll definitely have your back WHOEVER it is“ Kuroo assured him sweetly. If only he knew.

 

Tsukishima smiled at the floor, which Kuroo immediately read as a sign of disbelief. „I’m serious, Tsukki! If you told me you liked our English teacher, I’d still support you even though it’s illegal and he’s failed me four times already“ Kuroo kept persuading him and finally got an honest laugh out of Tsukishima.

 

That laugh was going to be the death of him. Tsukishima got more and more comfortable with laughing as loud as he wanted to around Kuroo, he got comfortable with wearing his casual clothes, with spending time alone with him in his room. He probably wasn’t even aware of what all of this was doing to Kuroo. Before his brain could even argue, he said his last question.

 

„I can just tell them, get rejected and then get over it – I wouldn’t have to agonize over it any longer“ he remembered Kei’s words. Was he really going to throw their entire friendship out of the window just to stop feeling like he’s drowning every time Kei smiles?

 

„If I told you I liked you, as in, more than a friend, what would you say?“

 

He thought he heard a small choking noise from Tsukishima, but that soon turned into a bubbly laughter. He raised his head to make sure he was hearing it right.

 

„I would say: what did Bokuto have to bribe you with to make you participate in such a twisted prank?“ Tsukishima said with a smile that started fading from fake to just plain terrified. Kuroo could see his eyes begging him to tell him it was just a cruel joke. He really fucked it up this time.

 

„Goddamn it Tsukki, it’s not a prank!“ he tried not to sound angry, but his voice cracked and got barely loud enough to hear „I wish it was, but it’s not. I told you to „just make one stupid mistake“, but I guess I’m the one making it, again. And I don’t even know why I’m saying this when I know you’re straight but I can’t handle this anymore, I just can’t do it“

 

His words started sounding more frantic and if he had the courage to look Tsukishima in the eyes, he would have seen the same terrified expression. Mouth slightly parted, heart beating in a way that felt like it was going to leave a dent in his chest, and shaking arms. This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening.

 

„I feel so bad for seeing you this way when all you need is a friend. Don’t get me wrong, I’m just happy you even exist in my life and having you as a friend is a fucking privilege, but I also feel like I’m lying to you if I keep pretending that’s all you are to me. I’m sorry I ruined it for you, I wish you could still be my friend, but I know I don’t deserve it. So just tell me to fuck off, stop talking to me, punch me in the face, I had it all coming“ Kuroo finished with a deep breath in and closed his eyes, as if he was preparing to get hit.

 

Tsukishima was quiet for an awfully long time (or at least, what felt like it), but Kuroo still couldn’t bring himself to raise his head. He could feel the guilt and the shame eating him alive the very moment he said those words – he thought he’d at least be a little relieved, but maybe that only came after he got a proper rejection.

 

„Fuck you, Kuroo“ Kei finally said in a shaky laugh „I really want to punch you in the face right now. For putting me through all this shit and making me feel all the things I’ve been hiding from my entire life. You made me go through all these months full of irrational thoughts and DREAD that I might ruin the only friendship I ever had, just to say you like me back?! Seriously, fuck you“

 

 _Back?_ „Tsukki?“ Kuroo finally managed to look up at him, but only saw his shoulders trembling. Is he..?

 

„You ruined everything. You think you can just come into my life when I have so many better things to do, drive me up the wall to the point where I can’t say „no“ to you anymore, and then make me do everything I always swore I never will? You made all my worst fears come true, but the worst part is that I TRUST you so much that I think as long as I’m with you, I’m safe, right? But of course I’m not!“ pure rage and frustration were spilling from Tsukishima’s lips. Years of bottled-up emotions started pouring out and he couldn’t stop them anymore.

 

Kuroo hugged him. Just like that day, it was a strong and warm hug that he involuntarily melted into the moment it hit him. A pair of arms wrapped around him protectively, a comfortable silence and the soft smell of Kuroo’s skin almost lulling him to sleep – it was all it took for him to let all his walls down. And as at crazy as it was, he didn’t regret doing it.

 

Tsukishima wasn’t broken before he met Kuroo, he was doing just fine, but he almost didn’t want that simple life back. At that moment, he was right where he was supposed to be, doing the only thing that felt right.

 

„Of course you are, Tsukki. You are safe with me“ Kuroo’s whisper sounded like he was trying to hold back from crying too.

 

„I’m sorry for making such a big deal out of it. People get heart-broken all the time and go on with their lives, right? It’s just, my mom didn’t. I haven’t seen her smile since that happened and after I met you, that day started replaying in my head like a red light“

 

Kuroo didn’t ask questions, just pulled him in even closer, which was exactly the reaction Tsukishima needed. Kuroo (and his own heart) were right after all – he _was_ safe with him. He hadn’t made a mistake, he hadn’t put himself in danger, and he wasn’t alone in this anymore.

 

„No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made you so upset and I know all of this is new to you, but I promise we can get through it together. We can take it as slow as it takes for you to get comfortable. I know I can be a bit childish, but I’m serious about you. You can set the boundaries and maybe, like, help me learn what calms you down when things get too overwhelming“ Kuroo started tripping over his words, but he felt like he was finally getting somewhere with Tsukishima.

 

Months of pining had come to that moment. _This_ was actually happening, and _this_ could work out. He was holding Tsukishima, not just hugging him – Tsukishima’s head has slipped down to his chest and he was clutching the back of Kuroo’s t-shirt. Kei finally let him be there for him, which was, in his book, the ultimate display of trust.

 

„Did I ruin your big romantic confession?“

 

„Are you kidding, I was sure you were going to punch the lights out of me! Besides, confessing as a part of twenty questions is hardly romantic“ Kuroo laughed.

 

„Yeah, but I shouldn’t have cried, either“ Kei still sounded like a shy child, but Kuroo could feel his heartbeat was steady and that’s all that mattered. They were in no rush, they were just talking, a completely honest (and long overdue) talk about their feelings. Kuroo’s heart was getting lighter by the minute.

 

„It’s all good, Tsukki“ he reassured. He started petting Kei’s hair gently like it was a newborn bunny. It really was as fluffy as it looked, so he kept running his fingers through the small waves in a slow rhythm.

 

Tsukishima wondered how someone who looked so tough and messy could have such a warm embrace, such gentle hands and eyes overflowing with love that carefully watch out for any change in Kei’s own. But such a perfect person existed, and he liked him back. Everything past that point was still too terrifying to think about, but for now, this was enough.

 

Kei slowly raised his head and looked up at Kuroo. He couldn’t see it, but Kuroo sure did – his eyes were bright and he was blinking slower than usual. He managed to look so pure yet so determined, so Kuroo just tilted his head slightly to the side in confusion.

 

„What?“ he chuckled „Did you just remember how long you’ve gone without insulting my hair?“ Once he figured out what was actually happening, time had already exploded.

 

Tsukishima Kei was kissing him. He slowly got closer to his face, stopped to look at his lips for just a split second when he was millimetres away from then, and then finally laid his own down onto Kuroo’s. It wasn’t earth-shattering, it was still just as gentle as their hug was, but it was certainly dizzying. Tsukishima Kei was kissing him.

 

Kei wasn’t really sure what to do, so he was hoping Kuroo would come out of his trance and take the lead already. He started moving his lips slowly against Kuroo’s, trying to take in as much as he could of their texture and their subtle curve. They both tasted like the sugary cake they had just eaten, which was another big plus for Tsukishima.

 

„Wow“

 

„Really, that’s all you have to say?“ Kei laughed, but that answer told him more than enough.

 

„Give me a minute, my brain can’t process what just happened“ Kuroo really sounded like he had just woken up from the best dream of his life.

 

„What, it was barely even a real kiss!“

 

„Not that. The fact that Tsukishima Kei LIKES me“

 

„Kuroo, it’s seriously too early for you to be that sappy“ Tsukishima hit his shoulder lightly „What if I told you it was all just a prank and Bokuto bribed me with another strawberry shortcake?“

 

„Ah, I should’ve known you’d sell my heart for some cake“ Kuroo sighed, but was soon interrupted by another kiss from Kei. Once he actually got a hold of it, he couldn’t stop. He took a comfortable position of sitting between Kuroo’s legs and holding his cheeks in both hands. This time, Kuroo’s mind was faster to react, so he grabbed his waist in return and parted his lips slightly farther to give Kei more access. It was still a somewhat shy and slow kiss, they were just getting used to each other, but it felt SO RIGHT.

 

„Got a more detailed review this time?“ Kei teased, not removing his hands from Kuroo’s face. He was so fucking cute when he was caught off-guard like this.

 

„Nope, still processing it“ he smiled sheepishly and gave Kei a quick peck. This was definitely something he could get used to – holding Kei close to him by the waist, kissing him whenever he felt like it, or even just exploring the color of his eyes from only a few centimetres of distance. This was just the beginning.

 

„What’s so hard to understand about this? You try too hard to look cool and you’re failing miserably, but for some reason, some loser two years younger than you still fell for it“ Tsukishima simplified the situation.

 

„When you say it like that, yeah, it doesn’t sound impossible, but what you’ve failed to mention is that it’s not just any loser, it’s a very tall, blond loser with cute glasses and a smile that could annihilate an entire nation“ Kuroo corrected him. His arms were still protectively wrapped around Kei’s waist and he had no intention of moving.

 

Kei laughed at that description, but it was one of his rare laughs that didn’t even contain a hint of sass, just pure happiness. „See, that’s the smile!“ Kuroo pointed at him and started smiling like an idiot himself. He was so happy, and more importantly, he made Kei happy.

 

„Remind me again, why do I have a crush on you?“

 

„Tsukki, you have a CRUSH on me?! That’s so embarrassing!“ Kuroo tries to look shocked while also hiding the fact that his heart is about to explode. He wasn’t so insecure to think no one could have a crush on him, but this was _Tsukishima_ , after all. He wasn’t one to get crushes all the time, and he wasn’t just superficial either. What could he possibly have done to deserve all of that?

 

„Oh yeah, I remembered. Because you’re the only person in this world less cool than me“

 

„I believe there are a lot of people less cool than you, but I sure as hell am not one of them!“

 

They just started kissing again, not even sure who leaned in first, or maybe they both did at the same time. It was quickly becoming a very natural thing for them. Just like their usual sass-offs, only they were allowed to kiss after they’ve properly roasted each other. Which was probably the only way to make it more fun that it already was.

 

Kei still had a lot of questions, a lot of things that worried him, but he decided, for the first time in his life, to enjoy the moment. There was no rational reason to get ahead of himself, because he was happy. After a very long time, he was genuinely happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT FINALLY HAPPENED! This chapter was really hard to write and I'm really scared to post it because after two years of waiting it just feels too anticlimactic. That's why your comments are now needed more than ever, I literally have no idea how requited love works.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first multi-chapter fic! Thank you for taking the time to read it, please tell me your thoughts!  
> 


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